The Mercenaries
by Lonewolf685
Summary: Not everyone who has or knows about innocence is with the Black Order or the Noah. We arn't Exorcists, Finders, Brokers, or Akuma. We hunt innocence and sell it the highest bidder. We play both sides of the war and do it well. We won't be hailed as heroes or demonized as villians. We are the Mercenaries, and we are here to make a profit. Some OOCness. DISCONTUNUED
1. Pilot

**Author's note: First story so don't hate. read and review. If anyone would like me to use an OC of theirs, send me a PM. Ill try to update at least weekly. Enjoy the Story.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man or any characters from D. Gray-Man, except my OC.**

** D. Gray-Man : The Mercenary**

It was another foggy night in England. The Moon hid itself under a blanket of fog, carriages could be heard going along the cobbled streets, and Akuma are shooting like there is no tomorrow. The night started with a simple retrieval of some hard to reach innocence, until the bloody Queen found me rifling thru her underwear drawer. We stared at each other for a good minute, me looking like a deer in the middle of the road, and the Queen like someone who, well, found someone dressed as a royal guard going through her nickers. She then screamed, alerting every guard with 100 yards. Before you call me pervert, I must mention she did have innocence at the bottom of that drawer, although the reason she kept it there alludes me. After snagging it I ran for my life as the queen retrieved a revolver from her nightstand that looked like the recoil would dislocate her arm. I broke down the door to her room just as a shot, followed by a blood curdling scream of pain at the sound of someone's arm being dislocated, whizzed a few inches to the left of my head. I turned right and sprinted down the hallway with one destination in mind, the closed window at its end. A good 20 feet before I reached, two of her majesties foot guards turned the corner adjacent to window, rifles ready. "Sorry lads, but I've already taken the queens innocence, and I'm not staying for a cup of tea." They completely misinterpreted this and by the time I was 5 feet away I could see the fumes coming from their bear skin caps. While maintaining my momentum, I went into a handstand then pushed off with my hands before hitting the floor. Landing just behind the guards, I delivered two quick jabs to the back of each guards knees, and as they crumpled to the posh carpet, I was already jumping out the window. A window, on the second story, where a particularly large rose bush was directly below it. "Son of a…"

That part of the retrieval mission was fine, but while I was making my way back to my base of operations, I noticed I was being tailed. I scooped up a rock as I made my way thru the streets of London. I kept walking for a 3 more blocks before I made my move. Turning on my heel, I pulled my throwing arm back and then whipped It forward, sending the rock at the surprised face of one my pursuers, however, it bounced off his bear skin hat. "What are you doing following me around all night, something you want to get off your chest?" I regretted taunting my stalker as 2 more came out of the shadows and, like the one I tried to hit with the rock, began to transform before my vary eyes. I watched with mild interest, having seen this all done hundreds, if not thousands of times before. They were all level one, so they posed no real threat, but I would rather be sleeping at this god forsaken hour of the night than fighting, so I ran.

That is how I'm in this situation. By the way, I've failed to mention my name. you may call Henry Kashkin. I'm around six foot tall with short, dirty blonde, hair and eye's that blaze a fiery orange. I know genetics are strange and all, but I haven't seen any else with these eyes, and I've been around the metaphorical block. Currently I'm dressed as one of the royal guard, Whales regiment, but when not in disguise I wear a brown trench coat with a white fur fringe and my family symbol of the white fox. It had become rough around the edges after years of use. It's all I have to remind of my father, a last memento of dead man, but that's a story for another time. Beneath the coat I wear a vest over a simple white linen shirt. The vest has many loops and pockets that are almost impossible to see if not being used. They're for storing my normal kit of weapons and tools, but tonight I couldn't fit them into the tight uniform of a royal guard so I had only brought one weapon which I will show later. My pants are black, making me look like a bartender if I didn't store anything in the vest or wear the coat.

Back to the story, as their shots were starting to get more accurate, I swerved off the cobble road I was on and went down a side alley, which was unfortunately big enough for the Akuma to get thru. "Why do I always end up pissing off men in uniform" I lamented to no one in particular as he reached the end of the alley. The jig was up, nowhere left to run. All I can do is stand there and die, or fight them. Seeing as how if I die know, assaulting the Queen of England would have been for nothing and i'll never be able to tell the best story of my life, I decided to fight. Just then the Akuma rounded the final corner in a tower like formation, one on top of the other. I pulled the innocence out of my uniform and tossed it idly between my white gloved palms. We just stared at each other for another minute before I made my move. I tossed the innocence into the air whilst reaching into my jacket for my own innocence. The Akuma where so distracted by the flying innocence they never saw me pull out Jacob. It was a combat knife until you invoked it, but I wouldn't need to in order to kill these clowns. "Down here you royal idiots" I shouted just as I reached the first Akuma. I jumped towards the left wall of the alley and kicked off, giving me the elevation to stab Jacob right thru the Akumas face. Using Jacob and my momentum, I swung on top of the akuma whilst pulling out Jacob and jumping towards my next target. Then the first Akuma exploded, and the blast further propelled me towards my still stunned target. He was the highest of the Akuma, with the first being the lowest and third being in between them. I buried Jacob up the hilt into the Akuma's eye socket, then wrenched Jacob free and used gravity to propel myself towards the third and final Akuma, who by now had started shooting but his aim was horrible. The force of me landing on top the Akuma actually brought him down a few feet in elevation. The Akuma seemed to almost panic as I reached the dead zone where his shots couldn't hit me. "Ex...or…cist" the akuma shrieked at me. I stopped mid stab at that one. Then I laughed. A bitter, resentful laugh, but one none the less. I laughed so much I almost fell off. The Akuma had stopped shooting to see what was wrong with the "Exorcist". "My dear Akuma, you have me all wrong" I spoke as I positioned the blade over its face. "I'm no more an exorcist than you're human" I brought the blade down in one hand while the other caught the recently thrown innocence. "No Akuma, I'm not on anyone's side but my own, I'm a mercenary."

**Author's Note : Thank you for reading and a special thank you to FollieOfMadness for your advice and i recommend reading Follie's own DGM story, **

**Alternis Mundi? Tempto Tempus ltinerantur! which is latin for Alternate Univese? Try Time Travel! strange name but awesome story.**

**Next chapter : we meet more of the Mercenaries and see their headquarters.**


	2. Meet the Mercenaries

**Author's Note: Due to a generous amount of views, I began work on this chapter the same day as the first. Thanks for all the support and don't forget to REVIEW.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man, just the Mercenaries.**

"Why the hell is Whales so far away from London? I've been walking for over three days! I haven't slept for more than four hours! " I lamented.

I had abandoned my disguise days ago and put on my normal attire, the fur lining of my coat the only thing keeping me from frostbite on these cold, decrepit nights. One saving grace was that I had left the bulk of my gear in my room, or else the added weight would have broken me days ago. The second was I could finally see the HQ of the Mercenaries, the beautiful city of Cardiff, the future capital of Whales. I staggered into the town limits, the smell of fish, beer, and vomit assaulting my nostrils. God, you have to love this city. Making my way thru the city I could hear the many shops trying to sell their wares to dim-witted tourists and local townies alike. I ignored most of this, my attention solely on a small bar near the bay. It had all the appearances of a modest bar that did little to differentiate it from the others, it was called the llwynog clyfar, or clever fox, but to those who lurk within its bowels, we call it something else. Home, this was our headquarters and the only place we could rest our weary feet, mine in particular.

"I just want a hot meal and a long nap, so for the love of god may nothing strange be happening when I open the door." Unfortunately, I was not that lucky.

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BAR AND DON'T COME BACK WITHOUT MY MONEY" was the first thing I heard followed by a drunk being thrown out by his collar thru the same door I just came thru into Cardiff Bay.

The person doing the throwing was Catherine Furie, a woman of French descent in her mid-twenties whose temper is infamous. The phrase hell hath no fury like a woman scorned came from one of her ex-boyfriends after she walked in on him with another guy. She has wavy brown hair that flows down half her back. She is not a feminine person, and dressed in a simple black suit with a puffy white undershirt and a red bow tie. Like most Mercenaries, she didn't have any innocence, but her natural strength, hot temper, and a pair of blood-soaked spiked knuckles made her a truly terrifying enemy. As I finished my train of thought, she took notice of me.

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN" yelled Catherine" THE MISSION WAS A SIMPLE SMASH AND GRAB IN LONDON. WHAT COULD HAVE POSSIBLY HELD YOU UP?"

Well I guess the nap is out of the question. "Please keep your voice down, I've been walking non-stop from London and I got attacked by some Akuma so can you cut me some slack. Also, what is simple about breaking into Buckingham Palace? Here, take the bloody innocence" I thrust the innocence onto her and walked into the main room of the bar with her mouth still agape and stunned at my rude return.

The bar was a simple place as I've said before, with a few tables in the middle of the room, the bar directly across from the door, and a small stage for drunken rants off to the right. The walls and floor where all wooden. There was a door on each side of the bar, the left most one leading to the kitchen and the right most one leading to the HQ proper. I went for the left door and came out a half an hour later with a full belly. Catherine was nowhere to be seen, most likely turning in the innocence to the boss. I just kept walking towards the door on the right of the bar, determined to get some sleep. Once again, some cosmic force takes joy in disappointing me. As I reached for the door, it swings open and knocks me on my ass.

"Alright, you next person who gets between me and my bed is getting disemboweled with a spoon" I growled at the grinning red head who opened the door. Another mercenary with severe mental health problems, Lyle Tan is perhaps the easiest going of the England Mercenaries, but had a fatal flaw. He is a pyromaniac wanted in most of North **and** South America. So while you may trust him to babysit the kids, you wouldn't leave him alone in the bar with a box of matches. He had deep blue eyes that were slightly obscured by his wire rim glasses. He wore a wool sweater that was a deep shade of purple with spotless white pants. Weapon wise Lyle also has no innocence; rather he uses explosives and other incendiary devices to fight his enemies. Looking past his criminal record and bad habits, he is a nice guy who is perhaps a bit to gullible.

"Henry, when did you get back, and why are you on the floor?" Lyle asked, completely oblivious as per usual.

"Lyle, I'm kind of in a hurry, mind if I skip the conversation and get some sleep before the boss sends me off on another stupid and dangerous mission" I pleaded.

"Okay, but I should warn you that Krieg is looking for you and he seemed pissed that you left him behind when you went on your mission"

A look of pure horror swept across my face. "Oh no, I can't deal with Krieg now! Wait, what was that?" I looked down the hallway behind Lyle and if you listened closely, you could hear the pitter patter of tiny feet. "Lyle! For the love of god, take one for the team and distract Krieg." I pleaded as I jumped behind the bar and assumed what could only be described as the fetal position. I waited to hear Lyle distracting Krieg but no sound came. I poked my head up to see what was the problem only for a whirling ball of fur to latch onto my face. My pleas for help were muffled for what felt like hours. I wanted to reach for Jacob but knew I would hurt more in the long run if I fought back, so instead I played dead. The fur ball detached itself from my face to glare at me before clearing its throat.

"Henry, what have I told you about going on a mission without me?" Krieg's German accent heavy in the air.

"Krieg, I was just looking for you." I lied thru my teeth" Sorry I didn't take you but the whole mission was boring and I spent most of the time walking to and fro." Which is only a half lie because I really spent most of the time walking. Now that the white fur ball wasn't trying to maul/mate/ or mutilate my face, I could see him in full detail. He is 100 centimeters tall and weighed around 18lbs. His four legs were hidden under a dense layer of snow white fur. He also had a puffy tail and ears that made him irresistible to the opposite gender of any species; seriously, I've seen him charm everything short of Catherine. His beady red eyes were the only thing that detracted from his image of the ultimate plush toy. Krieg was not a human, but a golem in the shape of a white fox. Unlike the Black Order's golems, designed for efficiency and communication, Krieg was made somewhere in Germany where my father had bought him for the companionship. He named him Krieg because after the first day with him he was shell-shocked. Now I have inherited him and this little whirling ball of hate torments me.

"Henry, I've told you that I know when you lie, but for now I need you to go to see the boss, so I'll leave you in one piece." I breathed a sigh of relief as he jumped of my chest, then gagged as I realized what he said.

"But I just got back, can I least take a nap?" I was close to tears now, but Krieg showed no mercy. Grabbing my collar, he began to drag me towards the door he came from. I was now able to see Lyle was also on the floor but unlike me, was laughing his ass off.

"Traitor" I growled as Krieg reached the door on the right of the bar. From there he stopped dragging and lifted a hind leg as though to say "If you don't walk, I'll do unspeakable things to you while you sleep." I got up and walked the rest of the way down the dimly lit hallway. On the right were two doors leading to the bars bathrooms but I walked past them and stopped at the end of the hall. I reached out towards the wall in front of me and placed my hand on a wooden panel.

"Wait" Krieg barked. He jumped up to my shoulder and wrapped himself around my neck, appearing as though he were part of the jacket, you couldn't tell him apart from the white fringe. "Proceed boy."

Obliging him, I pushed on the panel in front me triggering the ground beneath me to slide away. Stifling a girlish scream that I know Krieg would maul me for; I plummeted for about 13.2568 seconds before once again reaching my arm out and grabbing the rope ladder attached to the wall. Now we were in the real HQ of the Mercenaries.

It was a very large circular room the ladder dropped me into, with couches along the wall and traces of old bloodstains from the fight club Catherine started. There were four paths leading north, south, east and west with the ladder being between the north and east. The southern hallway is where I wanted to go, the dormitories and lounge area, but a growl from the furry noose around my neck told me that wasn't an option. The east hallway went to the shooting range and training room. The western wing was a laboratory shared by Lyle and another Mercenary we haven't been assaulted by yet. Frequent explosions can be heard from the science wing, and the Mercenaries have spent a lot money on repairs and the pools on who caused the explosion.

Krieg was growing impatient so I started walking north. This was the command center of Mercenary operations in all of England and parts of Europe. The one who rules this place with an iron fist is the boss.

The room itself was a square with tables along the left and right wall. The left wall was covered with telephones nearly ringing off the clock while a team of operators manage them 24/7. The right wall was a menagerie of pictures, drawings, and maps detailing possible places innocence could be hiding. At the far end was an absurdly long desk, very neat and organized, with a bored looking corpse sitting behind it. Then the corpse noticed me and my fight or flight instincts screamed at me to run, but Krieg appeared ready to lunge for my throat at the slightest sign of retreat.

"Damn you fur ball" I muttered under my breath.

"Junior!" the corpse cried out in joy. It shuffled out of its chair and slowly made its way towards us. "How is my favorite grandson today? And where is my hug?" the corpse moaned in a voice that appeared alive and full of life, but I hoped more and more that wasn't true.

The corpse is actually my grandmother, who took over after my old man didn't make it home one day. She was in her late fifties and was still able to instill the fear or imminent death or hug related death into anyone she met, except Krieg who got along with her like fish and chips. She had green eyes that went well with her attire and kept her white hair in a neat bun. She dressed as though she still wanted to be on the front lines as she still wore two fully loaded bandoliers over a camouflage shirt and pants and lord only knows how many weapons are hidden on her person. To finish the look, she wears a green beret with the same fox emblem I have on my coat and a sturdy pair of combat boots. When grandma finished her hug of death, or HOD for short, I could tell she was getting ready to discuss business.

"How was the mission, I do hope it wasn't too difficult, after all, the innocence was only owned by a feeble old woman" she proclaimed, still in denial about her own age.

"Why does everyone think breaking into Buckingham Palace is easy? I mean in reality it was, but I wanted to come home and tell an awesome story and everyone has ruined it." I pouted.

"You can whine about it later, but for now I've got a mission for you and Catherine. " Speak of the devil, and she shall appear was a thought in my head as Catherine entered the command center, bloody knuckles reflecting the light of the over head lamps. "So good to see you my dear, how is business upstairs?"

"Threw out a couple more cheap pigs who wouldn't pay for drinks. On a side note, don't open the upstairs meat locker" she said that final part while staring at her knuckles.

Deciding to change the subject before someone calls for the authorities, I intervened. "So grandma, what is this mission you have for us?" I noticed a sigh of relief come from everyone in the room as the Mercenaries don't ask, don't tell about murder policy barely survived another close call. Never mention you killed someone inside the city, and especially the base, it's just bad for everyone involved.

"Of course sweetie." I hate that name. " You two will be going to a land forsaken by god, where men fear to tread. Your next mission will be to find the ghost of Matter."

**Author's notes : Hope you like the Mercenaries so far, I do intend to add more Mercenaries later on but for now I'll stick with what I have. **

**Next Chapter : Henry and Catherine meet the exorcists, who will get the Innocence?**

**Henry: You really are an evil person.**

**Me : I could change your name to Henrietta in a heartbeat.**

**Henry: All hail Lonewolf, god among men! **

**Me : Much Better.**

**Henry : Read and Review or I'll disembowel you with a spoon.**


	3. The Ghost of Matter

**Authors Note: Time for the Mercenaries to meet the Exorcists. This is going to hurt.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man, just the Mercenaries.**

Catherine was handling the trip surprisingly well, she had only assaulted five men who were staring at her, ahem, assets. We were currently on the only train taking us anywhere near Matter and I decided to use some of the commission from the sale of the innocence in Buckingham palace to ride first class. I was enjoying my steak when I heard a loud thud from the roof of the train.

"What the hell is going on now" I was starting to think this was going to be another of what grandma calls "Fun" missions. Krieg was woken up by this noise as well and his cackles suddenly rose. "What is it Krieg, Akuma?" I asked.

"Worse" He replied in between snarls. I pondered for about 20 seconds what could be worse than Akuma. Then it hit me.

A frown of discontent spread across my face, but was soon replaced with a grin dripping in malice. "Your saying that an exorcist just boarded the train without a ticket?" a matching grin soon appeared on Krieg.

A dark laugh escaped both our lips as Catherine continued to snore across from our seat. "I believe I am mind if I handle it?" Krieg almost pleaded.

"Of course my good man, just don't kill them. I bet they're going to Matter just like us and they might make interesting meat shields, at the very least a good laugh. Well, happy hunting" I called out to Krieg as he jumped from my lap. His tail twitched in anticipation for what would undoubtedly be a bad day for the exorcists.

Meanwhile with the Exorcists

"Allen, you sure you're ready for your first mission?" Lavi asked Allen. It was their first mission together and Lavi didn't want to get killed because of the new guy. Lavi already doubted his odds of survival. While he was General Cross' apprentice, Allen was just so small and scrawny looking in that uniform of his.

"You don't need to worry about me Lavi; I dealt with many Akuma while with Master Cross and on my way to the Black Order. I once had to…." Lavi stopped listening when he saw the strangest thing. Opening the sliding door to their room was a tiny white head. Lavi thought Toma was supposed to be outside and he wouldn't let something like this in their room. It had finished worming its way in and Lavi could now tell it was a fox. It proceeded to jump onto a startled Allen's head where it curled up to take a nap.

"Nice hat Allen looks good on you" Lavi sniggered, enjoying this welcome change to the boring train ride. Allen was dumbfounded, and eventually decided to try and remove the roosting fox. As his innocence hand reached up to take the fox off his noggin, its' beady eyes opened. In a flash it jumped off his head landing with all four paws solidly on his crotch. As Allen's soul left his body, Lavi was attacked by Krieg. He started by using Allen as a springboard and latching onto Lavi's face. Lavi could still see with his one good eye and noticed that outside the cabin Toma was slumped against the wall, dead. Lavi reached up and pulled Krieg off with one hand while reaching for his hammer with the other.

"You are without a doubt the smallest, albeit cutest, Akuma I've ever seen" Krieg stopped trashing around and looked him right in the eyes.

"I'M NOT AN AKUMA!" Lavi was so shocked by this outburst and he lost his grip on Krieg, who landed with claws extended on his crotch. Lavi doubled over and ended up on the floor with an injured Allen.

"Next time you call me an Akuma, I will kill you" Krieg said the last part very slowly, before walking over to Lavi's head. He lifted his hind leg and proceeded to mark his territory. He walked out with his tail held high. He spared a second glance at the havoc he caused. Two of god's chosen warriors lay unconscious in their room, and a finder was strangulated outside. Henry wasn't kidding when he called Krieg a "furry noose".

Back to Mercenaries

Catherine was awake now and was in a horrible mood. She seemed ready to direct her unprovoked aggression towards me when Krieg walked in, exuding joy after his little adventure. He jumped up onto the seat next to Catherine, who was perplexed by his sudden cheeriness.

"What the hell have you been doing while I was asleep?" Catherine inquired "You haven't been this happy since I let you in on fight club" It was true; most of the blood stains in the HQ were either caused by Catherine or Krieg.

"I found some exorcists on the train and decided to instill your brand of justice on them" Krieg proclaimed. She was confused for a minute, and then burst out laughing. It was a creepy laugh that sent shivers down the spine of every male in that cabin.

"I think this is going to be an interesting mission"

The dessert city of Matter, Exorcists

Allen and Lavi were still walking with limps by the time they reached the city. Both made an agreement never to speak of what happened on that train again, for their pride would be destroyed if Kanda or Bookman discovered they were beaten by a little fox.

"Lavi, do we even know where this ghost is?" Allen inquired, limping along with Lavi. They left Toma at the train station because there was no point in dragging a corpse with them. Suddenly, the sound of Akuma exploding in the distance could be heard.

"Allen, lets hurry up. Whoever is fighting those akuma could use some help" Lavi said as he mounted his hammer.

Mercenaries

"JESUS CHRIST" I shrieked as the bullets ate up the cobble street where I stood moments ago. Catherine already had her knuckles on and was getting ready to charge the Akuma in front of us. There were four in total, three level one and a level two. We had already killed two before we lost the element of surprise.

"Henry, you take the cannon fodder, I'll kill the clown" she said while pointing to the admittedly clown like Akuma. Before me or the akuma could protest, she ran from the debris we were ducking behind, sprinting all out for the Akuma.

"Puny exorcist, whatever innocence you throw at me I'll just copy it" the Akuma declared with glee, eager to test out his new found power. He saw the spiked knuckles she wore and, assuming they were innocence, made a pair for himself." Now I will kill you with your own.. Wait, these aren't innocence! " he shrieked in surprise.

"I don't need innocence to take out trash like you, now shut up and die pig" she shouted as in the Akuma's attempt at a display of power, she closed the distance and landed a straight arm punch at center mass. It flew thru several buildings, followed by a frenzied Catherine.

"Note to self, never piss her off." I muttered to myself, turning my attention to my own fight. "Alright, I think it's time I cleaned house." I reached into my coat to pull out Jacob, ready to invoke it when Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb arrived.

"Oi kid, get out here before you get hurt" Lavi shouted at me as he and Allen rode his hammer over the Akuma. Allen jumped off and took out one akuma with his transformed arm. Lavi shrunk his hammer to a wieldable size then expanded the head, before dropping straight down, smashing the two remaining akuma in one shot.

"You self-righteous bastards just stole my kill" I was fuming and Krieg almost leapt from his place on my shoulders to maul them. Instead I pulled out Jacob and started walking towards them. They both seemed to have noticed the knife but weren't too concerned.

"Wow there kid no need to get hostile, we just saved your life" Lavi said, apparently not hearing my previous statement. It would be the first in a long line of regrets for Lavi.

"Krieg, which one would you like?" Krieg jumped off my shoulders and stretched before giving Allen a death glare.

"I'll take the cursed one, I haven't marked him yet so you can kill the red head" We shared a look, our mutual hatred of the exorcists evident, while our intended targets were horrified to see the creature that left them limping all the way to Matter.

"Allen, I don't think this guy is friendly" Lavi stating the obvious pulled out his recently holstered hammer. "Kid, what are you doing with that tiny Akuma?" Lavi demanded. Krieg's glare turned to Lavi for a brief second but returned to sizing up Allen.

"Lavi, my cursed eye is telling me that these aren't Akuma, they are something else" Allen declared, returning the glare Krieg was giving him.

"Correct beansprout" Allen face palmed" I am Henry Kashkin and this is my golem Krieg. Today is the day we take your lives" The time for talk had passed and I rushed straight at him with Jacob in hand. Lavi brought his hammer in a downward swing in an attempt to crush me, but I dropped into a slide, missing the head of his hammer by a hairsbreadth, and came up right in front of the exorcist. I swung Jacob in a wide arc, grazing his left arm, but still drawing blood. I jumped back as he launched a swift kick aimed at my chest, but that was a feint for his real attack. He retracted his hammer, hitting me square in the back and pulling me back to the now smirking Lavi. His off-hand pulled back, he rocketed forward at blinding speed, slugging me right in the jaw. I staggered back, royally pissed, any chance of me giving him a quick death gone.

"Had enough now, kid?" He taunted, the smug look never leaving his face.

"Time to stop playing with you food, Henry" Krieg shouted whilst fighting Allen in the distance. After I attacked Lavi, Krieg had ran for Allen and was currently somewhere in the exorcist's coat, ripping his clothes and body to shreds from the inside.

"I know Krieg, I was just getting to that" I called back before returning my attention to a confused Lavi. "Congratulations, you are one of the few who will witness my invoked innocence; please enjoy that privilege for the remainder of you short life" I grabbed Jacob in both hands "Innocence activate!" As Lavi stared in shock, Jacob changed form. The blade grew longer, to the point it was the length of an officers sword. It was pure silver from hilt to tip. There were serrations going one third of the way up the blade from the newly formed cross guard. A barrel formed along un-serrated top edge, with a trigger on the hilt that now curved a bit inward at its end. Just when he thought the change was complete, the blade split in two, right down the middle. Each reformed into the original shape, now two swords of immense power. On each blade, the welsh words dim Trugaredd were etched into the metal. This was the true form of Jacob, the twin blades that could paint the world red.

Needless to say, Lavi was speechless. At most he expected to find a find a few level two on this mission, but not someone with innocence, and who was clearly not a member of the Black Order. Any suspicion he had this kid was an Akuma was immediately gone. A shiver went down his spine, something he hadn't felt in a long time. Fear, unlike anything he felt in years. He twirled his hammer in his hands, the only outward sign of his un-ease.

"I think it is time we end our little dance, don't you…" I couldn't finish my sentence because I was interrupted by an angry French girl.

"Idiot, why haven't you gotten the damn innocence yet" Catherine yelled from a rooftop above us, she jumped down to give me a taste of her fist when she locked eyes with Lavi.

"Strike!" Lavi completely ignored me and was right next to Catherine in a heartbeat. "So, are you single?" The Russian judge gave him a three but I gave it a zero. He would come to regret his crappy pickup lines in the future.

"YOU SEXIST PIG I'ILL KILL YOU" I almost felt sorry for Lavi when I realized that I probably should go find that ghost with the innocence. I was about to leave to him to his fate when a thought hit me. "Catherine, did you finish off that Akuma?" She stopped choking Lavi with his own scarf for a second.

"Nope, the coward ran off" She then went back to whatever manner of torture that struck her fancy.

I walked off going towards some strange lights in the distance, stumbling upon the sight of a massacre. Must have been a dozen finders scattered all around a large cube of light, most of them turned into a pile of dust in their coats. What was important was what was inside the cube, a young girl and what I presumed was the ghost of matter. The cube itself was badly damaged from the akuma so I just decided to break it with force.

"Get back!" I shouted to the cube's occupants as I dashed forward and jumped, bring both swords in a downward slash. They sliced thru the cubes side like a knife thru butter. As the barrier broke down, I approached the quivering pair. "So which one of you has the innocence?"

The one I assumed to be the ghost spoke up. "That would be me, Mr. Exorcist, you may call me Guzol and this is Lala." He gestured to the girl next to him. Before he could continue, a familiar fur ball landed on my shoulder.

"He is lying to you, about being the ghost." Krieg said in his all-knowing way. "I can tell he is definitely a living human, but the girl on the other hand is a different story."

"Krieg, while that's all well and good, where did the cursed kid go?" I heard the battle cry of the rare England beansprout, as he came at me from behind, but something was wrong with him, his claw arm was changing. It was changing into a cannon that he proceeded to test out on me, although I think he was aiming for Krieg.

"Stay away from those two" Allen shouted, enraged by Krieg's antics. I dove to the side, cleanly dodging the weird projectiles that arm of his launched. I decided diplomacy would be faster than fighting.

"Look beansprout, you have two choices. One, you fight me and try and get the ghost of Matter's innocence or two, you go help your partner who is currently being beaten to death by a woman with severe anger management problems" to accentuate the point, Lavi's screams could be heard in the distance. "I think you already know what you have to do." He stared at me, dumbfounded and irritated by his new nickname that everyone seems to be using, for a couple of seconds, before running off to save Lavi. I turned around to get the innocence from the ghost only to find a certain level two had already skewered Guzol and LaLa.

"Son of a bitch, WHY IS EVERYONE STEALING MY KILLS?!" Krieg, seeing where this was going, jumped off my shoulder and ran for cover. "Okay Akuma, I guess I'll use my innocence on you" It laughed at that one and proceeded to copy my weapon.

"Once I kill you, I'll have two innocence" it proclaimed in its' cheery voice. While he may have copied my abilities, he didn't have my knowledge or skill of the weapon. I dropped to one knee and stabbed both swords into the ground. "What are you doing?" it asked, but I didn't bother answering, I was tired of talking. The akuma was getting tired of waiting and was about to attack when it saw the strangest thing. The blood of the finders who weren't turned to dust was moving towards my swords. It flowed up into the barrels until there was not a drop within a twenty foot radius around me. I pulled both swords out of the ground and by now the akuma was tired of waiting.

"Die!" we shouted simultaneously. As he ran for me, I remained on one knee and leveled both blades with each of his legs. My index fingers ghosted over the triggers, waiting for him to get closer. Five feet. Four feet. Three feet. Two feet. One foot.

"I have you know" the Akuma declared like he already won, twin swords crossed like he meant to decapitate me. It was then I pulled the trigger on each sword, and two tiny, red spheres flew out the barrels. They buried themselves inside the Akuma's left and right leg.

"Was that your big plan? An oversized water gun. I'm still alive you stupid exorcist" the Akuma screeched in its high pitched voice.

Then it happened. The spheres of condensed blood expanded outwards explosively, obliterating its' legs. He landed face down in the ground. I got up brought and brought the heel of my shoe down on its' back.

"Nope, you were dead the second you dared to copy Jacob" I whispered where I assumed his ear was. I crossed both swords and in one quick motion lopped off the Akuma's head then jumped clear of the explosion.

I looked down to his blades, a single tear rolling down his face. "Thanks dad" I un-invoked the innocence and looked over at Guzol and LaLa. Guzol was somehow still alive, but LaLa was not. He was crying over her, knowing he would soon follow her into whatever afterlife he believed in. I reached down to pick up the innocence the Akuma dropped. I was unsure of what to do now. Yet, I think the decision was already made without me.

I walked over to LaLa and re-inserted the innocence.

Guzol stared at me, confused at my generosity. I notice I get that look a lot lately.

"Why would you help us, Mr. Exorcist, if all you wanted was the innocence?"

"You don't have long to live old man, but you should spend it with the one you cared about. To die alone is a horrible way to go" I left it at that and went off to find Catherine. Krieg came out of his hiding place and took to his perch. We walked back in silence as a hauntingly beautiful melody filled the air. When we found her, she was lounging on a large pile of rubble with a beaten Lavi being treated by nurse Allen a couple feet away.

"I guess you didn't get the innocence?" she appeared calm for first time in a long time, LaLa's song having an effect on her as well.

I got comfy leaning against her pile as a closed my eyes and listened to LaLa's song. It was like a funeral, and I felt under dressed. "We will get the innocence, but I just wanted to let an old man have the chance to die with the one he holds dear" At that, all talk ceased. Allen had carried Lavi to the nearest town while we stayed behind to wait for the song to end. After three days, the mission was over and we went to claim the innocence. When we got to them, Guzol was gone, but LaLa turned to us.

Two words escaped her porcelain lips before the curtain fell upon her weary eyes.

"Thank you" With that, she was gone as well. Catherine walked forward and reverently retrieved the innocence. We buried them and began to walk home but our path was blocked by Allen.

"Just who are you guys" was all he could manage; the somberness of the moment sapped our drive to fight each other. Even Krieg could hardly move from his position around my neck.

"We are the ones who profit from your failure. We will take this innocence and sell it to whomever pays for it. I have hand delivered this stuff to the Earl and watched him destroy it and by god it was beautiful. I've seen the Black Order experiment on kids not even ten to make more exorcists, killing thousands in futile attempts to win your war. You wish to know who we are" My voice rising higher and higher. "We are the offspring of two monsters who fight a bloody war that has no end, becoming monsters in our own right. We will kill exorcist and Akuma alike for they are the same. We are the Mercenaries, and I think the Black Order will kill off humanity far before the Earl." Allen just stood there, head down, taking it all in. "Catherine, let's go" she could only nod, surprised at my outburst. As we walked past Allen, I whispered in his ear "You have yet to realize how much of a monster the Black Order is" With that we left.

A few hours later on the train ride home, Krieg began to stir. Catherine had gotten her own cabin this time around so it was just us.

"Henry, why did you say that stuff about the Black Order? We do sell the innocence to them as well as the Earl and his family" Krieg asked with a look of concern on his face.

"Because everything they do to try and get an upper hand in the war makes them worse than the monster they fight. They are the reason I am what I am, and why my father is dead" my teeth were set on edge."I will avenge his death" a fire sparked in my eyes. "We will get the bastard who took away my father, that manipulative bastard Malcolm C. Lvellie."

**Author's Note : Wow, almost cried while writing that. So now we know a little bit more about why Henry hates the Black Order, and we saw what his innocence can do. To those who wonder why I hated on Lavi so much, it's not because I hate him, but that his persona is very annoying. Probably won't make chapters as long as this but always a chance.**

**Translations : **

**Tan – fire**

**Furie – anger, rage**

**dim Trugaredd – no mercy**

**Next chapter : Flashback Time (it's like story time, but no cookies) **


	4. Why I Hate The Black Order

**Author's Note: To anyone who has read the story up to now, I thank you. Today's chapter will explain why Henry hates the Black Order and explain the strange name of his innocence to anyone who was wondering. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man, just the Mercenaries. **

_Twelve years prior, Cardiff_

"Dad, when is mom coming home?" I pleaded to my father. I was eight back then and wore shorts that ended just after my knees and a collared shirt that was stained with dirt. My hair was a bit too overgrown and hid the orange eyes I was known for. My father dressed much the same way I do currently, the only difference being that his coat wasn't as worn out as it is now. His raven black hair was swept back and he wore blue tinted glasses because he thought they made him look cool. My mom was an exorcist who usually wore the standard uniform, even to her own wedding. They both met hunting the same innocence and said it was love at first sight, after a bloody five hour battle in which they destroyed an entire village in Mongolia.

We were just entering Cardiff, coming back from dad's mission in Ireland. He always took me along on the easy ones. This was another mission in a long list of missions as of late were the exorcists beat us to the punch.

"Mom is very busy making the world safe for children like you. Now can you be a good kid and walk back to the bar, I have business in town" He had a goofy grin that never left his face even as he said this. He ruffled my hair and went on his way, leaving me to get to the bar. I was enjoying the walk I had taken dozens of times before when I saw something familiar. Off in the distance, I saw a hooded figure wearing a black coat with silver trimmings. The figure was dangling their legs over the side of a pier on the bay.

"Mom" I cried out in delight. I ran towards the figure, passing by wooden buildings and side alleys. The figure turned around and I could see that it was indeed my mother, her auburn locks spilling out of the hood she wore. Something was wrong however, her expression. She seemed sad, close to tears. I ran faster, wanting to know what was wrong, when a hand reached out from an alley I was passing. One hand, then another, then another. Four pairs of hands in total had grabbed me and were carrying me farther down the alley. I got a glimpse of a brown hooded trench coat before something blunt hit me in the back of the head. The last thing I heard was a man saying "Nice work Ms. Nora" but that couldn't be true. Nora was my mom's name.

I awoke on a cold metal slab, dressed in a hospital gown. My head was throbbing and I wanted to reach up and rub my wounded cranium, but my hands were restrained. Looking to my left and right I could see other tables that each had a lump covered with a white sheet on it, tables stretching as far as the eye could see. Only now do I realize they were the other kids the Black Order experimented on. I heard the sound of footsteps off to the right.

"Hello. Someone help me!" I called out, hoping against hope that a friendly face would come. No, a man in scrubs hiding his face under a surgical mask came from behind the slab I was on and started pushing what I realized wasn't a solid slab but a cart. I begged and pleaded for this man to help me, but he did nothing. We left the giant room of corpses behind and went thru a series of ornate hallways. We ended up coming to a room I would never forget. Inside this room was a radiant creature that was beyond description. The others there referred to her as Hevlaska. A man was there who carried himself like a king among his peasants, Lvellie. On the right was his lapdog, Howard Link, and on the left was a shrewd looking man whose eyes constantly darted left and right. His face reminded me of the rats I see scurrying about most English cities. Lvellie appeared to be addressing the rat. I was more intent upon staring at Hevlaska, but I overheard the rat being called supervisor. Supervisor rat approached Hevlaska.

"You may begin introducing the innocence to the subject, Hevlaska" supervisor rat called out to her.

She hesitated but the withering glare from Lvellie forced her hand or tendril in this case. A lone tendril rose from her base, and in it was a glowing green sphere.

"Child," Hevlaska spoke in her eerie, but soothing voice "I am about to introduce a special substance called to innocence to your body, and if it accepts you, you will become an exorcist and save a lot of lives" She told me.

"Like my mom?" I asked. A sudden cry was heard and I looked to see a hooded figure I hadn't noticed before run out of the room.

Lvellie was getting impatient. "Enough small talk, begin Hevlaska" Even if you couldn't see her eyes, you knew she was glaring at him with intensity that would disturb a lesser men.

"Child this will hurt" was all the preparation I got before the innocence was forced on me. I can't say it was painful, horrible, or even excruciating. There weren't words to define what THIS was. Every cell in my body screamed in a horrid cacophony of bone crunching pain. This was what I felt in the first second of the innocence being forced on me. Hevlaska stopped five minutes later. She said it wouldn't work, that just because I was the son of two accommodators doesn't mean I can use innocence, but they wouldn't listen. Scientists had come in and where standing around taking notes on their clipboards, as though they were students in a college lecture hall.

"Again, and don't stop till we get a result" Lvellie demanded. If I wasn't suffering complete sensory overload and I wasn't strapped to a cart in an unknown place surrounded by my kidnappers, I might have pitied Hevlaska. However any pity for her died when she forced that accursed innocence onto me. This continued for a few hours or days. Your sense of time gets screwed up while being tortured. Suddenly the pain stopped as Hevlaska pulled back and cocked her head to the side. We all heard a faint noise in the distance. Everyone turned towards the doorway to the room. The noise grew louder and more distinct and eventually I could make it out. A grin spread across my pained face.

"My dad is going to hurt you bad people" the scientists grew a bit panicked and Link was trying to get Lvellie to go to a safer location. Hevlaska seemed happy, if only for a moment, that she could finally stop this whole idiotic process. The door to the room was broken down by the coolest man I knew, but he was different. He was covered in blood and cuts, with what looked like a bullet wound in his right shoulder. He had a wild look in his eye as he scanned the room, eventually resting his gaze upon me.

"Henry!" he shouted. I didn't have time to reply as he was by my side in a second with his innocence, Llafnau Deuol, glistening with blood and used his blades to slash off the restraints keeping me on my cart. He put his left sword into a loop on the back of his vest and then scooped me up in his now free arm. "If anyone follows us, I will bring down this whole tower!" he barked in a wild paternal frenzy. With me in hand, he ran out the door and thru countless hallways, splattered red in the blood of finders, crows, and even an exorcist who appeared to be taken from behind. I couldn't keep watching and buried my face in the fur of his coat. Then he stopped running.

I felt something warm and sticky on my skin and looked up to see a hole in the side of my father's chest, his face contorted in a mixture of shock and rage, his eyes locked on the same hooded figure that started this. She stared back with her own innocence in hand, determined not to let him pass. It was an antique dualing pistol, like what gentlemen use to settle arguments, made of oak wood. It was a beautiful weapon that she was an amazing shot with, both my father and I could attest to that. After a few ragged breathes the silence was broken.

"Just tell me why you did this Nora. To your own son!" the sound of his heartbreak clear as day.

"To win this war. I've told you countless times everything I've ever done is to win the war. The Millennium Earl is a monster who must be stopped at all costs" shock overcame him as he came to a sudden realization.

"It was all an act, wasn't it. Marrying me. Helping the Mercenaries. Even Henry. It was all an act from the get go to further the Black Order's agenda" He lowered me to the ground. He put his coat around my shoulders and his holstered blade in my hand. "Henry, mommy and daddy need to have a talk. I want you to keep going down this hall and take the first left you see. Grandma will be there to take you home." He ruffled my hair before pushing me down the hall past mom. He raised his remaining sword and the blood from his wounds started to flow into his sword. When he saw I was well enough away, he turned his attention back to his soon to be ex-wife.

"Nora, I want a divorce" and like that they both fired. Dad's blood bullet was engorged on those he slaughtered to get to me and from his many wounds. It was the size of a cannonball and went straight for Nora. Her own shot was smaller, but was known for destroying level threes in one hit. Both shots collided, creating a shower of sparks and blinding everyone there. When the dust settled, dad was shocked. A hole was in the wall a few feet away from him, a clean miss. His wife never missed. Nora had that gentle smile that made Dad fall in love with her even as the blood bullet exploded outward. Dad fell to his hands and knees and openly wept. I watched him from the end of the hall, partially concealed by the corner I was supposed to turn at. As he cried, he didn't notice the man with the cocked revolver approaching from behind him. I yelled at the top of my lungs for dad to turn around but it was too late.

"Good bye, Jacob Kashkin, you'll be joining your wife now" Lvellie pulled the trigger and it was all over. Dad never got up again and we never even got to bury his body. Lvellie reached down to take his innocence when it un-invoked, turning into a green mote of light and whizzing back to its twin that was still clutched in my hand. They then glowed an angry red and turned into their normal knife form. Lvellie's eyes followed the mote of light and came to rest on the shaking boy. What he mistook for fear was actually anger. Anger and hate directed at the man who took away the most important people in his life. I looked down at the knife in my hand and it seemed to radiate a burning heat. Even Jacob's innocence came to detest the man. I was going to take the man on when Grandma grabbed me from behind. Her face wasn't as gaunt and tired back then, she was full of life and carried a sniper one and half times her size, that being five foot eight.

"There isn't time Henry, we have to go NOW!" she said while yanking me back. She dragged me to a breach in the walls that led us to a forest. From there, I don't remember much. I just shut down from the trauma. Took a couple months but I eventually started talking again and was able to tell grandma everything that happened. A part of her died that day. She loved her son and treated his wife like a daughter.

After I inherited his innocence, I changed the name from Llafnau Deuol to Jacob, to honor the man who sacrificed himself for my sake. I trained every day for three years before I could invoke it and then another five to master it. I then donned my father's coat and spent every day after that working my way up to being the man who sits hear now on the stage of the Clever Fox bar.

_Present day, Clever Fox bar_

Catherine sat in silence after hearing my story, along with Krieg and Lyle, the latter eating a bowl of popcorn he got from the kitchen.

"However, I can't help feeling Lvellie won that day. He intended to create an accommodator that day and that's exactly what he got, but I'm going to make him pay for every man, woman, and child who died because of a monster like him."

"We had no idea, although this certainly does explain a lot" Catherine said, compassion and sympathy a rare but clearly evident thing in her voice. Krieg had already heard the story, but he still bowed his head in memory of his previous victim, I mean partner. Lyle didn't seem all that fazed, but I swore the look in his eye told me he was burning up on the inside. Then he asked a question.

"Why tell us all this?" the others glared at him, but let the question stand.

"Because you people are the closest thing I've had to a family since I lost my own." Catherine was now on her fourth box of tissues and was using them at a rate of fifteen per minute.

Deciding to bring my own pity party to an end, I got off the chair that I had moved onto the stage.

"But now isn't the time to worry about our pasts, that's for when we are old corpses like the boss. I want to make that man pay, and do you want to know how we can do that?" I asked them "We do our jobs! The jobs we wake up to everyday and love doing. Catherine," I turned to the French bartender" who else would not only let you, but encourage you to beat men to a bloody pulp on a daily basis? The Mercenaries!" she picked up her recently bowed head and flashed me a wicked smile as I turned to the fur ball "Krieg, who puts up with your constant attacks and scratches you behind the ears in that special spot? The Mercenaries!" He tried to scratch said spot, but Lyle had to reach over and help him out "And Lyle, who gave you access to a lab that allowed you to develop eighteen new explosive formulas and pays you to test them out" He pushed up his wire rim glasses, a matching grin now on all their faces, before finishing my sentence.

"The Mercenaries!"

"Now let's get downstairs, find the old hag, get a mission, kick ass, and get PAID!" A chorus of cheers resounded throughout the bar. Everyone streamed into the HQ, their earlier depression replaced with a new found vigor, with me taking up the rear of the group. Before leaving the bar, my hand reached out to the wooden door, wear J+N was carved inside a jagged heart in the wood.

"I think I will make you proud dad, you too mom." I pushed open the door and dove for the slowly closing hatch. I grabbed the ladder to slow my descent only to find at the bottom the whole group waiting for me. Seeing as this was the perfect time for it, I pulled out my own tinted glasses, a deep red, before putting them on.

"Let's get to work."

**Author's Note : Wow, now we know why Jacob hate the Order, he is like a male Lenalee, but with a CSI reference and less crying. If you're wondering why I made this an especially depressing chapter to explain his origins, look at the back story of EVERY major character in the D. Gray-Man. Kanda, Allen, Lavi, Lenalee, and the list goes on and on, but I digress. I felt I needed a serious chapter to offset the wackiness I hope to add once we meet the Noah. Just imagine what pain Road AND Krieg could inflict to an already traumatized beansprout. **

**Next Chapter : Krieg gets an upgrade, a little girl skips school, and Miranda has a change of heart.**

**Translations :**

**Llafnau Deuol – dual blades**


	5. The Rewinding Town

**Author's Note : Now is the fateful chapter we have all been waiting for, we will have Rhode meet the exorcists and Mercenaries. You know you love that little sadist. Also I will introduce another mercenary who won't have a large part, he will be the Q to my Bond. On a final note, I went back to chapter four and tweaked it a bit at the end. Enough talk, let's get the show on the Rhode. XD **

**Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man, just the Mercenaries.**

I was in the HQ, walking towards the science wing, with Lyle leading the way. "So Lyle, what is it you wanted to show me?"

"We came up with an upgrade for Krieg that would allow you to stay in touch with us, and the boss said for you to hold on to this" he tossed me an oddly familiar innocence. Then it hit me like a punch from Catherine.

"Why does she want me to hold the innocence I got from Matter?"

"She thinks you might find a buyer on the road, or maybe even its accommodator so we could have another innocence user on our side." It seemed like the kind of crazy idea grandma would come up with, but I have no idea where I would find someone with enough cash to buy innocence with our steep prices. We were almost to the science wing and already passed many abnormal signs, even by our standards. I looked to largest one and it reads as follows.

"Beware all ye who enter. We are not responsible for any lost limbs, organs, or human souls. Do not open any containers lest you release a highly infectious zombie virus and destroy the whole country. If you hear a whistling sound followed by a series of five sharp clicks, you are going to die in the time it takes to finish reading this intentionally long winded sign. May science have mercy on your soul." Well I'm still alive so I guess I'm fine.

"Okay, now about that upgrade." We reached the end of the hallway leading to the science wing. Its design was unique to say the least. A giant square sixty feet in length that went down into five smaller squares, kind of like an upside down Mayan temple. Each square level was ten feet thick and the bottom was twenty. At the bottom square was a man standing over a table with a sleeping Krieg strapped down. We went down the stairs that bisected each level. My head swung to and fro, still in awe of the various lab equipment, they even had a cow on the third level. It was staring at a sponge with a spatula that looked as though it were making burgers for some reason. I stopped gawking as Lyle addressed the man in front of me.

"John, do you want to tell him or should I?" John Smith was a stranger among the Mercenaries. He was an American who came to the Mercenaries with Lyle, never spoke to anyone but Lyle. He has a full bushy beard and wiry black hair. He dresses as though he weren't from this day and age. He wore jeans, pants not typically seen outside of Genoa and what Lyle says is a T-shirt. On it were the words "Led Zeppelin", whatever that means. I once asked where he got his strange clothes but John just points towards a strange metal platform on the first level. A sign hanging in front of it said "time machine." Lyle said I could use it, but that is a story for another time. John shook his head and let Lyle take his place next to the table.

"Ahem, I must begin with saying that Krieg had no idea we were going to do this so when he wakes up, so he will be pissed." John did what Lyle says is a face palm. "Today, we made history! Krieg is the first ever wireless telephone. It was a simple procedure were we…" I toned out most of what he said in his one and a half hour speech but I picked up the words "ribcage" "jammed" and "Siri" at one point or another. "So in conclusion, if you tell Krieg to call someone, he can. He could even call the Earl if you really wanted. We can also call Krieg, and by the transitive property, you." He proceeded to walk over to a phone attached to the wall and dialed a number. Krieg's chest began to glow as song filled the air.

"If you like Pinna Coladas, and getting stuck in the rain." At this point I wasn't sure whether to laugh or tremble in terror at what he will do to me when he wakes up. Lyle coughed to get my attention.

"Now we didn't do this just because we are reckless mad scientists with no regard for safety or ethics, we have that stuff planned for Wednesday" I don't want to know "The boss has a mission for you where you might be cut off from the outside world. It's a small town in Germany which seems to be stuck on the same day for weeks now. You and Krieg will go on your own to this town to recover whatever innocence is causing the phenomenon. You should leave now before Krieg wakes up" He then loosened the restraints holding Krieg down, but he made a horrible mistake. Krieg wasn't unconscious anymore. Our screams could be heard thru out the base.

_A few days later  
_

Krieg was still pissed after his little operation but eventually calmed enough to leave with me on our mission. We just got thru the woods outside the Rewinding town when I saw familiar mop of white hair.

Standing at the city gate was that exorcist from Matter, Allen, and a very pissed off samurai. They then walked thru the town gate, passing thru an unseen barrier.

"That kid is still alive? Well at least we won't have to work too hard to get this innocence" Krieg flashed me a knowing a look "Those exorcists will do the work for us."

"Krieg, I like the way you think" I said while passing thru the barrier myself.

In the distance, a little girl was sitting upon a disgruntled umbrella, wondering what she would do with her new playmates.

I was walking thru town, sticking to the side streets and alleys to stay away from the beansprout, when I heard a woman's scream. Deciding that I had nothing better to do, I investigated. Following the sound to its source, I stumbled upon an Akuma pinning a terrified woman to a wall.

"Am I interrupting something?" I chuckled darkly before invoking Jacob. I threw one sword at the floating arm pinning the woman before I brought the other in a diagonal slash from hip to shoulder, cleaving the Akuma in two. I went to retrieve my thrown weapon and when I looked back, the woman was gone.

"Not even a thank you, the nerve of some people" Krieg huffed as I began my search for the woman. That is, until my stomach growled and I started my grand quest to find edible food.

I entered a quaint looking restaurant and took a seat at the bar. I was about to order some food when I saw Allen and his samurai friend. They appeared to be yelling at each other over a piece of paper, I leaned back to get a better look and almost fell off my chair laughing. It was a drawing of what I assumed to be the woman I had saved, but it looked like a two year old drew it. Then I saw her. Sitting at the table directly behind the samurai was the woman, intently listening to argument between the exorcists. I got up and walked over to her table, but then the beansprout saw me.

"You! Kanda, that's the guy from Matter who got the innocence from me and Lavi" then he noticed the woman I sat with "you were the one being chased by that Akuma."

"Yes beansprout" Kanda snickered at that", now would you and your girlfriend please keep it down, I'm trying to have a nice meal with a Ms." I left the sentence open, waiting for her input. While waiting for her response, Krieg jumped off my shoulder and onto Allen's table. He then ate the remainder of his food, much to the beansprout's shock, before returning to his rightful place.

She seemed shocked by the whole situation, but after thirty days of the same day repeating itself, meeting two exorcists, an akuma, mercenary, and soon a talking fox in one day would shock even me.

"My name is Miranda," but before she could continue, Allen's eye activated.

"Henry, I need you and Kanda to take Miranda home, those Akuma at the bar have been watching us for a while. I'll handle this" Kanda tsked before moving his hand away from Mugen. Grabbing Miranda I jumped out the window, followed closely by Kanda. I ran as Miranda called out directions. Upon reaching her house she invited us inside and told us her story. I normally zone out and ignore these long winded speeches, but something about her just captivated me. I wanted to reach out and tell her everything was alright whenever she talked about being fired or called useless but I held myself back. I couldn't believe she had never once been told thank you. What the hell is happening to me?

_Back with Allen  
_

"I say corrode him."

"We should slice him."

"No, make his head explode."

This was what Allen was forced to listen to as the Akuma continued to Rock, Paper, Scissors to determine how best to kill Allen. Being a sane man, Allen didn't wait for them to finish and opened fire with his cannon arm.

"Oi, what did you do that for. We were having a private discussion" the Akuma fumed. They were about to retaliate when a voice spoke to them.

"That looks like fun, but shouldn't you be finding the innocence?" a child's voice told them. "Come back here, now."

The Akuma smashed thru the ceiling and fled the building, leaving a confused Allen behind.

_At Miranda's  
_

"So you are saying that on the first October ninth, you got drunk and wished tomorrow would never come, and when this happened, didn't make the connection between that and the fact that October tenth never came?" Kanda asked disbelief clear in his voice. Allen came in, tired and confused from his encounter with the Akuma. After casting a fearful glance at Krieg, he went to stand with Kanda, who I now know is a guy.

"I suppose so" Miranda replied in a sheepish voice. She was skittish after Kanda's inquisition, although I was beginning to think she was always like this.

"Then I guess that means that your clock is the innocence, and since it responded to your drunken pleas, you're its accommodator." I told her, although she didn't seem to be listening anymore. She had a thousand yard stare and made her way to her bed.

"Samurai, what is she doing?" I asked. Before he could respond, we turned to the large grandfather clock as it struck midnight. I don't know what they put in the water in this town but I started seeing clocks coming out of the walls and thru the window. Then I felt a force pulling me towards the clock. I saw Kanda was also struggling and had stabbed his now un-sheathed Mugen into the floor to keep himself in place.

"I'm too young to die!" Krieg cried. I didn't have time to invoke my innocence so I jumped for Miranda's bed and latched onto one of her bedposts. Allen was holding onto the window sill and was staring in awe at the flying clocks. I was starting to lose the feeling in my arms when the clocks pull stopped. Kanda, Allen, and I fell to the ground, exhausted.

"What just happened?" we all asked simultaneously. Then we looked out the window. It was morning now, the sound of children playing outside and Miranda's neighbors fighting could be heard. Miranda jumped out of bed like nothing happened.

"Did I miss something?" she asked. It was going to be a long day.

Some distance away, a girl sat upon an akuma, liking its blood from her fingers. She was wondering what to do with these exorcists when the umbrella started talking.

"Rhode, you can't just skip school to kill exorcists. The Earl is going to spank you if he finds out you took me with you, Lero" the umbrella, Lero, screeched.

"Shut up Lero, the Earl won't lay a finger on me and none of this will affect his scenario, all I want to do is have some fun." She proclaimed to the umbrella. "And I know just what to do."

_Three days later  
_

"Step right up to get your ticket to _The Pumpkin and the Witch_" Miranda called out. We had come to a consensus that if Miranda's negativity brought on by losing her job caused this problem, then her positivity could fix it. Miranda was dressed as a witch and selling tickets to the local show while Allen was balancing on a ball and juggling an assortment of balls and knives. Krieg was sitting on the ledge of the rooftop I chose to watch from while Kanda took a nap on the other side.

"Henry, you keep staring at Miranda" Krieg said "I've seen that look before. You're father had it the day he met your mom." He was laughing now "You're falling for the only girl more depressing than you" Krieg was on his back now. It would have been so easy to push him off.

"And what is so strange about that?" I nearly shouted.

"Because your dad fell in love with an accommodator and look where that got him."

"No, he fell in love with an exorcist, there is a difference."

"And what do you think is going to happen when this is over, kid? I know you don't have it in you to take her innocence by force and I doubt the Black Order will let an accommodator go without a fight. Face it kid, you have no chance with her."

"Krieg, you forgot one very important thing" Krieg was confused at this. "There is always a third choice." Before I could elaborate, the sound of Miranda crying out caught my attention. I jumped down without a moment's hesitation, at her side in seconds. "What happened?"

"Some man stole all the money I collected" she said. She was heartbroken and the look on her employer's face told me she would be out of the job. I snapped.

"Kanda, Krieg! Come with me" turning to Allen "Allen, guard Miranda and if you screw up I will nail you to a wall."

"You used my actual name." Allen stammered, but I was already down the street after the thief.

With Kanda and Krieg on the rooftops, we quickly caught up to thief and cornered him. Then he transformed.

"It's a trap!" was all Krieg got out before being knocked against the wall by the three headed Akuma. The biggest Akuma froze the entire Alley before the three headed one blasted bits of ice everywhere. My innocence was invoked but it was too late for retaliation. The ice shards knocked in the air froze my legs to the ground and then a direct hit from that ice fire knocked me out.

When I awoke, I first thing I saw was two candles were stabbed thru my left and right palms. The second thing I saw was something that made all the pain I was currently feeling worth it. In a posh red chair directly in front of me was a paralyzed Kanda, in a black dress. It appeared someone had even taken the time to apply make-up. Then I was enraged. To my left was Miranda, her hands pierced with candles that held her to her clock. To my right was Allen, with the three headed Akuma hammering candles onto his innocence arm.

"Hey Akuma" I shouted to the one hammering. It turned to me." Thanks for saving me the trouble of nailing him myself, mind putting another dozen into him?" it seemed to enjoy my encouragement but stopped after he finishing the candle in Allen's palm.

"Now why would an exorcist encourage an Akuma to hurt his friend?" a voice in front of me asked. I looked back towards Kanda and now saw a girl in Allen's coat sitting in the chair's armrest. In her lap was Krieg, a pink bow in his fur.

"This again" I moaned "First, I'm mercenary." I'm starting to think I need business cards or something so I can stop explaining this stuff" Second, those two you have there aren't female. Third, who are you?" She was shocked.

"You sure she isn't just flat chested? I really liked playing with her hair" she said, pointing at Kanda while checking for male genitalia on Krieg, she gave a cringe of disgust that told me she found it.

"Yes, now can I have my fox and maybe your name?" She threw Krieg to me, who landed on the ground next to me. He let out a whimper before getting up into a sitting position.

"Krieg, you weren't paralyzed, were you?" he shook his head "and you let that girl put a bow thru your fur?" he lowered his head, embarrassed.

"I'm sorry Henry, but she found the most amazing spot and has been scratching me for hours. I just couldn't say no after that kind of hospitality."

The girl was getting irritated at me ignoring her and formed several candles around my head.

"I am Rhode Camelot and I will not be ignored!" Before she could skewer me, the idiot beansprout woke up.

"Look, beansprout is awake" It was like she was bipolar. She instantly turned all cheery when Allen woke.

While she proceeded to give her standard evil villain speech explaining what she is and why she hates humanity in an obscure way, I looked over to Miranda.

"Miranda, are you okay?"

"Yeah, but I'm worried about Allen" she nodded in his direction. As I looked over, I could see Allen was being hugged by Rhode.

"Great, I almost get stabbed and he gets a hug from Ms. Gender Confusion." That got a small giggle from Miranda, alleviating the tension of the moment. Then Allen ripped his arm loose, followed by Rhode's face. The tension was palpable. What shocked all of us was that her face grew back. She then reached up and materialized a candle, which she thrust into Allen's cursed eye.

"You kind of had that coming, beansprout" I hollered. Rhode turned on me and came over.

"Shut up!" She pulled out the candle in my left hand and was about to bring it down on my own eye before I reacted. I rolled to my right, pulling out the spike in my right hand as I went.

"Fine, if I can't stab you, I'll stab the woman" she gave a wicked laugh as a cluster of candles materialized over her head and with a flick of her finger went right for Miranda. Allen and I ran to intercept the volley, but everything seemed to move in slow motion. I was mortified, part of me couldn't stand to let this woman I've only known for three days get so much as a scratch. I jumped. THUD. Miranda looked up to see me and my dumb smile. She was happy to see her savior, and then shocked at the dozen of projectiles lodged in my back.

"Oh god, OH GOD. Please don't die for a useless person like me." She pleaded. I had shakily reached up and carefully removed the spikes from her hands before falling to my knees in front of her.

"If I really thought you were useless, I wouldn't have jumped." I attempted to laugh, but it came out as a more of a gurgle. "Miranda, I've had a good life and these past three days have been some of the best, so for everything you've done, thank you." As I slowly felt my consciousness slip away, I was overcome by a blinding light. Miranda's innocence was turning into a clock face, then a large bubble. I saw what looked like clocks leaving my body and felt re-invigorated. I looked up at my savior, who was marveling at her newfound power. Allen was also in the bubble having his wounds healed.

"Miranda, you are amazing." Turning to Allen" All right beansprout, time to end the melodrama and cue the action music. Can you use that arm of yours and fetch Kanda and Krieg?" His innocence arm shot forward and came back with Kanda's chair, Krieg in Kanda's lap. As the clocks left Kanda, we suppressed snickers that would have gotten us killed. Kanda, now able to move, pulled out Mugen from somewhere in his dress and pointed it at each of our throats.

"If anyone says a word, I will end them." After a death threat from Kanda, we launched our attack. Kanda launched his underworld insects out of the bubble in all direction. As the Akuma ran about, trying to dodge the grotesque projectiles, Allen jumped out, landing on top of the three headed Akuma and firing his cannon at point-blank range.

"One down, three to go" Allen called out. The two remaining Akuma pulled back to Rhode.

"How are you all healed? The mercenary should be bleeding out by now" she was upset at this turn of events, but a malicious smile spread across her gray face. She pointed to the beansprout.

"You're Allen, right? The Earl talks about you. The Exorcist who wants to save akuma. Do you know what happens when an Akuma is killed by something besides innocence? It soul doesn't get released to heaven and Is lost to the deepest, darkest bowels of hell." I was getting concerned. She turned to the ice fire Akuma. "You, self-destruct." Then turning to the umbrella she was riding like a satanic Mary Poppins "Lero, give me a countdown." The pumpkin head started counting down from ten, and Allen was already running for the Akuma. I raised my innocence to take a shot, but there were no wounds for me to draw blood from to take the shot, so I had to save beansprout. Krieg, however, beat me to it. He had left the bubble some time during the fighting and flung himself at Allen, knocking over the exorcist.

Then Lero finished his countdown. The explosion was far larger then when you kill the akuma yourself, and if Krieg hadn't stopped Allen, there would have been an Allen shaped smudge on the ground. While Allen's cursed eye appeared to cry blood, Kanda saw the final surviving Akuma trying to sneak around and get to Miranda's bubble, but he pounced and brought his blade down straight thru the Akuma's oblong head. The Akuma had a strangely mortified look that puzzled me until I realized that from his position under Kanda, he just saw what was up his dress and was horrified by what he saw.

"Alright Rhode, we broke all your toys, now get down here and fight" I called out, interrupting her fit of laughter at the Akuma's self-destruct. She gave us a dirty look before calling her door. Before she could walk thru it, Allen was behind her, cannon pointed at her head, but he was unable to fire.

"We are going to have a lot of fun together Allen" she called out before going into the black void of her door. Then the world started to shake and fall apart. When we awoke, we were still in Miranda's apartment. Rhode had left an obscene message for the exorcists. I looked around and noticed we were missing one person.

"Miranda" I called as I started to search the apartment. The others had joined in the search and soon we found her. She was still maintaining her innocence and we all knew it was putting too much strain on her. "Miranda, you can stop know. Rhode is gone now." She rapidly shook her head.

"If I stop it now, your wounds will come back, and I don't want to lose the people who saved me." It was Kanda who spoke next.

"Exorcists are stronger than your average person, and that mercenary isn't half bad either. We will be fine with or without your innocence" I was surprised, to think Kanda was capable of acts of kindness.

"Miranda, before you de-activate your innocence and all of us collapse from our various wounds" I extended my hand out to her "would you like to join the Mercenaries?" Allen was irritated at me trying to poach innocence from him, but it wasn't the innocence I wanted. "We could use someone as useful as you. I can't promise you'll do good or evil, but I can guarantee a family who will take a dozen or so candles for you." She took my hand in hers before she de-activated her innocence and everyone but Krieg and her fell to the floor, old wounds returning. Krieg walked up to Miranda.

"That boy really likes you, you know. So what are you going to do? " Krieg looked up at her. She had a tiny smile that fit nicely with her now let down hair.

"I think I finally found my calling." She reached down to pet Krieg when she remembered something. "AH! They're bleeding out. I NEED A DOCTOR!" Miranda ran screaming about a doctor while Krieg took up his place on Henry's shoulder.

"So that was the third choice. Well played kid, well played."

**Author's Note : And now Miranda has joined the Mercenaries. There might even be romance later on. Not sure I did Rhode justice in this one, but dialogue isn't my specialty. If you wonder why I glaze over the important story points like Rhodes speech about the Noah, it's because that isn't the main focus of this story, and we all have read it before. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and found the Fringe reference I put early on. If you found anything to be too strange, like the time traveling American scientist or the Henranda relationship, as I've dubbed it, send me a PM saying why. Also, John Smith is a character I only intend to use in filler chapters and parts in the HQ, he won't go around in a futuristic mech suit with rocket pods and dual miniguns, even though that would be awesome. You can also leave suggestions for what T-shirt he should wear next chapter. On a final note, I will update every two days next week once I stop having days off and get back in school. Hurricane Sandy has given me four days of the week off already and I'm hoping to get all five. On an extra final note, If you are wondering why I shoved a smartphone into Krieg's ribcage, it's a plot device for future events.**

**Next chapter : Miranda gets a tour and a Noah family dinner. What could go wrong?**


	6. Cows, Women, and Vincent van Gogh Oh My!

**Author's Note : So sorry for the late update, but welcome back to another episode of The Mercenaries, where everyone calls Allen beansprout, Miranda does stuff, Rhode thinks Kanda is a chick, and a smart phone is shoved into a small animal. Yup, if you thought the story would finally become normal and people would act sane, you were dead wrong. Due to frequent typos, I might slow down my publishing to ensure a finer quality of storytelling. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man, just the Mercenaries. **

Well this was a pickle. After passing out, me and the exorcists where moved to the local hospital. I was in a room on the third floor, directly over the hospitals entrance. Above the entrance were three flag poles all flying the German flag. Miranda was asleep in the chair next to my bed with Krieg on her lap. Once again he had betrayed me in order to get closer to a woman, damn that playboy. I could live with all this if not for the fact that the Black Order would undoubtedly send someone to check on their injured exorcists, and I don't think they would let Miranda go just because she asks them nicely. Any day now someone is going to visit the beansprout or Kanda, and they will turn me over in a heartbeat.

"Krieg!" I hissed. I had a plan, but it won't work without Krieg and his upgrade. "Get over here, I need you." He was irritated at me for interrupting his nap, but knew the urgency of the situation. He bounded over to my bed, tail flicking back and forth in annoyance.

"What do you need kid?" he questioned.

I moved into a sitting position on my hospital bed. I scooped up Krieg and held him in front of my face, then said the magic words Lyle said would activate Krieg's upgrade.

"Siri, call Lyle!" I said firmly. Krieg's chest glowed and I could hear a ringing noise, and soon after a voice projected out of Krieg's now open snout.

"Hello? Is that you Henry? I'm kind of in a tight spot so can you make this brief" I could hear explosions going off in the background that had me concerned.

"Lyle, I'm stuck in a hospital outside the Rewinding town. I have the innocence and it's accommodator but I'm stuck in the hospital. There are two wounded exorcists a few doors down from me and I'm sure someone from the Black Order is going to come and check on them. If that happens, we lose our newest recruit. Say hi Miranda" I shoved Krieg in front of a confused and half asleep Miranda.

"Hi? Um, Henry, why are you shoving Krieg in my face?" I didn't have time to respond as the explosions on the other end of the line were getting louder.

"It's okay Henry, I planned for this. I've has been in Berlin since you arrived at the Rewinding town. I can pick you up in three hours."

"Bring a carriage or something, the innocence is in a grandfather clock and weighs a ton."

Before he could respond, a final explosion severed the connection. I turned to Miranda, who was cleaning her innocence.

"What day is today?"

"Tuesday."

"Ah, explosive Tuesday. Lyle's favorite day of the week. Anyway, we should be getting out of here in a few hours so all we have to do is relax." Krieg closed his snout and curled up at the foot of my bed. Miranda finished cleaning her clock and walked over to the window.

"Um Henry." She was staring at something out the window." We have company." Great, I can't just relax for a few hours. I pulled myself out of bed and limped to the window.

"We got off easy this time, Miranda" Down below, Komui Lee, Bookman, and Lavi where walking towards the hospital." We can probably talk our way out if push comes to shove."

"Do you know these exorcists?" I guess I should of elaborated.

"Yeah, the one dressed in white is Komui Lee, the supervisor of the European Black Order HQ. I met him during one of our monthly auctions. He had the Earl sweating a few times." Pointing to the old man to Komui's right" He is called Bookman. We don't know his given name so we use his title. He records the secret history of world and lately has been working with the Order. He had a falling out with the Earl and decided the Black Order would be a better fit for him." Finally pointing to the red head on Komui's left" And that idiot is Lavi. A cocky exorcist and Bookman's apprentice, nothing special beyond that" I shuffled back to my bed. "We'll be fine; the first thing the reinforcements will do is check on their own people. The debriefing and any medical treatment they have planned for the beansprout will take at least five hours. We will be long gone before they even know what room we were in."

_Three hours later_

"Hello Mercenary" I opened my eyes to find a smirking Lavi over me.

"Is this Hell? If not just shoot me." Looking over to Miranda, who once again had Krieg, she seemed to be enjoying my torment.

"Not going to happen, we have some questions for you. Come on in guys." Komui and Bookman came in. Kanda was still paralyzed so I wouldn't have to worry about Mr. Samurai, and Allen lost an eye so I don't think he will be out of bed for awhile. Komui approached as Lavi jumped off my bed.

"Hello Henry, how is business lately? Seems you are trying to recruit this young lady here" he indicated Miranda "I thought you only sold innocence, not exorcists." Komui was normally a very nice guy, unless you touch his sister, but he couldn't trust anyone who would work with the Earl and the now the Noah. He probably thinks I'm just a little better than a broker.

"Komui, after all these years, I thought you knew me better than that" I gave him a cocky smile that would have been right at home on the Earl. "I'm offended you would call her merchandise, she is the newest member of the Mercenaries." His face drooped, that was not what he wanted to hear. He wanted to hear something like "Allen's bravery and courage in battle against the evil Noah Rhode inspired Miranda to join the exorcists and fight to defeat the nefarious Millennium Earl" or some other crock.

"Ms. Miranda, can I ask why you are joining the Mercenaries?" Komui asked her, hoping he still had a chance to turn her to his side." They work with the monsters who inflicted those wounds on your hands and his back, even Allen's eye was caused by an Akuma created by the same creature Henry here drinks tea with." He gave me an accusatory glare like everything was my fault.

She surprised me. I expected some of that to impact her, make her question her faith in me, but she didn't waver. "He got those wounds saving my life. Not once did he save my life, but twice. He nearly died to save someone who didn't want to go on anymore and because of him I have a purpose in this world." She was standing now, Krieg tossed onto my bed, and staring Komui down, even though he was taller. "Your exorcists did help me and for that I'm grateful, but the one who is bed ridden because of me is Henry." By the time she was done, her face was beet red. Komui was surprised by the reportedly reserved woman's outburst.

With a new found respect for her, I turned to Komui. "Now is there any other reason you came here, or should Krieg escort you out." The fur ball perked up at this, much to the dismay of Lavi.

Komui having never suffered the wrath of Krieg wasn't intimidated by a little talking fox. Bookman, however, took a step back. Before the situation could escalate the door to my room opened.

"Hey Lyle, what took you so long?" Lyle was pushing up his glasses, the dumb smile plastered on his face telling me he has something fun planned. Too bad his sense of fun was much the same as Rhodes. Komui went pale at the sight of Lyle.

"Lyle? Lyle Tan? Aren't you a wanted criminal in the Americas?" Komui stammered. This was not his day.

Lyle closed the door behind him as came in, seating himself at the end of my bed. "Do you know another Lyle who is also a mercenary? I thought not." Turning to Miranda" could you and your clock please come over here?" She looked to me and I nodded my approval.

"Okay, is there a reason everyone is piled onto my bed?" I inquired.

"Yes" he said.

"And that reason would be?" getting a bit impatient.

"The bombs" he stated. He pulled out a tiny box with a single red button, the detonator. Then he pushed the button. Komui cried out for Lenalee. Lavi expanded his hammer to shield Bookman and himself. One second passed. Then five seconds. When it hit thirty seconds, Lyle nearly fell of the bed laughing. It wasn't a Ha-ha laugh, more of a deranged psychopaths laugh.

"I was kidding, this detonator is a dud" everyone let out a sigh of relief." I put them on a timer." The floor around the bed blew out in a small, controlled circle as the simultaneous detonation of Lyle's explosives rocked the building. The bed filled to the brim with mercenaries fell straight thru the newly created hole, unharmed. As it landed on the second floor, another ring of explosives went off. We ended up in the main lobby, nurses and doctors bewildered by us "dropping in". We all piled out of the overcrowded bed and walked out the front door.

"Lyle, what was the chance that your explosives would have killed us, knocked the bed upside down and crushed us, or destroyed the entire room we were in?" He thought this over for a minute, counting off numbers on his fingers.

"Eighty four percent chance we would have been killed or horribly crippled, why do you ask?"

"I don't know anymore, let's just get out here." Lyle picked up Miranda's clock and brought it out to the awaiting carriage. After strapping it to the roof, he took the reins while Miranda and I went inside.

"Is every day like this?" she asked.

"Yup, and it's not too late to get off the crazy train. I'm sure Komui will still take you if you go back." If he survived the blast, of course. Krieg popped out of her dress, the little pervert, and latched onto my face.

"Boy, shut up and take this mercenary to the HQ."

_Days later, Clever Fox Bar_

"This is it? I expected more." Miranda was disappointed. We had arrived at the English Channel, ditched the carriage Lyle later told us was stolen, rigged it with dynamite, and walked away slowly as it went off. I admit it was awesome, until we remembered the horses. Goodbye Bob and Susan. After sailing across, we and took a train the rest of the way.

"The bar is a front, and a secondary source of income. There is less than a hundred innocence left in the world, so we need the bar to keep us afloat during the dry periods." Or as the rest of the world calls it, the seventeenth century.

"You coming or should I get you guys a room?" Lyle called out, still holding the front door open. Miranda blushed like a tomato and scurried inside. Note to self, kill Lyle. As I followed her inside, I noted the place was unusually calm. All the patrons were watching this one table. There sat Catherine and another girl, around twenty.

"Catherine, who is your friend here?" the friend in question was very timid, her head lowered. She had blonde hair and assets that could match hers. "Ah, now I get it." I grabbed Catherine by the collar and began dragging her, chair and all, to the HQ hatch. "Come along Miranda, and you drunks" addressing the disappointed crowd " I expected better of the of Cardiff's finest." The lecherous coppers went back to their drinks as I dragged a fuming Catherine away.

"Henry, why are dragging this woman with us?" Miranda asked.

"The question isn't why we are we doing it, but why isn't Lyle. You know we don't let her hunt on the mercenary grounds!" but Lyle was already down the hatch. "Catherine here has a thing for blondes, and Grandma doesn't think it's proper, so we cover for her." She still didn't get it "She plays for the other team" Not getting it. "She likes Tacos, not hotdogs" This went on for several minutes, all of us in a dirty bathroom hallway, Catherine still in the chair and getting redder by the minute, and Miranda was just not getting it.

"Just forget it and go down the hole" I opened the hatch for her and pushed Miranda down, followed close by her clock. "Don't forget to grab the ladder." I cringed at what I could only assume was sound of breaking bones. Now to deal with Catherine. "Can I leave you up here?" she nodded vigorously but I didn't buy it. "I have a better idea" and threw her down the hatch as well. "I love this thing! Now to get something to eat."

Ten minutes later I was down the hatch as well and landed on John. That explained the sound of broken bones. He appeared unconscious and if he already survived two women and a clock, he would be fine without my help.

"Miranda, thank you so much for breaking my fall." Oh god, Catherine was using her "I'm sweet, innocent, and house broken. Please take me home with you" voice. I turned to see Catherine holding a befuddled Miranda, whose face was currently shoved into the bosom of the taller French woman. Facing me, Catherine raised her eyebrows in a sleazy manner. Maybe I shouldn't have thrown her down that hatch. "Here, let me show you to my, I mean, your room."

"NO! Take Krieg or grandma, but don't take Miranda!" She gave a wicked laugh, knowing she had me in her clutches, while Miranda was blissfully unaware of this life or death struggle. My death and her life. Maybe I should I have higher standards but what she lacks in intelligence, grace, skill, and intuition, she makes up for in personality.

"What would I get out of this?" okay I had a chance at least.

"I don't suppose I can offer myself" I said. Now she was halfway down the hallway to the dormitory. Backfire. "Wait." My head hung down, I jogged up to the waiting Catherine. Curse this evil witch, I had only one card left to play. "GRANDMA!" I screamed like I was still six. The witch looked like I dumped a bucket of water on her.

"I will get you back" she hissed, but fled to the ladder leading back to the bar. She just barely evaded granny by a few seconds. She burst into the corridor, ridiculously large sniper at the ready.

"Junior, what the hell is going on? Are the tax collectors back?" It wouldn't be the first time they launched a full scale assault. Then she noticed Miranda. Dis-engaging badass mode, she turned into a sweet old lady. "And who is this little lady? A girlfriend? When are you going to give me great-grandchildren?" Scratch that, she is a going into nagging mode.

"To answer your questions, this is Miranda, maybe, and you will be dead before that ever happens." She doesn't seem disturbed by any of that, leading me to think she is going deaf. "Also she is the newest accommodator we recruited, putting us at a grand total of three worldwide." It's actually five but two of them refuse to use their innocence. Something about being pacifists.

"Oh, so we aren't selling this one. Too bad." looking at the clock "And that is her innocence. What does it do?"

"From what we've seen, it can reverse time in a localized time, removing injuries while the innocence is active. We won't know more until Lyle and John" I could hear him moaning in the distance "take it apart and put it into a usable form." That is when the knife came out. Where Miranda kept it, I have no idea.

"You won't touch my clock. Don't touch my precious! My precious!" she was frantic, waving the knife around like a madman.

"We are just going to break it down into a usable form; we can get you another clock."

_Five hours later_

She had finally calmed down enough for me to continue our tour. I sent grandma off knowing Catherine wouldn't be back down in a while. We finished our walk down the hall and came to the dormitories. The hall ended in a T intersection. To the left was a small library, while the right led to a more commonly used lounge. What we were focused on was the single door, made of polished maple wood.

"One room? How do you all live in one room?" I expected this and decided a demonstration was in order. I walked up to the door and grabbed the door knob.

"Henry" I told the door. Then I turned the knob and pushed the door open. The room had birch oak along the walls, with white fur rugs covering the floor. A bed was in the back left corner and a dresser on the far right. On the bed was a sleeping Krieg, snoring like a sailor. What Miranda found strange was the two pillows left out on the middle of the room.

"What are those for?" Ah, I think she'll like this.

"Just lay down and I'll show you" I was already in the rug; head plopped onto the right pillow. She shrugged off her clock and got down onto the left one. Then she gasped. "My mother met a painter while on a mission in France. She fell in love with one of his pieces and commissioned him to duplicate it for me." On the ceiling was Vincent van Gogh's _The Starry Night_, in all its majesty. "I have yet to see an artist who can invoke more emotion and passion then Vincent." We stayed like this for what felt like hours, but Miranda's clock said it was only forty minutes.

"All right, as much I'd love for you to stay in my room, I should probably show you how to get your own" a light blush spread across her cheeks. We filed out of my room and closed the door. I motioned for her to approach the door. "Now put your hand on the door and say your name. Since you haven't used the door before you'll probably get a barebones room." She reached a shaky hand out to the doorknob.

"Miranda." Open sesame. The door creaked open, revealing a simple stone room with only a bed for furniture in the center. The poor lighting coming from two small candles in recesses next to the doorway didn't illuminate the entire room, leaving the corners shrouded in darkness. It was kind of spooky and even I had trouble staying inside.

"Sorry Miranda, sometimes these rooms come out a little wrong."

"I love it!" she cried out in joy. Of course she would, it's like the room was built for her. I guess it was, in a way. The door sometimes just knows what you want. "How does that work? It's amazing" she asked while admiring her room.

"We don't actually know. When the base was being dug, it was found already here. You could dig around it, but there would be nothing on the other side. When the early mercenaries discovered what it did, we thought it would be a cost effective replacement to digging out dozens of rooms."

"Cost-effective?"

"Building an underground lair is expensive, especially when you can't use explosives, lest we cause a cave in and bring Cardiff down into a large sinkhole. Now before you get too cozy in here, let's continue the tour." We filed out of the room and made for the next stop on tour de mercenary, the shooting range.

It was like a three lane bowling alley, but with a partition between each lane and a variety of targets down range. We could see a level one akuma, a level three, a few finders all made of cardboard at the end of each alley. No one was using the range at the moment and neither of us had a gun, except Jacob, so we moved back to the entrance area.

"To the north is the command center. You'll want to go there if you need work. I'd take you there now, but grandma wouldn't let us escape for a few hours. Our final stop on the tour is science wing." I looked over to the ladder and saw John was gone. That meant the lab wouldn't be empty. She started to cower behind me as we passed the many warning signs, and when we were with in eye sight of an all to familiar sign, an evil idea came to me. I looked back out the corner of my eye and could see her eyes darting back and forth, reading the sign I did last time I came thru here. That's when I started whistling, followed by a series of sharp clicks.

"I don't want to die!" she screamed. I was on the floor laughing and she had started kicking me when she realized I caused her panic attack. Picking myself up, we continued onward to the laboratory. John was on the third level, eating cereal with his cow. Lyle was on the fourth floor, experimenting with his explosives. Must. Resist. Temptation. To. Surprise. Him.

"Lyle. John. Anything going on?" Lyle whirled around, and strangely, John kept eating while the cow turned to us. John mooed. "Never mind, we have a job for you." We made our way down to Lyle, seeing as John was busy. "We need you to convert her innocence into a form she can actually use in a fight, any ideas?" he knit his brows in concentration.

"Okay, I have two ideas. The first one is a cannon that fires explosives rounds that will freeze time in a small area." Okay, I don't think even Lyle can do that and it would make Miranda too much of a target if she carried that much firepower.

"And the other one" Miranda asked, clearly not liking the idea of turning her clock into a time cannon.

"A record like the ones on music players, it would do what it did in the Rewinding town, and Miranda could control it much easier. She probably couldn't kill anything, but would make her a terrific field medic." The cow mooed his agreement.

"Was the first choice even a real option?" I asked

"Nope."

"Then why did you even say it?"

"It sounded pretty cool." He is hopeless.

"Alright, I think we can all agree on the door number two." Half turning to Miranda "We'll head back to the dorms and pick up your clock, I'll bring it back here and you can get some sleep. It's been a long day for you." With a final wave to Lyle and the cow, we headed back to the dorms. Miranda was quiet as usual, but she seemed a bit tense. When we reached the door, she just stood there.

"Is there a..." before I could finish my sentence, she kissed me. I didn't know what to do and I felt she didn't either, but it felt right. She pulled away and we just stared at each other for a minute.

"Um, goodnight." She almost broke down the door as she ran into her room. I was stunned, the wallflower made the first move, and I didn't mind it. So this is how dad felt when he met mom. I was on cloud nine when I opened the door to my room. That was when thunderstorm Krieg rained on my parade.

"You have a bad face" Krieg stated, not even lifting his head off the bed.

"Why would you say that?" He was irritating me. Leave it to Krieg to ruin a moment.

"I see it in your face. Something horrible is going to happen to happen. Very soon."

**Author's Note : xxxHolic reference! Relationships! Possible Yuri! COWS! I swear I must be insane to right this stuff, but who wants to read the works of a sane man. Anyway, I apologize again for being a little late in updating, but any writer would know it is hard to keep up the starting momentum forever. At the most, I'll update every three days, but until November sixth I'll do my best to put out as many chapters as possible. Once Halo 4 is released I won't be stepping away from my Xbox. On a final note, I'm putting up a poll on what special chapter I should do. I have a few ideas for my own mission, but would like to see which one I should do first. See you later.**

**Also want to thank all my reviewers. They are the Yullen fan WithoutWingsX, the madman FollieOfMadness, and my main critic/editor Alex Penado. Thanks for the reviews and I look forward to surprising you all in future chapters.**

**Next Chapter : I'm going to stop saying what is in the next chapter because I always end up changing It at the last minute. **


	7. I Don't Want to Sparkle!

**Author's Note : Now what shall I do today? Will it rain panda's? Will Allen Break-dance with Tyki Mikk? Will Krieg and Catherine panty raid the Black Order? I don't know, I'm making this up as I go, so screw the English teachers who tell you to make story webs and think out the plot. You can wing it if you BELIEVE! Ok now that is out of the way.**

**Special thanks to Alex Penedo for being a far better editor than me.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man, just the Mercenaries. **

_One Week ago_

"So you think we are going to find a vampire, like in the Bram Stocker novel?" Lyle was skeptical at best. His analytical mind wouldn't let him believe in something like vampires without definitive proof, most likely in the form of a vivisected corpse.

"Yes, that is why I'm sending the three of you." Granny indicated Catherine, Lyle, and Miranda. "I need you to investigate this, and if it is caused by innocence, bring it back. Lyle, keep the kids safe." then she leaned closer to whisper into his ear. "If one of them is bitten, you have my permission to euthanize them. I don't want any sparkly vampires in here."

"You know we can hear you, right?" Catherine said in disbelief. "And where the heck is Henry?" That was a good question. "I haven't seen him or Krieg all day. Do you thing they're up to something?"

"No, I just sent them to deliver some innocence to the Earl, he beat out Komui last auction and I've been too backed up to deliver it myself. Alright, enough dilly dallying, get going before someone else beats you to the innocence!"

_Now, Small Town Outside Krory's Castle, Lyle's Perspective _

"Please tell me we aren't going into the large, creepy castle?" Catherine whined.

"I kind of like it, seems homey to me." Miranda chirped.

I was left carrying our entire luggage off the train, trying not to get involved in their prattling, when I saw a familiar red head.

"Ladies, we seem to have some competition." Getting off the train, a few cars up from us was Lavi and an unfamiliar girl. She had dark green hair, kept in two pigtails, and her uniform had a horribly short skirt. Whoever designed these uniforms has some major issues.

"Lenalee, if you get scared, you can always hold onto me." Lavi told the girl we now know is Lenalee. Said girl then pulled a clipboard from seemingly thin air and bonked Lavi on the head with it.

"We are here on business Lavi and you know what brother Komui would do to you if you tried anything stupid." He visibly shook, muttering something about "Komrin" under his breath.

"All right, let's get going. We can just head right for the castle while they investigate in town. The people in this town freak me out so let's just go around it." I said while eyeing the box lunch vendor located right next to the train platform. Why is there a box lunch vendor outside of Japan? "Something tells me these people are a little crazy." So we walked around the town, completely unaware of the flash mob that soon after captured two unwary exorcists.

_Portugal, Mansion of the Prime Minister, Henry's Perspective_

"You can say what you want about the Earl, but he does have friends in high places." Krieg mused. We had gotten thru the front gate and were heading to the front doors when we heard laughter off to our right. The path that went that way leads to a nice garden if my memory serves me right. Deciding that we would find actual people rather than Akuma a lot quicker this way, we went right. Big mistake. "Well at least we found the Earl." Krieg said.

We just passed thru an arch made of rose bushes that led into the actual garden. To the front and right of me was a wide assortment of flowers and bushes. What got me was the group of people sitting at a table on the patio to my left, enjoying afternoon tea. There were four in total. The one with his back to us was the Earl in his human form. To his left was a man wearing a meticulously clean suit with a top hat and with coal black hair hidden beneath. To the right was a sickly woman I recognized as the prime minister's wife, Trisha. She was a very kind woman, like the grandma I wish I had. The actual problem with the whole situation was that across from the Earl, glaring daggers at me, was Rhode. This might end with another trip to the hospital, possibly in a bag.

"Hello Earl, good to see you." I called out. I don't think Rhode would kill me without the Earl's order or while the prime minister's wife is right next to her, although why Rhode was with her I didn't know. Turning to see who interrupted his afternoon tea, which by the way was now just an island of sugar cubes, the Earl got up and offered me his seat.

"Henry my boy good to see you. I expect you have a package for me?" I pulled out the innocence from one of my coat pockets. It was wrapped in brown paper and tied with some string. As I took the Earl's seat, Krieg jumped onto the table and made his way over to Trisha.

"Isn't he just the cutest thing." She cooed. While Krieg put himself out there, I handed the Earl the package. "Henry, would you and your friend here like to stay for dinner? It must have taken you ages to get here from England and I do enjoy having company over." Trisha asked. I turned to the Earl to get his opinion but he was already gone, probably going to destroy that innocence. Now there was only Trisha to keep me safe. Krieg gave me a pleading look, wanting to stay. He thinks he has a shot with her, but the whole species barrier is hard to overcome. Before I could respond, she started coughing. It started light, but then developed into a full blown fit.

"We should get you inside; you've been pushing yourself too hard lately." The man in the top hat said. He got up and went to her side, helping her to the mansion.

"You're such a sweetheart Tyki." She turned to Rhode." Rhode, be a good girl and entertain the guest." She called out as she went inside.

"Yes, mom." She called back, and then turned to me with a sinister smile. "I will keep the guest vary entertained." Rhode is the daughter of the prime minister. Well only one thing left to say.

"Shit."

_Krory's Castle, Lyles Perspective_

We had arrived at the gates to Krory's castle, when an unwelcome mob arrived, along with two exorcists.

"Does anyone find it strange that we keep running into exorcists lately?" I asked but the silence permeating the clearing was deafening. We were all on edge. Catherine was cracking her knuckles. Miranda had her record ready. The mob was cowering in fear. Lavi was reaching his hammer. Long story short, everyone is waiting for something to happen. Then someone in the mob started shouting.

"Franz! It got Franz." We whirled around only to see the vampire, Arystar Krory. The man, Franz, was dangling limply from his mouth, the sound of the blood being slurped out of him heard by all. The mob panicked and ran for their lives, while the exorcists invoked their innocence.

"Amazing, a real life vampire. He would make an excellent addition to my collection." Adjusting his glasses, I reached behind my back for his most prized weapon, something a got while testing the time machine. An original M79 "Blooper" grenade launcher, with its own custom ammunition I made in the lab. I call her Sheila.

"Assuming there is anything left." I was going to pull the trigger, Lenalee came up from behind and swept my feet from under me.

"You can't just blow him up, you'll kill the man he's drinking!" she fumed.

"He is already dead." I shouted back, all the while Krory was enjoying his meal. Catherine got impatient and charged him. She launched a flurry of wild punches, with Krory dodging each and every one while holding onto his meal.

"NOW I'M PISSED." she shouted, grabbing onto Franz and engaging into a deranged game of tug of war. A snapping noise told us the man's neck had snapped, but they didn't stop fighting over the corpse.

"Should we stop … OH GOD!" Miranda lost her lunch once Franz's head came off. Strange, his spine is black, not the normal bone white.

"You just ruined a perfectly good meal. Now you will take its place!" Krory spit out the severed head and ran at Catherine. She launched an uppercut aimed at his jaw, but he side stepped and came up behind her. He brought his bared fangs down into her neck, eliciting a groan of pain from Catherine and shocked gasps from everyone watching. In a blind rage, she flipped Krory over her shoulder and went into a violent beat down, creating a crater that grew in depth with each punch that missed that it's target.

"JUST DIE." She pulled back for one last punch, and everyone but me looked away. Apparently I was the only with the stomach for Catherine's berserker rage. I watched with open glee as her spiked fist came down, only for it to stop short. Krory was still alive, and caught her spiked knuckle with his teeth. Then he flung her. It was like watching a thrown rag doll, except this one was cursing the entire duration of her flight. Looking back to Krory, I was surprised to see him running away, screaming about how the blood was bitter and he needed a wash basin.

"Would anyone like to explain what just happened?" Lavi asked. I would have responded but Catherine interrupted.

"I JUST GOT BIT!" almost forgot that. "HELP ME, I DON'T WANT TO SPARKLE!"

"Miranda, be a dear and use your Time Record on Catherine here."

"Why?"

"If the stories are true, then Catherine will turn into a vampire. If we allowed her to gain super human strength, eternal youth, and near invulnerability, I'm afraid there wouldn't be a man safe from her wrath or a woman from her lust. If you use your Time Record, we can hopefully prevent any transformation from happening until we deal with Krory." She activated her innocence and the bite wound on Catherine's neck disappeared. "With that problem solved, let's go hunting."

_Portugal, Henry's Perspective_

"I have you right where I want you." Rhode cackled in delight.

"No, I still have a chance." I wouldn't go down without a fight.

"You're the only one left, everyone else is dead." She was hovering over me now.

"Why are you so cruel." She was beating me.

"Because it is fun! Now checkmate bitch." Her rook took my king and like that the game was over.

"I'm impressed Rhode, I never expected you to be such a good chess player." If you thought we were having a climatic fight to the death, you would be wrong. Her mom only went inside; she would still be able to hear the sound of Rhode brutally murdering me.

"It's only naturally a superior being like I would master a game of wits like chess." She was still gloating, dancing around the table. Superior being my ass, she was still a little girl at heart.

"Rhode, mind if Krieg and I stay for dinner? It actually was a long ride here." I did my best Krieg impression, hoping to sway her favor. My stomach growled, emphasizing the point.

"On one condition." She started circling me liking a hungry shark.

"And that would be?" slightly concerned now.

"Can you arrange some kind of meeting between me and Allen?" she seemed almost innocent as she asked this, then it hit me. The ball was in my court now.

"Like a date?" I snickered. She didn't like that.

"What is so funny, don't you have that Miranda girl? Why can't I have Allen?" she pouted.

"First, I don't have anything. Second, don't think of the beansprout as property. Third, I'll gladly help you." Her face set into a slight frown as mine perked up.

"Why are so willing to help? Weren't we trying to kill each other last time we met?"

"Beansprout and I tried to kill each other the first we met, and we are still able to be civil. That being said, I find the beansprout's idealism annoying as hell. Also, after what you did to Kanda, I would love to see what you have planned for Allen. To answer your second question, everyone at some point is trying to kill me; it doesn't mean we have to be enemies forever. I grew up thinking of the Earl as an uncle. He may plot your demise behind your back, but it's always fun when you meet."

She looked at me like I was crazy. A sub-human calling the Earl uncle, it's crazy. However, she liked crazy. She reached out her hand. "I think this can be the beginning of a beautiful business relationship."

Meeting her hand, I began my dance with a devil. "Let's get you a beansprout." Then my stomach growled. She laughed, and together we walked arm in arm to the kitchen. I'm starting to like these Noah.

_Krory's Castle, Lyles Perspective_

"Flowers, I hate flowers." We had entered the castle, expecting to find a vampire, but no. First room we go into has giant man eating plants. I didn't even know they grew this big. They let out some kind of pollen that knocked out Catherine and Lavi, leaving me and Lenalee to defend the group. "Really wish we had Henry right now." I said thru gritted teeth as I fired off an incendiary round. It ignited half a dozen of the man eating plants as Lenalee sent out a large cyclone thru the fire, creating a flaming maelstrom inside the garden, but there were so many plants. "Miranda, wake up the sleeping beauties before we get overwhelmed!" She was shaking each of them, even going as far as slugging Lavi, and then I got an idea. "Look, a hot blonde!" Like a shot of adrenaline, they were both up. I expected them to shout back after they realized there was no blonde, but when I looked back, there really was one. One of my stray shots opened up a hole to an adjacent hallway and standing there was a scantily clad blonde with considerable assets. She is like an eight year old boy who walked into a room full of priests, not knowing what father Lavi or Catherine intended.

"I feel some kind of lusty stare… make those two stares." She looked us over, her eyes narrowing at the crosses on Lenalee's and Lavi's uniform. "What cute kids. How about being my lover?" Lenalee and I sighed, each having to drag our own womanizer out of the obvious trap. Catherine had already thrown off her jacket and was had unbuttoned half her shirt by the time I grabbed her.

"We are going to be eaten by giant plants and you two are busy trying to do eating of your own." Lavi lowered his head in shame, although Catherine needed a few hits from Lenalee to finally put her clothes on. The blonde was irritated by her failed seduction.

"I am Eliade, Master Krory's assistant. Why are you here?" Lavi decided to take this one.

"Vampire extermination." She didn't like that answer and produced a knife from her sleeve. I leveled Sheila at her feet when she cut her palm with the knife.

"What are you doing?" This was unexpected. I don't like the unexpected.

"Feeding the plants." She flicked her wrist, sending droplets of blood towards the plants still in the room. They eagerly drank it, only for pentacles to form along their bodies.

"Bloody hell, run!" This room was becoming one big bomb, and for once I didn't want to be near it. I fired the round I intended for Eliade at the wall closest to us. "Lenalee. Lavi. Take us up." Lavi grabbed Miranda and Catherine, clearly enjoying himself, while I latched onto to Lenalee. We were almost out when the blast went off.

When the smoke cleared we were all alive, surprisingly, although Lavi looked to have taken a hit in the gut and was currently barfing his lunch over the ground. I looked around and saw a small graveyard down below us. Signaling to the others, we made our way down. There were eight graves, one for each of Krory's reported victims, except his first one.

"Lavi, can you dig one of these graves up? I have a theory that Krory might be something different than what we thought."

"Why do I have to dig it up?" I pointed to Catherine. "I'll get right on it sir." Ah, death threats make such productive workers. We waited for him to finish digging, and when he unearthed and opened the casket, we all gasped. Inside was the skeleton on an Akuma, bits of flesh still clinging to it.

"Now it all makes sense." They looked at me like I grew a third head. "Krory hasn't been killing people, he is hunting Akuma and probably doesn't know it. Since he is drinking their blood and not getting poisoned, it means that he must have parasitic innocence." As I finished stating my hypothesis, I noticed everyone wasn't looking at me, but behind me. "He is right behind me, isn't he?" I ducked behind a punch that would have knocked my block off.

"You're fast boy. You'll make good prey." I lashed out with my right leg, forcing him back and then readied Sheila.

"Would someone like to help?" Lavi jumped in, hammer already swinging for Krory. He jumped forward and slid under the handle, getting into Lavi's personal space. Too close for me to take the shot, so time to do something stupid. "Oi, fang boy!" He turned towards me, pissed off. I put Sheila back in her holster on my back. "We don't need to fight, you aren't an actual vampire. I assume its innocence in your teeth and that makes you an accommodator."

"Why should I care? I just want to experience the thrill of the hunt, that's exactly what I'm going to do right now!" A brutal uppercut was my reward for being diplomatic, sending me back into Krory's castle. I was dazed, pissed, and didn't feel like fighting, so I just continued along the hallway I was knocked into. There were three others outside who could handle one confused accommodator. I was using the wall to support myself when I fell thru a secret passage. Looking up I saw the shadow of some horrible creature, pulsating and writhing just around the corner. When I came to the corner of the bookshelf obstructing my view, I found nothing. Then I smelled something familiar. Blood, and it was coming from directly behind me.

"If I don't move, will you not hit me?"

"No." Then I was slammed into the bookshelf, pinned by a mass coming from Eliade's arm. "Why couldn't you exorcists just leave us alone!" she wailed. Even my cold, frozen heart wept for this tragic duo. The mass holding me up was starting to constrict me more and more, soon I won't be able to breath.

"Look, can you just put me down and talk about this. Only two of us are exorcists. I don't care what an Akuma and accommodator do as long as I'm not involved."

She glared at me. "How do you know I'm an akuma?"

"Your blood killed all those man eating plants before, and your hatred of exorcists made deducing your identity elementary." She looked me in the eyes, distrust evident, but seeing that she was outnumbered two to one even if she killed me, she let me down. "Thank you, now let's go get your boyfriend before someone gets killed." The castle shook while I said this, indicating someone was forcibly knocked into the building once again. Eliade cried out for Krory and went into her Akuma form, knocking down everything in her path to get to what we assume was Krory. Reaching out, I grabbed her tail and was dragged along for the ride. We came to large ballroom, an injured Krory upon the floor with Lavi and Lenalee standing over him.

"Do you think we went overboard on him, Lavi? I swore I heard bones break when we both hit him." Lenalee said.

"He'll be fine once the head nurse gets to him, then in unimaginable pain once Komui gets him, but he will live." Lavi told her. Then Eliade burst into the room and came to halt, the momentum flinging me forward right into Lavi. "What the hell was that for?"

"Sorry, but Eliade was in a hurry and I decided to tag along." I said while observing the Akuma.

"You mean the hot blonde," Catherine appeared from nowhere when he said that, carrying a tired Miranda." who tried to kill us is that Akuma? Why does that always happen to me?" He shrugged before pulling out his holstered hammer, ready to kill her when I intervened.

"Lavi, there is no need to kill Ms. Eliade. All she wants to do is to live in peace with Krory over there. Come on, this is a historical moment! This is the first ever relationship between an Akuma and human. How could you destroy that?" Now it was Lenalee who took offense to this.

"She is a monster who kills humans; we can't let her leave her here. We can't trust her to not kill people, it's in her nature. Even if we didn't report this, the Earl would know she wasn't following orders anymore and just destroy her. We are just saving her soul."

"Man, the church is always so focused on the afterlife they never enjoy life itself. If you give me ten minutes, I can solve all problems with the Earl, you can let her and Krory go, and I can blow up the castle to cover their tracks." Krory didn't seem to like the last part but was too injured to make a fuss. I reached into my pant pocket and pulled out a phone matching the one inside Krieg.

"What is that?" everyone asked. Shit, how do I explain it?

"It's a golem I've been working on, now give me some space, and Miranda, you don't need to use your innocence anymore, Catherine isn't turning into a vampire." Turning away from the motley crew of exorcists, mercenaries, and an Akuma, I addressed my "Golem".

"Siri call Krieg." It rang for a minute before I heard a voice. "Hello, Is this Henry?"

"No, I'm Trisha. How are you talking from inside this little fox?" Great, just what I expected from Krieg.

"I'm in a hurry Ms. Trisha so could you please hand the fox to Henry?" As I waited for what felt like hours, I could tell the crowd behind me was edging closer.

"Hello, this is Henry. Is that you Lyle?"

"YES, WHO ELSE CAN CALL KRIEG!" I'm losing my temper and might end up killing some one if things don't improve. "Never mind, it's time to pay me back for saving you in the hospital. I need you to use that innocence from Matter and buy an Akuma named Eliade. She's blonde, good fashion sense, and has a nice rack." That last part was Catherine piping in. "I'm trying to save lives here so just find the Earl or someone with the kind of pull who can give us an Akuma." I could hear stunned silence from his end.

"Okay."

"Okay? That easy?"

"Yeah, I'm eating dinner with a Noah right now. Say hi Rhode." I could hear a little girl on the other end, but I was still reeling from the first thing he said.

"You are eating dinner, with someone who recently stabbed you and tried to kill Miranda, and who wants to kill all of humanity. Are you insane?"

"Yes." he said flatly.

"Okay then, moving on. Can you ask Rhode for the Akuma?"

"She says you can have her, and that she won't trigger her self-destruct."

"Doesn't this seem too easy to you?"

"No, it's an act of good faith in our business relationship. Now if you'll excuse me the dessert just came out." The line went dead. Turning back to the crowd of gathered eavesdroppers.

"Okay, Eliade can't be destroyed by the Earl so she is free to do what she wants." She was holding up an injured Krory, now back in her human form. "You two, try and keep your killings to a bare minimum. If become a hindrance to the Earl or get found by the Order, it's game over." Gesturing to the exorcists. "And are you going to look the other way?" Lavi and Lenalee both seemed like they wanted to fight, every fiber of their being crying out to end the Akuma. "Miranda heals please, but none for the exorcists." she was uncertain at first but did it nonetheless. Krory, Catherine, and I felt instantly rejuvenated, although Eliade seemed a little pained. "Now you can stay and fight against a fully healed enemy while you exhausted yourself fighting earlier, or run home with your tails between your legs and tell your supervisor that on this night, Arystar Krory the third died here, along with his lover, Eliade." Lenalee still seemed ready to fight, but Lavi stopped her. He just shook his head and with one final glare at everyone there, left. "Now there is only one more thing to do."

_One Hour Later_

"Are you sure you have to do this?" Krory asked. His wounds had returned as Miranda passed out from exhaustion a few minutes after Lavi left. Catherine still carried her and was probably getting some funny ideas by now.

"Yes, this is the most important part of my plan. If we don't do this, then everything else was for nothing."

"How so?" Eliade asked.

"I wouldn't have had any fun." I pushed the button on the detonator, creating a new star in the night sky. It was a beautiful bonfire, and if you listened closely, you could hear the sound of the Krory's plants dying. "Well I think our work here is done. Mercenaries, let's go home." We were walking away now, Eliade and Krory staying behind.

"Do you think they have a chance?" Catherine asked.

"The odds of a monster finding love and not destroying it are awfully slim; around sixteen percent, but percentages aren't everything. Henry appears to be beating the odds quite well."

**Author's notes : So ends the story the story of Krory and Eliade, now they live happily ever after. He will not be coming back, I have written him out. I was caught between giving him a happy ending, or killing him, but I'm in a good mood i made fun of Twilight twice so i've met quata for the day. Now for Henry. He is working with Rhode in order to torture the beansprout. What horrible torture could I put him thru? I don't know at the moment. Anyway, make sure to check the new side mission poll to determine what either chapter 9 or 11 will be. On a final note, Review! That is all. Now returning to your normally scheduled programming.**


	8. Rhode's Date Night, Allen's Hell

**Author's Note : Now for another side story chapter, and I think you know what is going to happen this time around. Mwahahaha! I woke up in the morning feeling on top of the world because I can torment Allen today. Sorry to say it is a short chapter.**

**Credit goes to Alex Penedo for awesome editing and WithoutWingsX for the giving the idea for chapter 10.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man, just the Mercenaries. **

"What was the plan again?" Rhode asked.

"Seriously? I'm not going to explain it again. Just wait for the beansprout to get here." We had come to France and spread the rumor that Allen's deranged Master Cross was at a local wine tasting in the Pédebernade vineyard. This of course is a lie and is the honey on our Allen trap. The hill we were on overlooked the vineyard and gave a perfect view of the road leading into it. "Look who just showed up."

Slowly making his way up the road was our favorite beansprout, being dragged by a golden golem.

"He must really hate his master if he has to be dragged here. He might even be happy to see us." I chuckled. "Stay out sight until dinner, and wear something girly."

"What the hell do you mean girly? Aren't I girly enough for you?"

"You are trying to go on a date with him, not stab him in the eye. Weare a dress or something." She shrugged as I got up and walked over to Allen. He was now standing at the gate to the vineyard, wondering where all the wine tasters were, when he saw me. "Hey Allen." I called out. He immediately turned around and started walking back. "Wait!" he was running now, and I haven't even called in Rhode. This devolved from a friendly greeting into a full blown chase thru the country side of France.

"Stop chasing me you maniac!" Allen shouted. After several miles of running, I caught up to the beansprout and tackled him to the ground. He squirmed for a few minutes, but once I pulled out Jacob he stopped moving.

"Look, all I want to do is talk to you; probably over dinner since you parasitic innocence users eat a lot." He liked the idea of dinner, his golem and stomach both growling in anticipation.

"I don't know if I can trust you. You did just pull a knife on me." Time for the magic words that would seal the deal.

"I'll pay for it." Hook, line, and sinker. I had him in my clutches.

"So where are we dining at?" he asked.

"Where does anyone go in France? Tonight, we dine in Paris!"**  
**

_**Nine Hours Later**_

After a grueling walk thru un-even roads and a bustling city, we arrived at the restaurant Rhode picked. The Bofinger was known for Belle-Époque décor and a magnificent stained glass ceiling, along with its food. The reason I had Rhode pick the restaurant was because Akuma tend to be excellent chefs (ex. Gordan Ramsey), and work in most of the kitchens around the world. We had to find one without any Akuma or else the beansprout would start a fight and ruin the evening. We had taken a seat in the far back, and Allen proceeded to order everything on the menu. I just ordered the rack of lamb and duck foie gras for Rhode.

"Why are you getting two meals?" Allen asked.

"I'm hungry; it was a long walk here." He bought that, but once the food comes and I don't start eating Rhode's dinner, he might get suspicious. "So now that you are here, I have a few questions for you."

"Okay, shoot."

"Are you single?" It doesn't matter either way, but I would like to know if I'm a home wrecker.

"Yes, I'm fifteen and in the middle of a holy war. How on earth would I get the time to find a girl? All we have at headquarters is Lenalee and Komui would murder me if I did anything." Felt slightly better about myself.

"Okay, how well do you handle sudden surprises?" Our food arrived and he somehow managed to demolish his meal while talking.

"Don't like surprises, once almost killed Lavi because I woke up and he was hovering over my bed." I can relate.

"One last question. What would you do if I had arranged everything today in order to get you on a date with a business partner of mine?" He stopped shoveling his food and glared at me.

"That all depends on who the person is." He had put down his fork and removed the glove on his innocence hand. Luckily before he could do anything more, a certain Noah plopped down onto the seat next to him.

"That would be me." Rhode said. I whistled. If she didn't have the body of a thirteen year old, and it wasn't considered statutory rape, I wouldn't be sitting here calmly eating my ribs. While she didn't change her hair, she swapped out her normal clothes with a tight red dress. Who makes clothes like these for girls these young?

_Black Order Headquarters, Science Division_

Johnny Gil sneezed. "Is someone talking about me?"

"Get back to work slaves!" cackled Komui.

_Paris, France_

Allen's hand reflexively went to his recently healed eye. "YOU!" She put a finger to his lips.

"Shush. You don't want to disturb the other diners." There weren't any, but the point still stood. Allen's one uncovered eye turned to me.

"Why Is the Noah here?" he hissed.

"My name is Rhode." She huffed, but settled down and started eating her duck.

"Look Allen, the lady here has developed an infatuation with you after your first encounter. What I initially took for pure sadism was her attempting to express her feelings. You should be glad she didn't put that candle thru your heart instead of your eye." He gulped.

"I would never kill my Allen-kun." She latched onto said beansprout and I could feel the pointy end of one of her candles against the back of my neck. She does not take criticism very well. "Allen, just relax and enjoy the dinner. That is all I ask." She gave him her best puppy dog eyes, but they only seemed to perturb him more.

"Rhode, while I'm flattered you would go thru all this to see me, I don't think this is even possible. The fact is we should be killing each other, not talking over dinner." He was getting up and looked ready to leave.

"Allen, there is only one way you leave before we finish our meal, and it is not going to end well for you." I said while pulling out a burlap sack from my coat. "Although Rhode might get her own happy ending." I said the last part under my breath.

"How will you stop me when I have this?" He pulled Jacob out of his own coat. Curse his dark side and amazing street smarts.

"So there is no chance you will stay? We still haven't had dessert." He was out of his seat and standing next to me, thinking I'm not a threat without my innocence. Rhode was also standing and was across from him.

"I've lost my appetite." He said in a manner that would have been cool if the line wasn't so stupid.

"Please Allen-kun." Rhode pleaded, although we both had matching Cheshire grins at the next part of the plan to be initiated. We knew the chances of Allen staying were slim, so we planned for all of this. Even him pickpocketing me was expected.

"No, I think we are done here." He started to back away slowly, eyes focused on Rhode. That is when I striked. Grabbing a rib I from my plate, I hit Allen over the back of the head. The rib broke in two so I grabbed another and hit him again. I repeated this process until half my rack of lamb was destroyed and Allen was on the ground. I would have continued but Rhode hit me with the other half.

"Stop it. Don't you see he's already unconscious? Just put him in the bag and help me carry him." I then stuffed the beansprout into the burlap sack as Rhode opened her door.

"So what are you going to do to him?"

"Oh, I think I'll start by *CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED* then remove the hand cuffs and *CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED* then take a shower, go to bed, and repeat it all in the morning." She said. My jaw didn't get off the floor for a good twenty minutes. A waiter eventually came to check on us and was shocked to see the sorry state of things back here.

"Bill this to the Black Order please." I told him while dragging the beansprout thru Rhode's door.

_Twenty Years Later_

"And that is how I introduced your parents!" I told the three stunned girls sitting on the floor around me. They had their dad's hair color, but their mom's style and tastes.

"But Uncle Henry, how did daddy get away? He couldn't of stayed with mom doing *CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED* and fight for the Black Order." Elena said. She was the youngest, with Debra being the second born, and Robin being the first.

"Good question my dear. Two weeks later, your Uncle Tyki was going thru Rhode's room, when he found Allen. At first he debated whether to kill or leave him. Then Allen saw his deck of cards. He challenged Tyki to a game of poker for his freedom. Tyki's ego couldn't let him turn away from the challenge, and a clash of titans ensued. In the end, Tyki was defeated and freed Allen, giving him his deck of cards as a memento. Allen went back to the Order and never spoke about what happened, but after the Order threw him out, he went to back to a waiting Rhode. Years go by and we end up here."

"So was that true love or Stockholm syndrome?" Robin asked. I looked over at the hand cuffs from twenty years ago that Rhode had mounted onto the wall.

"Both."

**Author's Note : I just typed that. It is strange, horribly twisted, and probably ill-conceived, but I did it. I've begun to doubt my work so I can't ascertain how funny it Is or whether it went too far. Too late now I suppose. I will give it my all next chapter so sit tight and I'll update usual time. **

**Fun Fact : Robin was the original name of Allen, back when he was supposed to be a girl. **


	9. Let's Have a Picnic

Author's Note : Serious chapter time. Now that my need for a crack chapter is sated, we can get on with the story for a while. Can't think of anything more to say besides get ready for a fight scene.

Thanks once again to Alex Penedo for editing.

Disclaimer : I don't own anything but my mercenaries, but I will someday. I will have the world!

"You did what?!" Granny shouted. She was angered by our recent performances. First, we gave up the innocence in Matter to buy an Akuma we couldn't even keep. Second, we kept the innocence in the Rewinding town for Miranda. Third, we let Krory go and spent obscene amounts of moneyon the explosives Lyle used to blow up Krory's castle. All in all, we are hemorrhaging money and have acted way too nice.

"Yeah guys. You screwed up big time." I said.

"Junior, what were you doing while they had their mission? A delivery run shouldn't have taken that long." Granny called me out.

"I was helping a young girl overcome barriers that kept her away from the boy she loved." Barriers like the boy's free will, the law, or morality.

"That's the problem. We have been too nice lately. We used to kill exorcists and take their innocence. Now we work with them, hand in hand." She was glaring at Lyle's group." And you Henry have been spending too much time with the Earl. I know you hate the Order, but the Earl is trying to destroy humanity. Don't you see a problem with that?" Now everyone was staring at me.

"No, we've been trying to do it since the dawn of man. The Millennium Earl is just doing what he can to speed up the process," I said flatly.

"Alright, let's just calm down. Maybe we need to take a break from all this innocence hunting. Have a family outing." Miranda, not knowing what a family outing with grandma was like, had instantly perked up. Everyone else was horrified. The last family outing was when grandma enlisted us in the Russo-Turkish war. War is hell, especially when you are besieged by angry Russians.

"Granny, I don't think we are so low on cash that we need a family outing." I pleaded.

"Oh no, we aren't having the normal family outing that you are thinking about." Everyone let out a sigh of relief. "We are having a picnic."

"What?!" everyone screamed in disbelief, except Miranda who was cringing in pain from their combined voices. Eventually Lyle recovered.

"So where are we going to? Is it someplace warm?" he asked.

"I have heard about this little town in China with a gorgeous lake right next to it. I think we could all use a break, so why not go to the other side of the world, away from the Order, and have a picnic?"

"So this isn't you trying to sell us to some warlord?" Catherine asked.

"No dearie. Now everyone get packed, we are going to China!"

_Black Order HQ_

"Allen. Lavi. Lenalee. Bookman. I'm sending you all to China." Komui said.

"Why China? Do you think General Cross is there?" Lenalee said.

"Yes. I have been examining Timcampy." The Golem in question was perched on the beansprout's head. "And have discovered that he has a tracking function. He knows where his maker is at all times. Since he points to the east, we will send you as far east as we can, thus China."

"Makes sense." Lavi said. He looked over to Allen. He was still depressed since he came from that false lead in France. Allen won't talk about it; he just stares at his feet until you change the subject. "You excited to see your old master, beansprout?" Lavi jested, but Allen just curled up in the corner of Komui's office.

"Lavi, leave Allen alone!" Lenalee reprimanded, already at Allen's side.

"Guys, I think it is best you get going before Allen is too catatonic to move." Komui told them.

_China, weeks later_

"WATER!" Krieg moaned. His thick coat made the trip unbearable for him.

"SHUT UP." Catherine shouted back. She was also handling this heat poorly. Granny seemed fine, even though she was carrying all her gear and her sniper slung over her back thru out the entire trip. Lyle refused to take off his sweater even though he was sweating like a pig. Miranda was slung over my back, passed out from the heat. I guess wearing all black would give anyone heat stroke under these conditions.

"Maybe Russia would have been better." I said.

"No junior, we are going to have a nice picnic by the lake." Granny called back from her spot at the head of the group.

"We didn't even bring food! Not even Catherine's crappy potato salad!" Krieg whined. Catherine grabbed him from his spot on my shoulder and used him as a sweat rag. I would have tried to stop her but he was weighing me down before.

"Stop complaining, the town is in sight now." We started running. Towns meant people. People meant water. We forgot that people meant more than just water. They also mean trouble.

_Other Side of Town_

"I see it. I see the town!" Lavi shouted. The exorcists were as ill-prepared for the journey as the mercenaries and thus were just as excited to see a town.

"That's odd," Bookman noted. Looking to his left, he saw a canal dug out next to the rode. What was odd was that only a tiny trickle of water flowed thru a canal that was designed for something far bigger. "There may be more to this town than meets the eye."

_Back to the Mercenaries_

"Where is everyone?" I said. The place was like a ghost town. Not a single soul roamed the streets, giving the town an eerie feel.

"We aren't here for the town, kids; we came here for the lake. You can get your water there." Granny told us. She led us thru many side streets, just barely missing the exorcists who had arrived when we did. We all walked in silent anticipation of the lake we came here to see. We came over the crest of the hill we were climbing, only to be disappointed.

"NO!" Catherine, Lyle, a now awake Miranda, Krieg, and I fell to our respective knees. It was a pitiful lake, with logs poking out from the bottom. The water level itself was apparently far lower than normal. Catherine ran over to granny and began shaking her.

"YOU'VE DAMNED US ALL." She cried. We let this go on for a minute, afraid she would lash out at one of us, before eventually Miranda tried to pull her off.

"At least we found water. We aren't going to die here. Let's just have the picnic and enjoy the scenery." Catherine, normally forgiving of Miranda, grabbed the brunette and threw her into the lake.

"You can enjoy the scenery all you want; I'm taking a drink and going home." She approached the lake's edge and was reaching down to scoop up some water, when we heard a rustling come from behind us.

"Get away from our water!" the angry townsfolk yelled.

"I guess it makes sense that the townsfolk would guard there only source of water." Lyle pointed out as the angry mob armed with sticks approached us. Catherine was too focused on the water to notice the man coming behind her. "Cathe…" Lyle couldn't finish calling her as the man shattered his stick on Catherine's head. She stood up, blood flowing from the wound on her head.

"Get back! Run you idiots or you're going to die!" I shouted to the advancing mob as I pulled Miranda out of the lake. We started backing away. "Go very slowly, no sudden movements or she might target us." I whispered to Miranda, who was unaware of what would soon happen.

"We aren't running from a bunch of thieves." Another guy called out from the mob. They had begun to surround the now shaking Catherine, thinking to overwhelm her. She reached down and took the spiked knuckles off her hands.

"Why did she take those off? Doesn't she need them to fight?" Miranda asked.

"No dearie. Those knuckles are her mercy. By taking them off, she is saying she won't make this quick," Granny told her.

"You know it's very dangerous to hit someone in the head," Catherine said with no emotional inflection what so ever, her voice barely a whisper. Her hair was now hiding most of her face, except for one wild looking eye. "You might have killed me, but that's okay." She grabbed the man who initially hit her and lifted him by his neck, one handed. "Because I will certainly kill you." She snapped his neck like a twig before throwing him into the enraged crowd before her. Most were rooted to the ground in terror but five of them charged her. The closest two swung their sticks in a downward arc, each colliding with her head, but didn't move the stubborn Catherine. Miranda gasped, thinking she was seriously hurt.

"I can't just sit here and let her get hurt." she said. She got up from our hiding place in the bushes and almost activated her Time Record, but Catherine was on her in the blink of an eye.

"STAY. OUT. OF. THIS." She told her before delivering a punishing back hand to an off guard Miranda. She turned her attention back to the mob. The two who hit her were now charging to try and attack again. They brought their sticks down only for Catherine to grab them mid swing. She pushed back, aiming the sticks for their owners. One lost his grip and had the stick rammed thru his heart, right thru he ribcage. With her free hand, she upper cut the still struggling man, shattering his jaw and stunning him long enough for her to skewer him with his own weapon. The remaining three who were stupid enough to take her on were reduced to one in a matter of seconds. The last one standing was a scrawny man wearing ill-fitting glasses. He was weaponless, and his hands shook with fear. He was backing away from the monster in front of him when he tripped. She walked up to him like she had all the time in the world, and stopped right next to his head.

"Please don't hurt me. I have a wife and kids. I'm two days from retirement. I'm too handsome to die!" The man begged for his life, but his pleas fell on deaf ears. She raised her foot over his head, but before she could curb stomp the miserable wretch, a giant hammer hit her in the side and sent her back a few feet.

"Get away from him!" Lavi demanded. Great, we were having a nice family picnic to the other side of the world to avoid the Black Order and here they are.

Lavi and Bookman had come to investigate the disappearing water, but were drawn to a distinctive noise they knew all too well. Slaughter; the sound of it once heard could never be forgotten. What they found made Lavi lose his recently eaten lunch. By the lake, Catherine stood drenched in the blood of dead townsfolk. She had killed four men and was moving onto the fifth when he intervened.

"What has gotten into you? I know you have anger problems, but this is unforgivable." He said. She had recovered from the blow and lashed out at Lavi. He tried to use his hammer to keep her at bay, but he was losing ground. Catherine lunged for the handle of hammer and they both grappled for control. Lavi was shocked to see smoke rise from where she held his innocence. The hammer was trying to reject her, but her own burning flesh didn't faze her. He would have been done for had Bookman not stepped in. He came up behind her and struck out at a series of pressure points, toppling the raging beast. He pulled out a needle as though to finish the job when a shot rang out.

"That was a warning shot old man. If you lay another finger on her the next one goes right between the eyes." Granny said, rifle leveled at Bookman.

"Stop! Let's just all calm down and talk about this" Lavi asked.

"Granny, put down the rifle. We don't want to start another fight if we don't need to." I tried to be the voice of reason. She reluctantly lowered the rifle as Bookman pulled his needle back into his sleeve. "Okay, now what are you exorcists doing here? Is this retribution for the beansprout?"

"What? Do you know the reason Allen is like this?" Oh god Allen escaped from Rhode.

"No." I couldn't think of anything! "Um…we are getting off track. Just tell us why you are here." Lavi looked ready to call me out when Bookman stepped forward.

"We are investigating the disappearance of this town's water. I suppose you are too."

"No. We were having a family outing to what used to be a beautiful lake, but it is now in this sorry state. Catherine was thirsty after the long journey here and went to drink from the lake. The townsfolk came out and attacked her, so she retaliated, and here we are." I said.

"So you aren't here for the innocence?"

"We didn't even know there was any," Lyle told him while I went to check on Miranda. She was unconscious once again, but this time had a massive welt from where Catherine struck her. Speaking of Catherine, she was still on the ground. Her hair was stained red from the blows to her head. Krieg was with her, licking the wounds. Whatever omnipotent being you believe in decided that now was a good time to screw with us because right then Akuma came out of nowhere and attacked.

"Die exorcists!" screamed a large level two. He seemed like some kind of metallic giant and spat fire at Lavi and Bookman. Dozens of level ones came with it.

"Lyle, get Miranda and Catherine out of here." He nodded his understanding as I turned to granny. "Granny, the firing lanes are open. Do your thing."

"With pleasure junior." She had already sighted her first target and pulled the trigger. The bullet she fired was about as long as my index finger and went straight down the barrel of one of its cannons. The round then detonated inside the Akuma to devastating effect. I couldn't gawk anymore as I had my own job to do.

"Innocence activate!" With twin blades already full on the blood of Catherine's victims, I opened fire on the level two. It was focused on Lavi and didn't see shots until they already hit. Unfortunately they had little effect beyond staggering the akuma. I ran for it as it began to recover and jumped onto its leg. I started climbing as it did what it could to shake me off, but to no avail. I was half-way up its chest when I saw its fist come hurtling towards me. "Shit!" I braced for the blow but nothing came. When I opened my eyes, I saw Lavi's hammer holding it back.

"Keep moving. Aim for the eyes!" He called out through gritted teeth, exertion taking its toll on him. Using every ounce of strength I had, I brought one sword thru the Akuma's chest. It laughed thinking that was the best I could do. I pulled myself up by the handle and used it as a springboard up to the Akuma's face. I thrust my remaining sword into its right eye and pulled the trigger until it ran out of blood bullets. Planting my feet on its face, I pushed off as a dozen explosions ripped the Akuma apart. I was over the lake now so I went into a dive rather than a roll and plummeted thru the surprisingly deep lake. A glimmer at the bottom caught my eye. I swam towards it, thinking it to be my missing sword, but it was something else.

At the lake's bottom was a whirlpool with innocence at its center. I could feel the current pulling me in so I swam for the surface. At least I solved the mystery of the missing water. When I surfaced, I found all of the Akuma gone. After the level two was destroyed Lavi had called some fire serpent that destroyed a large number of the Akuma. I saw granny was ecstatic at finally getting some field work, but I myself could go for a nap. Then I heard an unfamiliar girl screaming and looked up. A dragon like level two was flying over the lake with a girl held in his hand. The Akuma then dropped the little girl into the whirlpool that now breached the surface. From that height even the water below wouldn't save her. I turned away, knowing there was nothing I could do, when a strong gust of wind rushed past me. I turned back around and saw the Akuma being destroyed by a girl with black boots and an exorcist uniform. She then dove down and caught the falling girl. We all had a nice view up her skirt, so at least the day wasn't a complete waste.

"Nice catch Lenalee." Lavi said. So that was the Lenalee Allen was talking about. That train of thought ended as soon as it began because the innocence in the lake was rising past the surface. It was surrounded by a sphere of water and continued to drain water from the lake. Lenalee and the girl appeared to be talking but from this distance I couldn't hear a thing. Everyone else with the exception of Miranda, Catherine, and Lyle had gathered on the lakes edge to watch what Lenalee planned to do. She rocketed up at a blinding speed then dive bombed the sphere of water. She pierced the sphere and reached the center, where the little girl reached out and grabbed the innocence.

"I'm guessing she is that innocence's accommodator," I said.

"Most likely." Bookman replied. The great sphere of water then collapsed, filling the lake and creating a rapidly approaching wave. We stared in abject horror as the wave swept over us. As I was being swept along, I felt fabric run thru my fingers and grabbed hold of it. When the water had receded and the wave had passed, I realized I was holding onto a soggy Bookman. Up above the lake floated Lenalee and the girl now holding a crystal ball. They didn't even bother to warn us about the wave.

"Is everybody okay?" I asked. Bookman didn't bother responding. I heard granny call out, followed by Lavi and Lyle in the distance. Lenalee decided to land near us.

"Bookman, who are these people? Are they also from the town?" She asked.

"No, Ms. Lee. They are mercenaries who came here for a family gathering of sorts and just happened to choose a spot where innocence was hiding," he said.

She looked me and granny over before responding. "Doesn't that seem convenient? They are fully armed and all. Wouldn't put it past them." I took offense to this.

"We didn't know there was any innocence. Tell them, granny." I looked to her, but she wouldn't meet my eyes. "Grandma, please tell me you didn't know." Now she was looking at her feet.

"Well I had a suspicion things around here weren't natural, and since you guys don't let me go out anymore…"

"That is because you could throw out your hip at a moment's notice!" I told her.

"Shut it Junior." The exorcists were getting impatient.

"So you guys did come here to take the innocence?" Lenalee had to clarify.

"After all the work we went thru, I think we'll take the innocence. You can keep the girl though; we don't like to put little kids in the middle of warzones. Unlike some people, we have morals. Loose morals that are more flexible than an Olympic gymnast, but they are there." Granny loaded a fresh clip into her rifle and the just now arriving Lyle pulled out Sheila. "Jacob!" I called out and my missing sword flew out of the lake and to my waiting hand. The exorcists had activated their own weapons when some unexpected visitors arrived. Two very pissed off people. The first was a groggy Catherine, but it was the second that got me. Allen was walking towards me, and I don't think he has forgiven me for the Rhode incident.

"HENRY!"

Author's Note : My first cliffhanger! Yay. So Catherine had a meltdown and killed a few guys. Now we will have an epic fight scene between exorcists and mercenaries. My original plan was to do the first Lulubell episode for this chapter, but decided we need a fight scene, rather than Catherine chasing Lulubell and Krieg chasing her cat form. Still might do it, but after the whole Ark story arc. Slowing down updates to allow for Halo 4 time and normal school work. Junior year is a pain.


	10. Allen Gets Angry

**Author's Note : EPIC FIGHT SCENE IN HISTORY! Exorcists fight Mercenaries in a no holds barred fight for the innocence!**

**Thanks once again to the Beta Alex Penedo**

**Disclaimer : I don't own D. Gray-Man, just the Mercenaries.**

"HENRY!" Allen roared. He was beyond pissed and already had his claw arm activated."You are dead." His voice deadpan.

"Wow, Allen. I know we are fighting and all, but that seems extreme," Lavi said. Allen stared down his taller friend. "Never mind." Allen took his place at the head of the group, Lavi to his right, Lenalee and bookman to the left. Meanwhile Catherine had stumbled to the right of me, with Lyle and granny to my left.

"Are we fighting?" She grumbled while putting her spiked knuckles back on.

"Yes, now shut up and fight." I told her, the tension getting to me. Lenalee turned away from us to address the cowering Chinese girl.

"Mei Ling, go find a place to hide. This shouldn't take too long." Lenalee gave the girl a reassuring smile before turning to Lyle, a silent challenge exchanged between them.

"Your old man looks ready to pass out. Maybe you should take a nap and leave the fighting to the young folk." Granny told a now angered Bookman. Everyone had picked their opponent. Now all we could was wait for the first strike. I didn't feel like waiting.

I ran for Allen, swords gleaming in the moonlight. I launched a flurry of slashes, only for him to block them with his oversized claw. He retaliated with a backhand swipe that caught me off guard. I was knocked onto the ground, and Allen was on me before I could react. He grabbed me and preceded to slam me repeatedly into the ground.

"Shit!" I heard the sound of my arm breaking along with a rib or two and knew this fight would be over soon if I didn't get loose.

"Oi, beansprout." Allen stopped mid-slam to look at a bruised Lyle aiming Sheila right him. "Get off my friend." He pulled the trigger and the round sailed towards a wide eyed Allen. He jumped back to avoid the explosive, leaving me on the ground. We turned to see the round go off, but it never did.

"It's a dummy round for idiots like you." Lyle took a moment to enjoy his bad joke before getting nailed in the back by Lenalee. He was sent skidding across the ground, and I could see from here his glasses were broken. I shakily got to my feet. My left arm hung limp at my side, bones shattered.

"Lyle, you still alive?" I called out. He gave me a thumbs up before rolling over and resuming his fight with Lenalee. "Okay then." Turning back to Allen, I readied my useable saber. "Allen, let's continue this."

He went on the offensive, attempting to overwhelm a wounded opponent. He rained down blow after blow and I just barely managed to parry, but I was getting worn down. I'm down an arm, out of blood to use from when I took out the level two, and everyone else is busy. Looked like Lavi was getting his ass handed to him, granny and Bookman were equally matched, but Lyle wasn't equipped for a fast flyer like Lenalee. Allen and I are the tie breaker.

Allen ceased his assault and jumped back, switching his claw arm for the cannon one. I thought if I could get close I might have a chance. I rolled right as he blasted the ground I was standing on moments ago and ran for Allen. He kept firing and before I could get within spitting distance of him, several rounds connected. It threw off my momentum and I rolled to the ground, a couple new holes in my chest gushing blood.

"Allen, I only have one thing left to say to you." I said, once again getting off the ground.

"What?"

"Innocence level two release!" The sword still clutched in my limp left arm met with its twin in my right and fused at the hilt, which straightened out. The blades themselves were dyed red from the blood leaving from my wounds and into the barrels that were now located on the top of one blade and the bottom of the other. With the transformation complete I burst forward, not even taking the time for a petty taunt or death threat, and brought down the blade on Allen's raised claw. It smashed his arm out of the way and I followed it up with the flat of the blade to his face. A thin trail of blood started to flow out of his now broken nose but was soon absorbed by my sword, making it grow in size.

Allen was being beaten back and he knew it. He let out a wild haymaker only to have his claw swatted away like a fly that was buzzing around a lion. He switched to his cannon arm and turned it into a saber, hoping to match swords.

Both blades met in a clash of sparks. I put everything I had into it, but this weapon was meant to be used with two hands. Allen was struggling, but was beginning to compose himself. My top blade was now hovering a few inches over my head when I saw something. The bottom blade was pointed at the ground beneath Allen.

"Allen, lasts chance to stop this."

"Not a chance."

"Have it your way." I swung my useless arm to the trigger for the bottom blade and yanked. Three sounds were heard after that. First, my finger bending farther than what I thought humanly possible. Second, the bullet planting right between Allen's feet. Third, Allen's cry of surprise as the bullet exploded outward.

Allen was knocked up into the air and I aimed one last shot at my helpless enemy.

"Good-bye, Allen Walker. It's been fun." I had my finger on the trigger until I noticed the fighting around me had stopped.

"It's over, Henry." Lenalee said. She was standing on Lyle who was face first in the dirt.

"You've lost." Lavi piped in, Catherine held by her hair a few inches off the ground.

"You had no chance against us." Bookman said. Granny was a few feet away slumped against a tree. Her favorite rifle had been crushed by Lavi's hammer.

"How did you beat everyone?" I stammered. Allen was getting up now after hitting the ground.

"We worked together. Lenalee beat Lyle, helped me beat sleeping beauty here, and then I saved the old panda." Lavi said. Bookman just glared at him, biding his time till he could get Lavi back. "Now, are you ready to concede defeat?"

"No! He dies here!" Allen roared. Lenalee got in his way.

"Allen, why are you so angry with him? I don't like Henry either but this isn't like you."

"Lenalee, it's my fault." Everyone still conscious turned to me. Time to lie my ass off." I ran into Allen when he was in France. When he couldn't find his master, I asked him if he wanted to go get some food. We found a nice place to eat and Allen ordered everything on the menu." Lenalee stifled a laugh. "That was when Rhode attacked. She hit Allen over the head and knocked him out, then threatened to turn me into Swiss cheese if I got out of my seat. She dragged him thru her door and I haven't seen him since today."

"That's a lie! You were the one who hit me!" Allen fumed.

"No, it was Rhode. She hit you from behind so how would you know who did it?" Now people were looking at Allen.

"You bludgeoned me with a rack of lamb you bastard!" His fellow exorcists were beginning to think Allen might actually be crazy when he sighed and whispered something in Lenalee's ear. She gasped, then turned to me, the same murderous intent coming off of Allen was emanating from Lenalee now.

"You bastard!" Lenalee and Allen both yelled as they attacked me, leaving behind a confused Lavi and Bookman. Can't believe Allen just told her about all that *CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED* that Rhode did to him.

Lenalee was behind me in the blink of an eye and kicked me in the back of the knee, bringing me down. Allen walked up and un-invoked his innocence. I was puzzled before he started cracking his knuckles and Lenalee grabbed me.

"Is it too late to say I'm sorry?"

"Nope, but it won't help you," Allen replied.

_An hour and a Half Later_

"Allen, are you done yet?" Lavi asked.

"Just a few more hours Lavi. Why don't you take Catherine into the woods or something?" Lavi was shocked. He may be a ladies man, but he isn't that forceful.

"Lenalee, don't you see a problem with this?" Lavi hoped she would be the voice of reason.

"No, Henry has it coming. Now either help us or stay quiet."

"CAN SOMEONE HELP ME!?" I shouted. "He has been beating me for over an hour!"

"Shut it!" Allen growled as he punched me once again. I can't even see out one of my eyes because my face has swelled up so much. Bookman and Lavi wanted to step in, but even they feared the combined wrath of Allen and Lenalee. At least they weren't hurting the others.

"Okay Allen, let's finish this." Lenalee told Allen.

"Your right." He activated his claw arm. He put one claw over my heart and started to slowly push inward. This was the second most painful experience in my life. "I guess your family won't be the only heart broken ones when we are done with you." Rhode really rubbed off on the beansprout.

"The puns! The puns are what will really kill me!" If I was going to die, I would be either incredibly awesome or incredibly sarcastic.

"No, I will kill you!" Allen was furious and pulled out his claw, readying one last stab.

"Innocence activate!' We turned to see a furious Miranda activating her Time Record before lobbing a raging Krieg at Lenalee. My wounds had healed and with Lenalee no longer restraining me, I slugged Allen and retrieved my discarded innocence. I put my foot down his throat and blade over his ribcage.

"Allen, I should kill you, but I won't. Do you want to know why?" He gave me an odd look as I leaned down to whisper into his ear. "I want you to see Rhode after her nine months are up." If my foot wasn't on his throat I'm pretty sure he would have screamed.

Taking stock of the situation, I saw granny, Lyle, and Miranda were staring down Lavi and Bookman, while Krieg was still mauling Lenalee.

"So I think we will be taking that innocence. Where did the little girl go off to?" Before I could even start looking, we all heard the sound of the girl in question screaming. Forgetting our previous conflict, we all ran to investigate. We found Mei Ling crying in a clearing, a blonde woman and a girl in a French maids outfit standing over her. In the blond's hand was Mei's innocence.

"Lulubell!" Allen seethed.

"I assume you know each other." Allen wouldn't talk to me; still pissed he couldn't finish me off.

"Yes, we met her a short time ago. She is a Noah who was been harassing us since we came to China." Bookman said. "Henry, what is your compatriot doing?" I turned away from him to see Catherine stalking towards Lulubell.

"Jesus Catherine, have some decency!" Lulubell finally noticed and turned only to be accosted by Catherine.

"Madam Lulubell!" The maid cried out, trying to pry Catherine off. She turned into her Akuma form and even then couldn't pry her off.

We all watched this in silence, for varying reasons. In the middle of Catherine's assault, the innocence rolled away from the struggling pair.

"Well, that was easy." I pocketed the innocence and went back to watching with the others.

"Should we do something? This seems cruel." Lenalee said, completely ignoring the irony of that statement.

"Nah, if Lulubell is a Noah then I'm sure she will be fine. Besides, do you any of you want to get near that?" I pointed to the scene in front of us.

"Um, excuse me. Can I have my innocence back?" Mei was tugging at my jacket, giving me a pleading look like I'm about to kick her puppy.

"Granny, what do you think?"

"Get rid of it. It has been nothing but trouble." She was still holding onto the horribly mangled barrel of her rifle.

"Here, girl. Hope you have better luck with it than I." I pulled it out of my coat and handed it to her. It started to glow and her eyes glazed over. She was like this for a minute before the innocence stopped glowing. Her face turned green and she ran into the bushes. We heard the sound of her retching and when she came back she forced the innocence back on me.

"TAKE IT! I don't want to see disgusting stuff like that ever again!" She cast a shaky glance to the still squirming trio before running off to her village.

"What just happened?" Lenalee asked, concerned for Mei.

"She saw the future, and I assume it is Lulubell's future in about twenty minutes. I think we should get going before we see that which can't be unseen." The exorcists didn't understand what I meant so they didn't leave as soon as the mercenaries. Even from the inn in town, we could hear the exorcists retching in much the same way as Mei. We also heard what sounded like a cat when you step on its tail, but it went on for over an hour.

"Guys, can we all agree to never go on family picnics ever again?"

"YES!"

**Author's Note : Yup, Allen and Henry finally fought it out. We saw his level two innocence, him getting his ass kicked, and then turning it all around. Lenalee and Allen went a little bit evil, but after what Rhode did to Allen, I don't blame them. Had Lulubell and Mimi, but their part is small this chapter. Sorry about the wait, developed small case of writers block when it came to the fight scene. Originally planned for Henry to lose an arm and other stuff, but it didn't make the cut. Thanks for reading and please review**


	11. Wrath Meets Furie

**Author's Note : I'm currently procrastinating and avoiding my chemistry work. Sitting across from me is a periodic table and I swear to god it just gave me the stink eye. I know all authors say this, but please review so I know whether I went too far or if I should go farther. I mean, we all know what I did to Allen and Lulubell. On with the story!**

**Thanks to my Betas**

**Disclaimer : I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!**

"It is so good to be home." I said as we entered the bar. We had just arrived back at the Clever Fox, exhausted from the long trip home. It was further extended by a trip to the hospital after Miranda un-invoked her innocence. I had my left arm in a cast. The only one who seemed in a good mood was Catherine, which we all found odd.

"Catherine, why are you so chipper?" Lyle asked. She was humming for Pete's sake! "Is it because of the Noah?" Granny saw where this was going and pretty much ran for her office.

"I think there was real chemistry that night." Oh god I'm going to lose my breakfast, lunch, and dinner if she goes on. "Even her Akuma was nice when I let her join in."

I spent the next hour cleaning the floor after everyone save Catherine and the oblivious Miranda puked. Even Krieg did and he doesn't eat food! When I finished, I went downstairs to find granny. She was in her office as per usual, caressing her mangled sniper.

"Granny, I need your help." She put the rifle away before addressing me.

"Okay junior, what do you need?"

"Dad's coat got wrecked during the fighting so I was wondering if you could sew it up, and also add a hood."

"Why a hood?"

"For Krieg. Sometimes I just can' handle having him on my shoulders for hours at a time. This way he can travel without hindering me."

"Anything else?"

"Nope. I'll be manning the bar if you need me. It looks like we can get a day to relax."

_Lyle and John_

"John, have you been cleaning in here at all since we left?" Lyle was pissed. John had left the science wing alone, going off to do science knows what, and now the place looked like a low budget horror movie. Lyle's lunch of bratwurst from over a week ago now had a colony of fungus that covered half the second level. The cow had eaten thru all its cereal and was half-starved.

"What happened to our Mogwai? What if some random guy found it and sold it?" Lyle reprimanded. John let the place go. "What have you been doing this entire time?"

He pointed to today's T-shirt of the day. Adjusting his new glasses, Lyle leaned closer.

"Nekocon! You went to a bloody anime convention!? Which one?"

He pulled out a bag and inside was several dozen T-shirts. He'd gone to all of them, predictably.

"Okay, just help me clean up. You start up here and I'll handle the vault." He nodded his understanding and went to work throwing out thrash and cleaning cobwebs. Lyle strolled down to the fifth level and picked up the phone.

"Allons-y." he said into the receiver.

"Password accepted. Opening the vault." An emotionless voice replied. The surgical table in the center slid away along with a part off the floor, revealing a hidden staircase.

"John, if I don't make it back, I want you to know it is all your fault." John flipped him off and Lyle approached the stairs. He readied Sheila before running down the steps, to face the ancient horrors that Lyle and John collected.

"ALLONS-Y!"

_48 Hours Later_

"John, can I get a hand down here?" John stopped eating his steak with the cow and looked down to see Lyle coming from out of the vault. Giving the remainder of food to the cow, he went down and helped Lyle up the stairs. Most of his sweater had been burned off and he was holding a familiar sword. It started to glow and Lyle threw it back down the steps.

"Sorry Excalibur, but I don't want to deal with you now." Lyle called down. If you listened closely, you could hear someone saying "Fool" from down below. "I needed him to pass the hydra. Wish that Greek guy had given us back Medusa's head. It would have made the trip a whole lot easier." We looked off to the time machine, lost in our memories.

"So did I miss anything while downstairs?" John pointed back towards the central area and indicated the bar, making a drinking motion. "Is it dangerous?" There was a visible tremor in John and Lyle instantly regretted throwing away the sword of kings.

"Oh well, you only live once. Well, for most of us." Lyle walked back up the stairs and came to the central area. Oddly enough, he couldn't hear the normal sounds of our drunken patrons coming from above. He went up the ladder and slowly opened the door to the bar. Two figures were seated at the bar. The closest one was Catherine, who was currently trying to outdrink a giant Noah. He had a brown trench coat and was munching on candy in between beers. I was behind the bar, horribly bruised and wearing a makeshift eye patch, and hurriedly getting drinks for the only two patrons in the bar.

"Can someone explain why Catherine is having a drinking contest with a Noah?"

"Yeah, it's a long story so you might want to take a seat."

_24 Hours Earlier, The Ark_

"Lulu, what's wrong? You haven't come out of your room in weeks!" Rhode whined. She was outside the door to Lulubell's room, her Akuma Mimi sitting beside the door with her head between her knees. The Akuma is catatonic and didn't even move when Rhode threatened to trigger her self-destruct.

"Lulu I'm coming in." Rhode opened one of her doors and came out inside Lulubell's room. She found Lulubell in her cat form curled into her bed, tiny tears coming from the cat's golden eyes. Rhode scooped her up and rocked her back and forth.

"What happened to you?"

"Meoooow meow meow meooow!" Lulubell said.

"Um, the Earl hasn't taught me cat so I have no idea what you just said." The cat flicked it's tail and jumped down onto her bed.

"Meow meow meow meooow and then she left me in the middle of the woods with her phone number and a passed out Mimi!" She started speaking in her cat form but ended it in her human form.

"Who did this to you?"

"A female mercenary. She said her name was Catherine Furie. I may be the Noah of lust, but she was an animal!" She cried the last part. Rhode was rubbing her back, comforting her sister while plotting Ms. Furie's painful demise.

"Don't worry Lulu. I'll get her back for you, and I know the perfect man for the job." A sadistic smile was plastered across her face.

_22 Hours Earlier_

"So you want me to kill this woman? Do I get something sweet for it?" Skin Bolic asked. Rhode rolled her eyes. Was avenging a fellow Noah's honor not enough for him?

"I'll let you have part of my stash."

"Half of it."

"Fine. Now do you know what you're doing?" Have to make sure he doesn't forget.

"I'm killing a mercenary woman."

"Not just that, you are killing Catherine Furie. She is French. Don't kill the German one or the old lady. Now get going!" She kicked Skin into her door that would take him to the mercenaries bar.

He came staggering out of Rhodes door and went right thru the bars front door. The drunks looked up in surprise but I just moaned.

"Alright everyone. The bar is closed. Get out before I call Catherine." The bar was empty in seconds, except one guy who got trampled in the mass exodus. The Noah walked up to the bar.

"Where is Catherine Furie?"

"Is this about Lulubell?"

"That's what Rhode said."

"Follow me then." I led into the bathroom hallway and opened the hatch for him.

"Just go down there and I'll be right behind you." He gave me a confused look.

"You know I'm here to kill her, right?"

"I figured, but I couldn't stop you even if I wanted to. Besides, Catherine could use a good fight. She has been restless since China." He shook his head and then jumped down the hatch. The loud thud at the bottom told me he didn't bother grabbing the ladder. I jumped down thirty seconds later, giving time for Skin to move out of the way.

"It's big down here." He said while gawking at the scenery.

"Yeah, we made it for situations just like this. If you could wait here, I'll fetch Catherine." I walked to the dormitory, whistling a tune of my own. I came to the dormitory door and called out Catherine's room. I opened it only to be assaulted by a myriad of smells, the most prominent being sweat.

Her room was giant, and separated into two parts. The first was a gym which she was currently in and beating a punching bag to a bloody pulp. Literally; there was blood coming out of the bag. In the back was Catherine's bedroom, only seen by a select few, and even fewer are alive today.

"What are you doing in my room?" She said in between ragged breaths.

"There is a certain Noah who would love to see you."

"You don't mean…?"

"I do." She jumped for joy and ran back to her bedroom to get a fresh change of clothes. She came out five minutes later, radiating warmth.

"Let's go meet my little kitten." Oh god the pet names. We went out of her room and walked down the hallway. She was almost running as we reached the end.

"Oh Lulu! Where are you?" She might kill me for this deception but it was so worth it.

"No, I'm Skin, not Lulubell." Skin told her. The warmth she radiated moments ago turned into a burning rage she directed at me.

"WHERE IS MY KITTEN!?"

"Not here. She is apparently doing the Noah equivalent of suing us and sent Skin here to kill you. Seeing as you have been jumping every last blonde we've seen lately, I think you could learn a lesson in humility from our Noah friends."

"You know I'm going to kill her, not teach a lesson." Skin said, deadpan.

"I doubt either of you can kill the other. Catherine has no innocence so Skin can't be killed." Catherine was glaring at me. "Catherine here is too tough to be killed so I don't think even a Noah can kill her." Now they both glared at me, before eyeing each other.

"Winner gets to beat the shit out of Henry, deal?" Catherine asked.

"Agreed." I backed up as far as I could against the wall between the science wing and granny's office.

They started circling each other, sizing up their enemies. Skin had the advantage in body mass and height, along with genetics, but Catherine is someone you never want to underestimate. They stopped there circling for a brief moment before charging each other. They traded blows, each giving as good as they got. When Skin attempted an uppercut, Catherine sidestepped and jabbed him right in the ribs. When Catherine gave him a right hook, he gave her a left. This didn't seem like it would end anytime soon.

_10 Hours Earlier_

They were still at it. Occasionally Miranda and Krieg would come by to see what was happening but eventually they would just walk off. Both fighters were equally matched, and it was obvious that it pissed off both Catherine and Skin. They pulled back for one last punch. This was going to be the grand finale. They let loose with everything they had. Both hits collided with their targets head. Everything stopped and you could hear a pin drop if you listened hard enough.

"That hurt."

"I could say the same thing Skin." For the longest time they just stood there, fists still in each other's faces. Then they separated, and started laughing.

"What is going on?"Granny had walked in, tired of the constant noise of fighting.

"It appears they have developed a mutual respect for each other thru fighting. Looks like I'm not the only one who is chummy with the Noah now." I flashed her a smug grin but she was already walking away. When I looked back, Skin and Catherine were towering over me.

"Since neither of you actually won, neither of you should get to beat me." I tried to reason.

"Or we can both beat you." Skin offered.

"I like the way you think."

_Present _

"After they finished attacking me, they decided to see who could hold their liquor. We will run out of booze in two hours at this rate. Lyle, mind helping me out?"

"You're on your own."

"No! Please don't leave me!" Lyle was already gone. I turned back expecting the booze hounds to be chanting for another round, but Skin was gone.

"Where did he go?"

"He said he had business in Edo."


	12. The Ark Part 1

**Author's Note : No more days off, Halo 4, and chemistry are trying to keep me down, but I won't abandon you! This is one of my favorite story arcs, next to the Komrin and Komui's zombie apocalypse ones. On with the show!**

**P.S. 500 hundred views! I love you guys!**

**Disclaimer : I do not own anything, but one day I will. I SHALL HAVE ZE WORLD!**

"So what have you called us down here for this time?" I asked. Inside granny's office were Lyle, Catherine, Krieg, and myself. Miranda had caught a cold and wouldn't be out of bed for a while.

"The Earl called us and said he had a job. A very well paying job. The exorcists we encountered in China had continued going east, and are now assaulting the Earl's base of operations. He says he would like our help." Lyle was the only one who looked concerned about working with the Noah; Catherine and I had enjoyed our encounters with the Earl's homicidal family.

"Before you ask, Catherine, a little girl mentioned that her sister Lulubell would not be there, and that she will kill you if you touch her again. You will have to stay behind on this one." Catherine departed, leaving only Lyle, Krieg, and I.

"So how are we getting there? Is Rhode opening another door?" I asked.

"He said to stand right in front of me while I call him back." She was reaching for the phone.

"Excuse me, but can I sit this one out?" Lyle asked. Before we could respond a portal opened beneath him, pulling him in.

"Nope." I called down before jumping through myself, clutching Krieg.

_Japan_

"What the hell happened here?" Lyle stammered. We were standing on a lone building in the middle of a crater. The Earl, Tyki, Skin, and two crudely dressed Noah I've never seen before were standing with us.

"Ah, the help has arrived." The Earl addressed us. The other Noah, save for Skin, snickered. "I need you to handle the remaining exorcists. I'm sending you along with Tyki, Skin, Jasdero, and David to where I've trapped them."

"It's Jasdevi!" The twins yelled.

"Um. I don't mean to interrupt, but what do you need us for if you have four Noah who could easily kill most exorcists?" Lyle asked.

"If you don't want the work, you can start walking home empty handed." The Earl told him. Lyle seemed about to retort when I pulled him back.

"Alright Uncle Earl, let's get this party started." I told him with an arrogant smirk.

"Henry, you know how I feel about being called that." I could his demonic eyes glaring holes thru me and had to hold back the laughter that would have certainly killed me. "Never mind. Tyki-pon, take the mercenaries into the Ark." Tyki seemed irritated by his own nickname, but still led us thru a waiting portal to where the exorcists were supposed to be waiting.

"Wow." The three mercenaries said simultaneously. It appeared to some sort of seaside town with a giant tower at the center. From our elevated position on said tower, we could see that it was floating over a void and was steadily falling apart. Lyle seemed disappointed.

"So this is Noah's Ark? I expected it to be less run down."

"I should kill you for that, but I'll let the exorcists have that pleasure." Tyki threatened as the other Noah came thru the portal behind us. "Henry, you will stay here with me at the top of the tower. The annoying fox thing will go with Jasdevi. Your explosive wielding compatriot will go with Skin. Any questions?"

"Yes. Why am I called the annoying fox thing?" Krieg asked, hackles raised and ready to pounce.

"Simply stating a fact, you annoying fox." Krieg jumped out of my hood and went sailing thru the air, aiming for Tyki's crotch, when he went through the Noah. He then reached down and grabbed the surprised fox. "See, you are an annoying fox." He flung Krieg back to me before turning into his human form. "I'll be back. I have to greet our guests."

"I'll come too. Might as well work for my pay." I told him.

"Suit yourself."

_Two Minutes Later_

"Should we give them a minute, or maybe a private room?" I asked Tyki. Looking down the road, I saw the exorcists piled on one another with Lenalee at the bottom and Kanda at the top.

"Yeah, let's wait till they find Lero."

_Thirty Minutes Later_

"Okay, that was ridiculous. There is less than three hours left before the Ark is destroyed and they've only just found Lero! Is this even worth my time?" Tyki complained. We had passed the time playing poker and he currently had everything but my coat, underwear, and innocence.

"Can I have my clothes back?"

"When we are finished. Once I kill the beansprout again, you can have your stuff back."

"Did you just say 'again'?"

"Yeah. I almost killed him in China. I ripped off his arm and had a Tease eat a hole in his heart, but somehow he is alive and kicking." Tyki called back to me as he walked off to confront the exorcists in his human form. Lenalee and Lavi were the ones who recognized him. Tyki told me how they met him on the train after Krory's castle and he took everything Lavi had on him.

"It's glasses guy!" Lenalee exclaimed. "How are you here?"

"Lenalee. Stay away from him." Kanda cautioned.

"Why?"

"He and Henry have been watching us for half an hour now. Isn't that right, kitsune kid?" I stepped out from the alley I had moved to.

"You're sharp as ever, Bakanda."

"Why are you here, Henry, and where are your clothes?"

"The Earl hired me to help get rid of you guys. It's nothing personal, just business. To answer the second question, I'm just not good at poker."

"Shouldn't we be focusing on glasses guy?" Lavi asked. Kanda and I turned to him.

"Shut up, baka usagi!" We yelled at him. Tyki, getting impatient, coughed into his hand to get our attention.

"Ahem. As I was going to say, there is a way out of here." He dangled a key in front of Allen. "Rhode's door is at the top of the tower over there. All you need to do to escape is go thru three doors and then Rhode's door to leave the Ark. Let's pick up that game we started way back when, but this time play fair."

"How would this be fair? We were under the impression you were immortal." Allen asked. Tyki and I shared a look before falling on the ground, laughing. I recovered first from the sudden fit.

"The Noah are still human. The only reason they seem immortal is because you guys are so weak!" I told them as a building fell in between me and the exorcists, crushing Tyki. I could hear them murmuring from their side before Tyki walked out of the debris and threw the key over to Kanda.

"Nice line, Henry. Couldn't have said it better myself." Tyki told me as we made our back to the tower.

"Thanks. Now can I have my clothes back?"

_Lyle and Skin_

"Do you have any sweets?"

"For the last time, I don't have any sweets!" Lyle was contemplating suicide more and more with every passing minute. Skin had spent the entire time eating candy and when he finished, he kept asking me for some candy.

"You sure?" he asked, a pleading tone to his voice.

"Yes I am…" I couldn't finish as in the distance a group of exorcists came out of a small cottage. Kanda stepped forward.

"I got this one. You guys go ahead."

"I'll stay behind and help you." Allen told him.

"I said get going. I'll take him on." He turned Mugen on his comrades and even from here I could feel his killing intent. He starting launching those underworld insects and all I could hear was the exorcists screaming about demons and running for the door, except for Lenalee.

"Promise me you will be right behind us." Kanda was silent and she took that as a yes before running off to the door out of the area.

"You guys keep grumbling and complaining. Just shut up already!" I was slightly perturbed by Skin's outburst.

"You Noah are really aggressive. Have you ever thought about getting some therapy?" Skin turned to me while Kanda waited patiently.

"I'm the Noah of Wrath, not cuddles. I kill people."

"Sheesh, I'm just saying that you may want to find a new outlet for your anger besides killing exorcists and eating sweets." He decided to ignore me and focused on Kanda.

"I am Skin Bolic. Who is it I will be killing today?"

"The name is Kanda, and I believe it will be you who is going to die." He created a second Mugen, in much the same fashion as Henry does. Skin's skin peeled away to reveal a yellow exterior, and arcs of electricity could be seen jumping around his body. I pulled out my grenade launcher and felt sorely inadequate for the situation.

"So is this a Truxican standoff?"

"No, human. You are going to stay over in the corner and wait for me to finish with Kanda." Skin told me.

"Then why am I here?"

"I don't give a crap whether or not you are here. The Earl called for your accommodator and you just happened to tag along for the ride."

"Well, if Kanda happens to start kicking your ass, give me a call." I plopped down onto the ground, resigned to stay out of the fight unless the employer gets in over his head.

"Can we just start this fight? We are running low on time here." Kanda had started tapping his foot out of impatience.

"Sorry about that. The help these days is just deplorable," Skin said in an uncharacteristically eloquent manner. "DIE, EXORCIST!"

So they fought. Kanda slashed at Skin, only to be electrocuted whenever he made contact, Skin created chains from the electricity and started throwing Kanda around, and Kanda somehow lived through all of this and kept fighting.

"Time to finish this, exorcist!" Skin flung Kanda into a rock with enough force to embed the poor guy in the stone. Skin had Kanda by his throat and was about to roast him when Kanda's melting Mugen stabbed Skin. "Die, damn you!" Skin poured every volt of electricity he could into Kanda, who tore through Skin's chest to release his Mugen. Both of them screamed in pain, their wounds more than any normal human could withstand. Skin fell to his knees, the innocence left behind from Mugen destroying his body from the inside. Kanda stumbled out of the rock and started over to the exit, until a sudden explosion knocked him back.

"Oi, you just killed my employer. I don't think I'm going to let you leave here alive." I was up now, Sheila's barrel still smoking and a new round already loaded.

"We don't have time for this! We have to get out of here before this room falls apart. The entrance is already gone and the exit won't last much longer."

"Never forgive."

"What was that?" Kanda asked.

"Never forgive! Never forgive!"

We turned to see Skin getting up, his body exuding power and uncontrolled rage.

"Well, I guess the Noah really are immortal." I said, mostly to myself. Skin unleashed a blast of energy, which Kanda tried to block with his twin Mugen. The blast was getting stronger, and eventually Mugen shattered.

"I destroyed it. I won!" Skin was gloating over his victory when he saw a beam of light at his feet.

"Mugen, third illusion!" The pieces of Mugen re-united and Kanda let out one last slash right down the middle of Skin Bolic.

"This is the end, Noah." Skin fell to the ground, dead. Kanda turned to the exit to see it destroyed by Skin's final attack. "Looks like Komui is going to be depressed. I'm not going to make it home."

"That isn't your problem anymore." Kanda turned around to see my fist smash into his face, knocking the already exhausted Kanda out cold. "I always wanted to be the last man standing."

Then everything went black.

**Author's Note : Thus ends the life of the only American on D. Gray-Man that I know of. Goodbye Skin Bolic, who knows who will follow you next? This may end up being a three part story arc, but all that means more chapters for you. Hope you enjoyed.**

**P.S. Did anyone find the Borderlands 2 reference?**


	13. The Ark Part 2

**Author's Note : So sorry for the long wait, but I just didn't like how the chapter originally came out. As my friend would put it, the plot bunnies aren't attacking me much. Nevertheless, I SHALL NOT ABANDON YOU. My loving fans shall have chapters! Also my Beta would like to point it I have gone crazy with this chapter. Thanks Alex.**

**Beta's Note: You just stole my analogy...**

**Author's Note : I know and I am sorry, but it is very accurate.**

**Disclaimer : I don't own D. Gray-Man, Soul Eater, Hellsing, Bleach, Naruto, Full Metal Alchemist, Pandora Hearts, Black Cat, or any other good anime I can think of. I only own the Mercenaries that I created.**

_Krieg_

"So that is the Earl's master plan? I never realized that was the Akumas true purpose." I was shocked. I was currently being held by Jasdero and was enjoying a good petting while David was stomping alongside us.

"Yeah. Once we destroy the Heart we plan to…" David stopped mid-sentence as tears started rolling down the twins faces.

"What's going on?" I was confused by this, as the boys didn't seem the crying type. They were punks - gender confused punks, but not crybabies. They didn't respond and kicked down the nearest door.

"We need a tissue or something." Inside the room were a crying Tyki and Rhode.

"Someone tell me what is going on!"

"Skin is dead, Krieg. They got him." Rhode told me.

"What about Lyle? Did he make it?"

"No, and neither did their opponent. Looks like a triple kill." I was so shocked I didn't even care that Jasdero just used me as the tissue he couldn't find. We all sat there, crying over those we lost.

"Never forgive." The Noah turned to me.

"What did you say?" Tyki asked, wiping away his tears.

"Never forgive. We can't forgive them for what they did. The Mercenaries haven't had a loss in twelve years, and just like back then it was the Black Order that killed them. We can't forgive them." The Noah all exchanged an awkward look before bursting out laughing. "What is so funny?" I asked with a hint of annoyance.

"That is exactly what Skin would say." Rhode said, pushing herself off the ground. "Maybe you are the next Wrath. You would certainly be the cutest Noah." The Noah who had recovered from the initial bout of laughter had once again fallen on their asses. I proceeded to do what I normally do: stomping everyone's crotch, except for Rhode's. That was when I noticed something sticking out of David's pocket.

"What is that?" He looked to be debating whether or not to show us when Tyki swiped it.

"What the… Are these bills?" He was dumbfounded. "How could you spend a hundred guinea on booze, women, lodgings, and… a chicken? This is extreme, even for you."

"It wasn't us!" They cried out. "That bastard Cross has been leaving us his bills the entire time we have been chasing him. All we have is this chicken and kick ass hat." He pulled out the chicken from seemingly nowhere and tried to do the same with the hat, but nothing happened. "Jasdero. What did you do with the hat?" He was glaring at his brother before he noticed that it was placed squarely on my furry head.

"What? I like it."

"That's not the point. We worked hard for that hat and I want it back." He pulled out his gun, followed closely by his brother. I turned towards Rhode and gave her my best puppy dog eyes.

"Jasdevi. If the cute one is hurt, you will be hurt." She had turned to them, face emotionless. Everyone else felt a shiver go down their spines. "I think it's time you three went to greet our guests." We nodded before rapidly scurrying out. "And boys." We stopped halfway through the door. "If you kill my Allen-kun, I will hurt you."

"Yes Rhode!"

_In The Library_

"AH!" Was what my ears were accosted by as the exorcists came hurtling down the hall leading into one of the Ark's libraries.

"Looks like we ended up in some kind of library." Lavi pointed out.

"No shit, Sherlock! Do you want a cookie for your deduction work?" The exorcists looked up to the monument in the middle of the room to see the twins and a fox in a wide brim hat.

"Is that master's hat? What have you done to General Cross?!" Allen asked, although I heard what I almost thought was optimism in his voice.

"Beansprout, your master is still alive, so don't get your hopes up." His head drooped a considerable distance. "He also left us something that you are going to pay. These two have debts for you." A rock materialized from thin air and fell on Allen's head. "That's right, beansprout. You are going to pay back all one hundred Guinea or we hand you over to Rhode." The rock was shattered by a set of horns that emerged from his head.

"One hundred… Just a hundred… You can pay back that chump change! You don't know what real debt is!" The other exorcists inched away from Allen, afraid of his dark side.

"What?" The twins stammered. "The apprentice should pay the masters bills, not us!"

"I've been paying off debts for the last ten years, and now that I'm free of that bastard Cross, I won't pay anyone else's debts!" Allen was cackling like a madman.

_Somewhere Else in the Ark_

"I feel the sudden urge to beat my idiot apprentice." Cross mused.

_Back with Krieg_

"Hey, how much do you think Cross would pay us if we took you hostage?" Jasdero asked.

"Nothing." Allen said, voice deadpan.

"You know, you could sell the silver on his exorcist uniform and make a decent amount of money." I pointed out.

"Good point, fur ball." David scratched me behind the ear before addressing the exorcists. "Alright. We will let you live if you get us all the uniforms you can carry."

"No, idiot. I meant for you to kill them and loot their coats! Think of Skin, for Pete's sake!" They grew somber for a minute, but then perked back up to their old selves.

"You're right, fur ball. We can't let them leave here alive. Would you like the first strike?"

"Of course." I jumped down from the monument I was perched on and stalked towards Allen. "Boy."

"What is it?"

"I'm going to kill one of your friends." The exorcists tensed up, preparing for me to strike. "Your friend back with Wrath is dead, and because of him so is Lyle." Lenalee gasped. She didn't want to believe Kanda was dead. "Allen Walker, if anyone was going to kill that bastard, IT'S ME!" Allen activated his arm and raised it in defense, but I wasn't going after him.

"Ah!" Lavi yelled. I flung myself at Lavi, toppling him and Lenalee who was behind him. "Get him off me!" Allen was lunging for me, but the twins intercepted him.

"Blue Bomb!" A giant sphere of ice slammed into Allen, knocking him into a bookcase. Now I could focus on my prey.

"Which one shall I deal with? Normally I don't hurt women, but I'll make an exception today. NOW CHOOSE!" Lavi stared back at me defiantly, but it was Lenalee who spoke.

"Don't hurt Lavi. If you have to hurt anyone, hurt me."

"No, Lenalee! You don't need to do this." Lavi pleaded.

"What a kind hearted girl. However, it was a rhetorical question." I bared my fangs and brought them down on Lavi's face.

"Oh god… Please stop this!" Lenalee pleaded and tried to get out from the screaming Lavi, but his dead weight and her injuries kept her down.

"This looks good. I always wondered what these taste like."

"No!" I didn't care what he said. My fangs tore the skin around his eye socket before yanking back, carrying an emerald green eye ball with them. Then, in a painfully slow manner, I swallowed the eye.

"Crunchy outside with a gooey center. Excellent taste and a smooth finish. I hate to admit it, but you taste delicious, Lavi."

"I swear that I will never forgive you! You will pay for this!" Lenalee wailed.

"Wait your turn, girl. Once I get the other one, you'll get what's coming to you." I pawed at the red heads eye patch until it came loose. "What the hell?" Lavi was mortified and threw me off in an adrenaline-induced burst of strength. I landed on my feet despite my surprise "You are…"

"I'm a Bookman." His remaining eye was same the brilliant green, but inscribed inside his pupil was a pentacle.

"How the hell did you get cursed?"

"Let's just say that there is a reason the Bookman don't work with the Earl." He picked up his eye patch and put it over his empty socket before pulling out his hammer. However, he was unable to use it because Lenalee pounced on me.

"You little monster!" She started to savagely hit me. "Why would you do this? What have we ever done to you?" She stopped her fist an inch above my head. She was close to tears, but stayed strong. "Tell me!"

"Because you destroy my family! You killed Jacob, Nora, and now Lyle! Jacob was a fool, Nora a manipulative bitch, and Lyle an ass who operated on me in my sleep, but they were my family!" Now I was the one close to tears. "What have we ever done to _you_?" She slapped me.

"You killed Kanda! You sell Innocence to the Earl! You even kill innocent people! You are nothing but monsters, worse than Akuma. You can choose not kill people, yet you do it!"

"We aren't the only monsters. Look at yourself before you cast the first stone! You too, had a choice. The Black Order didn't have to kill countless children just to make more exorcists." She was petrified when I mentioned the children, and Lavi had enough.

"Lenalee, that's enough." He was behind her now, trying to pull her off. "He isn't worth it."

"How can you say that? He ate your eye!"

"I only used one long before he ate the other. I'm still everyone's favorite Lavi." He gave her a cheeky smile before helping her off me. I hacked up some blood as I myself got up.

"I think I swallowed a tooth." I grumbled, only for Lavi to turn to me.

"Don't think I'm letting you off that easy." He picked me up by my underside." Hut." He pulled back his right leg. "Hut."

"Fuck."

"HIKE!" He dropped me and kicked, sending me flying across the room. I hit the monument in the center of the room like a sack of potatoes. I could see Lavi on one knee with his hand pressed to his temple, for some reason I'm pretty sure only John would know.

"Fur ball, how are you holding up?" David called out. The twins appeared to have their hands full at the moment, but they still had the decency to ask.

"Not looking good. Anything you can do to help?" Jasdevi and David pondered this for a moment, all the while evading the wild slashes of Allen's Crown Clown. Then they got an idea. I knew this because they created light bulbs over their heads, and then threw them at Allen before coming to either side of me.

"This might hurt a bit." They aimed both guns at my head.

"What are you…?" BANG BANG! I closed my eyes, expecting to feel sudden pain, but instead felt a sense of euphoria. I opened my eyes and the first thing I noticed was that I was taller, around twelve feet tall. The second was that I had five tails, and my claws were actually menacing. I looked down at the twins. "What is this?"

"Well, we know we can alter our own form, but we never tried doing it someone else. It seemed like now was as good a time as any."

"You had no idea that would work, did you?"

"Yeah, is that a problem?" Their grip on their guns tightened.

"If this hadn't worked, I would be hurting you now. _But_," I said, turning to Lavi. "I could enjoy this body."

"And powers." Jasdero piped in.

"Powers?"

"We based your form on the Japanese Kitsune, since we parked the Ark in Japan. So you should have some of its powers."

"Oh, this will be fun." I had a malicious smile that was directed at the now regrouped exorcists.

"Allen, grab Lenalee and Chaoji." Lavi told him, and he complied. "Now get out here."

"No, I won't leave you behind, Lavi." Lavi enlarged his hammer, and pulled out the key to the next door with his other hand, holding it out to Allen. Allen was too busy wondering what Lavi was doing when he took it to see what was coming.

"I had a feeling you would say that." He swung his hammer, hitting the group of the huddled exorcists and one sailor. They were propelled straight towards the locked door. Out of the corner of his eye, Allen saw the key to the door fly past him and slide perfectly into the door, which creaked open seconds before they were splattered all over it.

"Darn. I would have liked to see the triple betrayal." Jasdevi whined. Allen came back through the door, obviously pissed.

"Why did you…" He ran back through the door as Lavi's hammer came down where he'd been standing.

"Get going! Get Lenalee and Chaoji out of here or I will never forgive you." Lavi shouted to the door before turning back to me. During this time I went over the powers I had. I only knew about two powers that a Kitsune should have, shape-shifting and creating fire, but it appeared that I only had the former.

"Now it is just you and me, Lavi."

"And us, fur ball." Jasdero pointed out.

"You should sit this one out. Read a book or something." I swished one of my tails, indicating the many bookshelves around us. "Hell, go burn them for all I care." They seemed about to protest, but no one had ever encouraged them to do stuff like that.

"Have fun, fur ball." David gave one last wave before heading to the non-fiction section.

"Now, where were we?" I once again turned to Lavi only to get a face full of hammer. He was shocked when I caught it in my giant maw, but quickly recovered. He swung himself onto his hammer and ran up the hammer. He seemed like a completely different person than the idiot I met before. He jumped off the hammer and slipped as he landed on my neck. He grabbed my ears as he fell, bringing us both to the ground.

He landed on his feet and retrieved his hammer. "Time to get serious. Fire Seal!" He watched the fire serpent fly through the air towards me, until he noticed the serpent was aimed at something he would never hurt.

"Lenalee!" He redirected the snake so it harmlessly crashed into a bookshelf as he ran to her side. "What are you…" He was interrupted by Lenalee hugging him and nearly knocking him over.

"I couldn't leave you behind, Lavi. The truth is… I love you." Lavi could hear Jasdevi and David snickering from the other side of the room, but when Lenalee kissed him, he lost all rational thought.

His lips met her snout and for a moment everything was as it should be. Wait, why does Lenalee have a snout? Lavi's eye snapped open only to slam closed in disgust. He tried to push her away, but her grip was stronger than usual.

"You bastard. You bastard!"

"What do you mean Lavi? Shouldn't you call me a bitch instead? After all, I'm a girl." Lenalee chuckled darkly.

"I know that is you, Krieg!" He was crying now. "My first kiss and I lost it to a fox. Not a foxy lady, but a fox!" A poof of smoke enveloped Lenalee. When it dissipated, I was there standing on my hind legs while holding Lavi in my forelegs.

"I had hoped to do that with Lenalee, but the look on your face was priceless. Hey Jasdevi, did you get the picture?" I turned to where they were watching.

"Oh yeah. Where should we send this to?"

"Make a couple thousand copies. Send some to the Black Order, some to the other Noah, and attach the rest to Akuma so they can spread it worldwide. We can call it The Facepicture."

They had started to walk away when David turned around. "No, just Facepicture."

"Krieg." Lavi was looking at the floor, fists shaking in barely controlled anger.

"Yes dear?"

"Karma is a bitch."

"What?" He dropped his hammer and with an open palm struck me between my nostrils. I reared back as my nose was shattered, and my grip loosened enough that Lavi got loose. He dropped to one knee and brought two fists up to shoulder height before arcing inward, smashing the sides of my knees. I was now falling and expected some witty one-liner like 'timber' or 'have a nice trip. See you next fall' from Lavi, but he just walked over and kneeled down on my arms. Only one last trick left. A poof of smoke enveloped us and when it thinned, Lavi was kneeling over Allen.

"It's me, Allen. You can stop…" He hit me in the floating ribs, breaking three of them. Another poof of smoke and I was Lenalee. "Please, Lavi. You're hurting me." He slugged me harder this time. Think I have it in me for one last change. He had a bored expression as I changed one last time, but was quickly replaced with smug smirk.

"That is the last person you should have changed into." He clasped his hands over head and brought them down on the head of Yu Kanda. Black dots were forming on the edge of my vision and Lavi leaned close to whisper in my ear. "I wonder, if I cut you open, will I find my eye in there? If not, I can always take yours. You won't need it." He brought his hand slowly to my left eye. I snapped at him, but he rammed his free arm down my throat, immobilizing me entirely. I looked up at my attacker, eyes wide in terror. I saw the pentacle on his was glowing a dull red, and just as he made eye contact with me, a giant sphere of ice knocked him off me. Lavi recovered from the blow and turned to see David and Jasdero standing between me and him.

"Why would you save him? Isn't he just the hired help?" He asked, mainly to buy time to assess the situation.

"We aren't doing this for him. If we let you kill him, Rhode would kill us. It's our turn to have some fun." Looking down at me, they said, "You just stay here and watch how a real Noah kills exorcists. Oh, and you dropped this." He put Cross's hat, that had fallen off of me during the fight, back on my head.

"Thanks. Can make one last request?"

"Make it quick."

"Don't get killed."

"Fur ball."

"Yeah?"

"Shut up or I'll take back that hat. We aren't that weak. Jasdero, let's get serious." He raised his gun to his brother's head, who did the same. BANG BANG. I wasn't too shocked when I saw them fuse into one person.

"You guys combined into a chick?" Lavi asked in disbelief.

"No! Why do you think our ultimate form is a chick?"

"Your long girly hair, feminine features, and lipstick." Lavi deadpanned. "If I didn't know you were dudes, I'd say you were hot."

"Oh, just die!" Jasdevi's hair shot out at Lavi. He rolled under it and came up next to Jasdevi. He let out a barrage of palm strikes aimed at the same pressure points he used on me, but they had no effect.

"How is that possible?" he stammered in disbelief.

"After seeing what you did to the fur ball, we choose to reinforce the known pressure points of the body." He created a star over his head and flung it at Lavi, but he jumped back, retrieving his lost hammer as he went.

"Fire seal!" A flaming serpent erupted from the ground and flew towards Jasdevi.

"Weak!" He created another star in front of them. The serpent smashed into it, and split into two as the star cut through it. They reformed and turned back on their target. "Shit!" I knew even a Noah would be hurt by that.

"Damn it! I can't do anything and it's going to get us killed!" I glared at my legs, still useless after Lavi's barrage, before turning back to the fight. The fire was dissipating, and just when I could see the Noah, Lavi smashed them with his hammer. Spikes protruded from Jasdevi's hair which just barely caught the hammer, saving him from a 'crushing' defeat.

"Ha." I laughed at my own joke, which earned me a few growls of irritation from the others.

"Green bomb!" A giant slime trapped Lavi in place, giving the Noah a chance to disengage. He stalked towards me. Before I could ask what he intended to do, I returned back to original form, which he grabbed with his right hand.

"Get out and never come back. Make sure your friends get out alive and that these exorcists pay for Skin." He threw me at the door as Lavi got loose from the slime and activated his fire seal.

"Behind you!" They turned back in shock and didn't have to time to guard. The flames enveloped them and kept going, aiming to hit me before I passed through the door, but a star blocked its path. It was fragile and didn't last long, but I made it through the door. I looked back, expecting the flames to be on my heels, but a sphere of ice was jamming the door.

_Jasdevi_

"Why did you put yourself at risk to save Krieg?" Lavi was bewildered.

"No one is saved yet, exorcist." I created two stars with Lavi in between them, in an attempt to crush him. He thrust the head of his hammer into the star in front of him and extended the handle into the other, pushing the front star and himself on a collision course with me. I jumped up and launched my hair down, piercing his shoulder as he went by.

"Gotcha." He grabbed the hair I stabbed I him with and yanked. He had his back balanced on his now horizontal hammer, with his legs tucked in, and lashed out with both legs as I came in range. I was knocked into the air and when I reached the apex of my ascent, I grabbed hold of a book shelf.

"Damn it. I don't have time for this!" The room had started shaking a few minutes ago, and I knew I didn't have long before the room was downloaded into the new Ark. "Time to end this." I jumped off the shelf and dived for Lavi. He had his hammer ready and looked like he was going to try and hit a home run, but I won't let him. I launched my hair in all direction, creating a giant spiked ball. Lavi changed tactics and used his fire seal, pouring everything he had into the serpent which burned so hot, it was white. Both forces clashed, and for a moment they seemed evenly matched. Then an explosion smothered everything in smoke. When the smoke cleared, only one was left standing.

"It's over." Lavi stated. I was on the ground, the blonde parts of my hair mostly burned off. With great effort, I pulled myself to a kneeling position.

"You're right. It is over." He was confused by what I what I said, but when he followed my gaze, he realized what I meant. The explosion created by our fighting had demolished the door, and now the rooms shaking had reached a fever pitch. "A Noah for an exorcist. Fair trade, don't you think?"

_Krieg_

"You idiots…The employer doesn't sacrifice himself for the employee." I was dragging myself up the stairs, legs still useless. "I'll never forgive them. I will avenge the mercenaries and the Noah!"

**Author's Note : So ends part two of this three part story arc. All that is left is Allen, Henry, and Tyki. How will the final fight go? Find out next chapter that will come out when it comes out.**


	14. The Ark Part 3

**Author's Note : THIS IS IT! The final part of this painful three part story arc. I may like this story arc, but writing it is a pain. Writing out Krory made the last chapter a nightmare, but I digress. After this, we will go back to the normal happy-go-lucky chapters where wacky and insane stuff happens. Yay for my insane writing! Also will have some serious stuff but there shall always be funny.**

**Beta's Note: Happy Thanksgiving~ [An****d for those of you who don't celebrate it: Sucks for you.]**

**Disclaimer : I don't own D. Gray-Man.**

_Allen_

"What's that noise?" We almost reached the top of staircase, with the doorway in sight, when I heard a noise.

"Maybe it's Lavi!" Lenalee was hoping that at least one of her comrades would be able to overcome their opponent. Then they heard a voice that was definitely coming closer, just around the bend.

"Son of a bitch!"

"Sorry Lenalee, but that isn't Lavi." I patted her on the shoulder before heading back down the stairs.

"You!" Much to my disdain, I found a limping Krieg. I grabbed him by scruff and held him parallel to my face. "How did you catch up to us with those injuries?"

"Even like this, any mercenary is faster than you exorcists." He managed a brief chortle which lapsed into a fit of coughing. I almost pitied the fox, but then I remembered everything he had ever done to me and I tightened my grip on him.

"What happened to Lavi?"

"What do you think happened to him? He is dead, you fool!" He tried to spit in my face, but I tilted my head and dodged it by a country mile.

"I don't have time for this." I tossed the ball of hate into the air and caught him by his tail. I walked back up the stairs, dragging Krieg behind me. He let out a grunt of pain each time his head hit a step. When I got back to Lenalee and Chaoji, they weren't sure what surprised them more: Me dragging along Krieg or the horns protruding from my head. "Hold this," I commanded Chaoji as I walked past the two, heading for the glowing doorway.

"A-LLEN!" As I passed through the door, Rhode jumped me. Before I could even begin to pry her off, she kissed me. Luckily, before this kiss became French, Lero flew into Rhode, knocking her off.

"You can't kiss an exorcist – Lero!" the umbrella squawked. At the moment, I was catatonic and Lenalee was trying to shake some sense into me.

"You have an unhealthy obsession with that kid," a voice said from the end of the table in front of us. He was partially obscured by a mountain of food in the middle of the table, but I could see that it was Tyki. Next to the mountain of food, which I could now tell was all Shepard's pie, was Henry. He'd been choking on his food as Rhode ambushed me, but stopped when he saw Krieg.

_Henry_

"Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Krieg, are you okay?" I asked, already reaching for another bowl of food.

"Shut up and get me away from these guys. The fat one keeps staring at me I'm a seventy two ounce steak!" Chaoji turned away in embarrassment.

"Would you quiet down?" Tyki admonished Krieg before addressing the exorcists. "We were getting hungry waiting for you, so I had the Akuma make dinner. Why don't you take a seat and have some?"

"No thanks. I take my time when I eat." Allen said.

"Allen, don't you wolf down all of Jerry's food in, like, five minutes?" Lenalee said. He sighed and took a seat at the end opposite Tyki's. Lenalee sat on his left, Chaoji and Krieg on his right, and Rhode had gotten away from Lero and hopped onto Allen's lap.

"Tyki, I think I'll leave the fighting to you. The mashed potatoes in this are the best I've had outside of Ireland." He was, of course, ignoring me and staring at Allen. "Do all you Noah want to jump the beansprout?" He had been nursing a glass of wine when I said this and did a complete spit take.

"What was that?" He was fuming and let out a few of his Tease, one floating towards me and another towards Lenalee.

"Nothing!" I replied, fearing for my food. The Tease he released roosted on my head, and started trying to swipe food out of my spoon. "Tyki, can you call this thing back? It is taking my food."

"I don't think I can. I'm just so distracted by Allen over there." His voice dripping with sarcasm, but Rhode still let out a huff of annoyance and clutched Allen tighter. Allen appeared to have trouble breathing, but it wasn't my problem.

"Your loss." I put down my spoon and grabbed a butter knife. The Tease let out a low growl and somehow I could tell it was getting ready to bite me. He didn't get the chance. I flicked the knife into the air, spinning it faster than the eye could see. While everyone else watched, wide eyed in a mix of shock and wonder, I resumed eating. The knife landed squarely in the Tease, cutting it off moments before it tried burrowing into my skull.

"How did you do that without hurting yourself?" Tyki asked, trying to appear un-impressed.

"I didn't." A trickle of blood was going down the back of my head and I would have fallen if I wasn't already seated. "Anyway, what is going to happen now? Are Allen and Tyki going to fight it out, or do we just have an eating contest?" Allen actually took the time to weigh both options but settled on the former.

"This time, I'm going to destroy that arm of yours." Tyki pushed himself away from the table. Rhode jumped off Allen and walked over to me as Allen stood up. He stabbed the Tease that landed near Lenalee, who had been petting the man eating golem.

"Will I dream? Dave…" The golem cried out as it died. We all had a moment of silence, more out of confusion than respect.

"So, where were we?" Allen asked, breaking the awkward silence.

"Oh, I think you were about to say some snappy one liner and attack Tyki." I piped in between bites of my meal.

"Oh yeah. Dammit, I can't think of anything witty. Anyone got any ideas?" Allen asked. Lenalee shook her head and turned to Chaoji. Chaoji couldn't think of anything and turned to Krieg. He was also dumbfounded and turned to Tyki, who didn't answer for obvious reasons. Rhode was too busy staring at Allen, and I just wasn't that creative. "Screw it. Let's just get this over with." He jumped on top of the table and sprinted down the length of it. Thankfully, he had jumped over my food.

"Agreed." Tyki said while summoning his Tease. He created a shield using one and blocked Allen's outstretched Crown Clown. He pushed back and knocked Allen off the table. As Allen skidded to a halt, a swarm of Tease approached him.

"Clown Belt!" Said belt lashed out and skewered dozens of Tease while Allen cut down the rest. He then ran at Tyki, only for Tyki to jump over his attack. He turned around, expecting the Noah to land behind him, but he never did. He looked up to see Tyki standing on thin air.

"I can choose for everything in this world. That include the very air we breathe." He let the lit cigarette fall from his mouth. Allen swatted away the falling cancer stick with his innocence and launched his belt at Tyki's foot. With a sharp tug, the Noah was brought to the ground. Allen lunged at him, but Tyki phased through the ground.

"Go Allen!" Rhode cheered. Tyki phased through the ground next to me.

"What are you doing cheering for the exorcist?" he admonished.

"I love him, Tyki, and there is nothing you can do about it!"

"Well, he could just kill the beansprout." She glared daggers at me, but at that moment I realized something. "Tyki, if you are here, then where is Allen?" We turned to see him running at us. Tyki grabbed me and was trying to use me as a meat shield. "That won't stop him!" I could see Allen had sprouted his horns again, and was beginning to think that that had happened a lot lately. Maybe I was a negative influence on him or something. Getting back to the situation at hand, I twisted my right leg behind Tyki's and pulled forward, toppling both of us and making Allen fly over us, irritating Allen to no end. Tyki went through the floor and came back up next to me.

"I thought we were paying you to help us? Shouldn't you take one for the team?"

"What is the point in getting paid if you get killed in the process?!" I shouted back as I picked myself up. I was still on my hands and knees when Rhode sat on me.

"Still, you mercenaries don't really do your jobs well. Your friend Lyle just stood around while Skin was killed, and Krieg here had to get saved by Jasdero!" Speaking of Krieg, he currently had an apple stuffed in his mouth and was being salted by Chaoji. He stopped doing this as everyone except Allen turned to him. Allen was sharpening his claws on horns that have lasted far longer than the joke normally permits.

"Can you people just go back to beating the crap out of each other?" Even though she had the body of a thirteen year old, she was getting heavy.

"Actually, I'm interested in knowing why you guys are so useless." Allen walked over and sat in my chair.

"I'm not taking that from an exorcist." I was getting ready to throw Rhode off when Lenalee also sat on me. "Why is everyone sitting on me?!"

"I think it's the coat. It makes your back so soft. What do you think Lenalee?"

"I think you're right. Wonder if we could take it." She pondered aloud.

"No. If anyone is going to take it, it will be me!" Rhode told her. Why are they are getting like this all of a sudden? Has their combined dislike of me brought them together in some perverse twist of events? Why am thinking all of this?

"My coat isn't for sale! Now you get off or I'll…" I stopped when I saw what Allen was doing. "You son of a bitch!" Lenalee and Rhode stopped there little cat fight, Tyki stopped smoking, and Chaoji put down his knife and fork. Everyone stopped what they were doing except Allen. He was eating my Shepard's pie, and what was once a mountain of food was now only a few smudges of mashed potatoes on the bottom of the dish.

"What? I was hungry and you wouldn't be getting up in a while." The others let out a nervous laugh, but grew quiet quickly.

"Off. Now!" Rhode hopped off of me and sat on a floating Lero a few feet away while Lenalee stumbled back to her seat. "You will pay for that, Allen. In China you stabbed me in the heart and now you've done it again!" Tyki suppressed a chuckle as he remembered doing the exact same thing to Allen in China. "I will never forgive you!" I pounced on the still seated beansprout and grabbed him by his hair. "You might as well lick the plate!" I called out with sadistic glee and I smashed his face into the dish. I turned to Rhode. "Don't worry. You can still have your precious Allen when I'm done with him. He'll live, but he'll wish he didn't." I resumed my assault on Allen while Tyki and Rhode conversed.

"Should we stop him?" Tyki asked.

"Let him be. I like this side of him." Rhode told him, although she flinched whenever I slammed Allen into the table.

"Weren't you just talking about how you loved Allen?"

"Yeah, but I've done far worse to him and he turned out mostly fine. Mostly." She was now lost in her memories that Allen probably had a very different opinion about.

"For dessert, we are having Chinese!" I cackled manically as I dragged Allen over to Chaoji. "This is for trying to eat Krieg!" I grabbed Chaoji and slammed both their heads together. I let both of them drop to the ground and plucked the apple from Krieg's maw.

"I would have gotten free on my own." He grumbled.

"Shut it and stay safe while I secure our paycheck." Turning to Tyki. "How much time do we have left." He lit another cigarette before looking over the edge of the tower.

"We have less than thirty minutes, so don't take too long." We could violent tremors begin to ravage the tower and a hole opened in the ceiling.

"Of course. Now what will be the next course for our beansprout? Candle soufflé? Vivisection? So many choices, but so little time."

"Henry, stop this right now!" Krieg barked "You can't lose control again. Noah, please stop him or we are all dead!" He pleaded, but I just stuffed the apple back in his mouth.

"Where was I?" I asked, completely ignoring what just happened. "Ah, yes. Where did the beansprout go off to? Actually, where did all the exorcists go?" The Noah and I had been so distracted that we hadn't noticed. When we looked up, we saw Allen carrying Lenalee and Chaoji up through the hole using his clown belt.

"Oh no you don't! Innocence activate!" I shouted while pulling out Jacob. I ran for the wall closest to the hole and jumped. When I reached the highest point possible, I stabbed one sword in the wall. I stabbed the other sword higher up and released its twin. I repeated this process until I was at the ceiling. I pushed off the wall and grabbed hold of the hole's rim. As I pulled myself through, Rhode, Tyki, and Krieg floated up after me on Lero, who easily lifted the weight of all three of them. "Why didn't you just offer me a ride?"

"You never asked." They said to me.

"I swear when this is over I am finding a better class of clientele." Ninety nine point nine percent sure Rhode spawned a candle directly behind me, but I had bigger fish to fry. Allen was still running away with his comrades and I could see Rhode's door was almost within their reach. "Plan B. Level two release!" The two swords merged at the hilt. This time I can use the weapon effectively. There won't be a repeat of China. I tossed it in the air and caught it with one hand before pulling back and throwing it like a javelin. Allen saw it coming and shielded his friends with his cloak, but I wasn't aiming for Allen. It flew past them and hit Rhode's door dead on, smashing the door to pieces.

"Hey! That's my door!" Rhode whined.

"You can make another, can't you?" I didn't turn from the stunned exorcists as I said this.

"Still doesn't make it right." Tyki chuckled softly as Rhode spoke.

"Damn you Henry!" They turned to see Allen diving towards me, claw extended and ready to finish what it began in China. I saw that he'd left his comrades on a rocky ledge. Rhode was sitting on the edge of Lero as she watched in anticipation for Allen's attack. He was getting closer by the second. Normally I would let this go on till the last possible moment, but time is short today.

"Oh, Jacob~" I said in a sing-song voice. The white comet that would have skewered me was knocked into a stone pillar as Jacob flew from the rubble of Rhode's door and into the unaware beansprout. The blade nailed him to the wall just a few centimeters to the left of his heart. "Damn, I missed. Well, I can still shoot him. Jacob, drink your fill!" The blood flowed out his wound and Allen became noticeably paler as the blood left his body.

"Stop it! You said you wouldn't kill him" Rhode had gotten off Lero and was stomping towards me.

"I lied," I said, as though I were talking about the weather. "Now stop interrupting. I can't get in the mood when I have all this inane chatter." She was taken aback by this, temporarily stunned.

"Henry…" Allen said, although the strain was evident. I walked over to Tyki and took Lero from under him. After a short death glare to both Tyki and Lero, the umbrella let me ride it up to the pinned Allen while Tyki continued to smoke and observe.

"Any last words?" My grin was as big as the Earls now. He grabbed his innocence arm with his normal one.

"I…won't…lose!" His claw glowed a blinding light before breaking apart and reforming as a sword in his normal hand. He tried to slash me, but I jumped back and grabbed the handle on Jacob as I went, releasing Allen, who landed safely on the ledge below him. I landed on Lero, somehow keeping my balance. He brandished his newfound weapon, ready to fight.

"Rhode!" Allen called down to the girl. "Make us another door."

"One door coming…" BANG. Rhode stopped and fell over, a hole going right through the middle stigmata on her forehead. Her body fell down the hole that led into the previous room, which was by now gone and replaced by a black void.

"She will be fine, right Tyki? She has been hit by worse," I asked, genuinely concerned that our ticket out of here just kicked the bucket. He didn't speak. At first I thought he was just dumbstruck, but when I made Lero descend to them, I saw that he was clutching his throat. A red headed figure came up behind him and kicked him over the edge as well. "Who the hell are you?!" I demanded from the figure, but he ignored me and turned towards Allen.

"Idiot apprentice, what the hell have you been doing slacking off here? I needed a distraction, but this is excessive."

"It's been a while, master." Allen said.

"Wait, if he is your master, does that mean this is General Cross Marian?" He was a living legend. A ruthless demon with more lovers around the world than days in a year, more debt than all of Europe, and one the cruelest men alive. Needless to say, I'm a big fan, except for the debt part. "Can I get an autograph?" He looked me over before grabbing me by my collar and throwing me at Allen.

"Only beautiful people or the ladies are allowed near me. Get lost, you dirty brat!" I was hoping to give some rebuttal when I landed, but Allen seemed to take issue with me landing near him. He stabbed me and this time I was the one pinned to the wall. My whole life flashed before my eyes. The day my parents died, my first mission, walking in on Catherine with another girl and being scarred for life, the year of therapy I had afterwards, all of my birthday cakes Krieg made me watch him eat. Finally, I saw Miranda, and regretted never telling her how I felt. I had been avoiding her since that kiss. All this happened in the span of time from when Allen stabbed and when I realized I wasn't in pain.

"What just happened?" We stammered. Cross sighed before addressing us.

"It's your innocence, Allen. The sword of exorcism only hurts what it perceives as evil! Normal humans don't qualify."

"So you're saying this can't hurt me?" I asked, shocked and relieved at the same time.

"Knowing my idiot apprentice, yes, it can't hurt you unless you have dark matter in your body." My sadistic smile was back in full swing as I turned back to Allen.

"Payback time, Allen."

"Um, an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." Allen tried to reason.

"Then let us be blind." I kicked him back, releasing me from his sword, and knocking him on his ass. I raised my blade, ready to strike Allen down, when I heard a loud bang. I whirled around in time to dodge a speeding bullet fired by Cross.

"I'm not letting you kill my idiot apprentice."

"Does that mean you do care, master?" Allen asked.

"Of course. If anyone is going to kill you, it's me!" Allen instantly became depressed and crawled into a corner.

"Well if you are going to take me on, you should do better than that. You missed on your first shot!" I taunted.

"Idiot mercenary. I never miss." Before I could ask what he meant, his bullet came from behind and nailed me in the shoulder. Like Rhode, I fell forward, going over the rim. However, I grabbed the rim and hung there by one hand. I looked up to see Allen standing over me.

"Help me up, please."

"No." he said, voice deadpan.

"Come on, Allen. You are insane. You are a monster!"

"Monster? I'm. An. EXORCIST!" He brought his heel down on my hand, breaking fingers and loosening my grip.

"It's the same thing!" I called out as I fell to the void below, before being enveloped entirely.

_Allen_

"Is he gone?" I asked, once Cross and I had made our way up to Lenalee and Chaoji.

"Yeah. Once you fall down there, you are lost in the gap between dimensions. You are pretty much dead. Zero percent chance of coming back." Lenalee looked saddened. Even though they were enemies half the time, he was still human.

"What do we do about this one?" Chaoji asked, while holding up a battered Krieg.

"We can take him with us, but first thing we have to do is stop the download of the Ark and…." While Cross was detailing what had to be done, Allen looked down at his captured enemy. They had removed the apple that was gagging him, but he didn't even try and bite them. He seemed broken, and in more than just his body.

_Henry_

"Henry! Wake up, you idiot!" Someone was shaking me vigorously and when I opened my eyes, I swore I was seeing a ghost.

"Lyle! I thought you were dead." Then I noticed the others around us. Everyone we had left behind, from Kanda to Rhode. Even Skin's corpse was here, but everyone gave it a wide berth. "Actually, I thought you were all dead. How are we alive?"

"Henry, I could try and explain it in a long, complicated manner that you wouldn't understand even if we were trapped here for all eternity, or I can just say we are incredibly lucky. Need I continue?"

"Okay, I get it. So what do we do now?"

"We could use the exorcist to pass the time. He doesn't have a weapon." Rhode suggested in an almost innocent manner.

"Che. I'd like to see you try." They engaged in a heated staring contest, and by heated, I mean there are actual flames coming off them and melting the candles Rhode created.

"Wait!" The two stopped fighting as Lavi tried to defuse the situation. His hammer had fallen apart after his fight so all the exorcists here were defenseless. "We might be the only people here. Shouldn't we try and co-exist rather than kill each other?" Kanda and Rhode took his message to heart, and then promptly threw his message out the back window. However, the horribly one sided fight was prevented when, for the second time that day, I was blinded by a bright flash of light. When it dispersed, I was back in the dining room with Rhode and Tyki.

"….Not going to bother asking what just happened." I just went back to my old chair and collapsed into it.

"Those exorcists reversed the download. That shouldn't be possible!" Tyki was experiencing a mix of anger and shock.

"Yet you tell me anyway." I pulled my hood over my eyes and put my feet up on the table. Might as well take a nap here, seeing as the room isn't going to fall apart on me. Unfortunately, Rhode didn't want me around anymore.

"Henry, I think it's time you and your friends leave. We need to report this to Lord Millennium." She created two doors. The first opened and out came Lyle. The second opened, but nothing came out. "Before you ask, the money is already in the mail. Now go before I make you walk." Not needing to be told twice, I grabbed Lyle and ran for the door, but stopped at the precipice.

"Rhode, do you know the recipe for that Shepard's Pie?" More candles than I could count were launched at me and Lyle. We ran the entire way through Rhode's door, chased by the candles.

"I see a light!" Lyle shouted. We sprinted as fast as we could and jumped through the light at the end of the tunnel. We landed in the kitchen of the Clever Fox bar with a loud crash, which was followed by another. When we picked ourselves off the floor, we saw Miranda, eyes wide in surprise, and the remains of the dishes she just dropped scattered all over the floor. She ignored the mess, however, and threw an arm over me and Lyle's shoulders, squeezing us both.

"Welcome home." We stayed like this for a bit before she spoke again. "Where is Krieg?"

**Author's Note : Thus ends the three part arc from hell. Pandas will rain from the sky before I do another. Don't forget to review after you read or Henry will find you. **

**Henry – I won't. Ignore the idiot.**

**Me – You will or I'll write you into Yullen!**

**Henry – Review or I disembowel you with a spoon!**


	15. I Feel like I Forgot Something

**Author's Note : Sorry guys, but no Thanksgiving chapter. Just have no idea how to fit it in currently, but I will probably do a Christmas chapter when that comes around. Hmm, can't think of anything else to say except PANDAS!**

**Bookman – Don't call me a Panda!**

**Author – Never!**

**Beta's Note : Not sure how "PANDAS!" relates at all, but whatever. Enjoy~**

Ah, buxom. You just can't get enough of being held to a woman's buxom. Miranda and Lyle were starting to fidget, tired of hug, but I was pretty comfy at the moment.

"Um…Where's Krieg?" Miranda asked again, ruining the moment. We broke apart from our strained embrace and Lyle was relieved. Miranda appeared to have discovered a new shade of red and was wearing it all over her face. I was already at the fridge looking for more Shepard's pie. It wouldn't be the same, but it was worth a shot. "Aren't you forgetting something, Henry?"

"You're right, Miranda. I did forget something." I walked over to the cutlery drawer and pulled out a spoon so large the others call it 'The Shovel of DEATH'. "The spoon!" She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed before taking my spoon and meal away from me.

"I meant Krieg! Krieg, the cute little fuzz ball we all love and cherish." Lyle and I exchanged a look, wondering what the hell she has been smoking and where could we get some. "What happened to him?"

"You don't think…" Lyle didn't want to finish that train of thought.

"I'm sure he's fine. Rhode is probably taking her time sending him back. He'll come around eventually." I said. "Now, what have we missed while we were away?"

Lyle was staring at me, mouth agape. "Aren't you handling this a tad too well? We have a missing mercenary, who far all we know is dead! Yet here you are trying to have a snack!"

"It's because Krieg is too annoying to just up and die on us. Knowing him, he is probably being doted on by some girl," I told him matter of factly. "Can't you just call him on that wireless phone of yours?"

He face palmed with such force that I thought he broke his glasses, but they remained unscathed. "Of course. How did I not think of that? Let's get down to the lab."

"Why is it down there?" Miranda asked, even though she had no idea what he was talking about.

"It had to charge. Now, let's be off." He left the kitchen, followed by Miranda. I stayed behind to retrieve my food, but she came back and dragged me down to the headquarters.

"Why do you seem so agg… -RESSIVE!" I yelled the last part as she threw me down the chute leading to the HQ proper. "I think I need to keep her away from Catherine." I grumbled as I tried to dust myself off. However, I wasn't fast enough as Miranda came down the chute, not even bothering to grab the ladder. "I feel like I had this coming for some reason."

"Are you coming?" Lyle called from the tunnel leading to the laboratory.

"Coming!" Miranda called back as she dragged me along by my hood. We passed the giant sign warning of our imminent demise without even flinching this time. When we arrived at the lab, we found Lyle consoling a crying John.

"What happened to him?" I asked Lyle, but it was John who answered.

"Cortana!" he wailed. Miranda and I were dumbfounded as to who Cortana was.

"He just beat Halo 4." We were even more confused. "Don't ask. Just take this and call Krieg." He pulled his phone from his back pocket and tossed it to me.

"Wasn't your phone supposed to be charging?" Miranda asked.

"I lied. I just wanted the company." He chuckled and I responded by throwing a nearby beaker at him. He side stepped and when the beaker hit the floor, it and its contents were perfectly intact. The green liquid inside didn't even move. We walked down to the bottom level where it landed and observed the vial.

"What is in that vial and what is this thing made of? Glass should have broken." I was curious. Lyle jumped down from the second level where he consoled John and pulled me and Miranda close.

"Okay. Don't tell the boss about this, but half the stuff down here is fake. It helps justify some of our expenses and makes the old bag feel like we do work down here."

"Aren't you taking advantage of her generosity?" Miranda was perturbed by his deception.

"Well, yeah." He started to feel guilty under Miranda's gaze. "Shouldn't you be looking for Krieg or something? Shoo shoo, you persistent mother hen!" He pushed us out of his laboratory and hit a button on the side of the entrance. A metal slab fell from a hidden opening above us, sealing us off from the lab.

"Mother hen…" Miranda was crying against the wall and it was my turn to drag her along. When I reached the center area, I turned towards the residential area. Instead of going to my room, I went left towards the lounge. The walls of the lounge were lined with filled book shelves. In the center was a raging fire pit that filled the room with warmth. Around the fire were seven cushioned chairs, with a small table between each of them. In place of an eighth chair was a pile of pillows and stuffed animals. The tables next to it were laden with books that spilled out onto the floor. When Miranda fell down among the pillows and picked up a book from the top of the pile, I knew she had been spending a lot of time here.

"So this is where you spend all your free time?" I inquired.

"Yeah. I'm usually in here reading when I'm not running the bar or on a mission." She pulled out a teddy bear from between the cushions and held it tight as she started reading.

"You run the bar? I thought Catherine did that."

"She did, but the boss said I should try it. Apparently the profits have tripled since and the bar is nearly always full."

"Well, if you don't throw people out the front door, they tend to pay more money." I chuckled and fell down next to her with an audible thump and tried to read over her shoulder. I say try because whatever she was reading was in German and I have no understanding of that language. I can't even speak Spanish. Nevertheless, I continued to pretend to read, laughing whenever Miranda laughed, and tearing up when she did. I lost track of time but knew we had gone through about a one fourth of the book. I had my arm over her shoulder and she was leaning against me. It was getting to be too hot for my coat, but I didn't want to move.

"Oh, just kiss already!" We jumped up and turned around to see Catherine sitting to the left of the door.

"How long have you been there?" I demanded.

"Ten hours." That was odd because Catherine almost never came in here. She detested reading, probably because she wasn't any good at it.

"Why didn't you say something earlier?" Miranda mumbled.

"I figured I would catch a nice show if I just stayed quiet, but you two are soooo boring." Miranda let out a squeak and buried her face in her book, hurriedly mumbling things in German to herself. "I even brought I box of tissues in case you needed it, but alas, you did not make my day." She lobbed said box into the fire pit. Miranda started mumbling faster and was so tense she squeezed the head off her teddy bear. That was the last straw. She can screw with me all she wanted, but Miranda is off limits. I had the French woman by her collar in seconds.

"Enough! You are out of control lately and it is pissing me off. If you want a show, then I'll give you a show!" She perked up, misinterpreting my threat. I rolled my eyes before slugging her. There was an audible crunch as my fist met her nose. Then I reached towards the bookshelf behind her and pulled out a large dictionary. "Henry chop!" I brought the book down in a crushing blow to her cranium with perhaps too much force, but she caught it one handed.

"You better not disappoint." Her grip on the book tightened until the book was actually crushed by her vice grip. She followed this with a knee to my groin, but after years with Krieg I was prepared for such a low blow and jumped back, bringing her with me. She lost her balance and stumbled forward, right into my waiting fist. I nailed her in the gut and she started to gag, but I wouldn't relent. Then I brought both hands together over my head and smashed them into her back. She fell to ground only a few inches away from the fire pit and I suddenly had a great idea. Grabbing her collar once again, I pulled her closer to the fire.

"Don't worry Catherine; this will be the greatest show you've ever seen." She was now being held over the pit, the flames leaping up as though as though they were eager for the French mercenary. "And most certainly the last!"

"Stop it!" Miranda pleaded. She had grabbed my arm seconds before I pushed Catherine into the fire. "She's your friend, Henry. You've taken this too far." She looked me in the eye and I could see something in her I hadn't seen since we first met. Fear. She was afraid of me, and as I calmed down from the adrenaline rush, I could that see Catherine was shaking. I pulled her back from the fire and put her down in one of the chairs. She stared at me, eyes wide in terror. No one ever beat her that easily, not even Skin Bolic.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I just felt such…hate that I lost control." I looked from my hands to Miranda to Catherine, and then I felt a burning in my coat pocket. "What the hell?" I pulled out Jacob, and the blade was red from the heat. I could barely keep my grip on the handle. I dropped it and started backing away towards the door. Even my own weapon turned on me, and all the accusatory stares were driving me over the edge. I almost ripped the door from its hinges as I fled the room and sprinted towards my dorm. I shouted my name at the door and barreled through the door. I fell to the floor and looked to my ceiling for comfort, but all the stars seemed to shun me.

"I need to be alone. No, there is something I need." I racked my brain for something that was just on tip of my tongue. "Krieg! I need Krieg. " My hand instinctively went to my shoulder but felt nothing but empty space. "That's right, I forgot to call him. I'll just call him and he'll be home in no time." I fished out the phone from my vest. "Call Krieg." It rang twice before connecting to the other side.

"Krieg, are you okay? Answer me." I asked but it wasn't Krieg I heard on the other line.

"Inspector, take a look at this," someone said on the end of the line.

"What is it? Can't you see we're under attack here?" Attack? Who is being attacked?

"I know sir, but the prisoner. He just started glowing!"

"Which prisoner is that?"

"The fox, Iinspector Lvellie. I heard a voice as well." I dropped the phone, hand shaking uncontrollably. It couldn't be him, could it? Then the inspector's voice came through very clearly, like he was right next to the phone.

"Who am I talking to? Answer me!" Oh no, it is. Malcolm C. Lvellie had Krieg. I swallowed the knot in my throat and picked up the phone.

"This is Henry. What are you doing with Krieg?"

"We are doing whatever we please. He is our prisoner, after all."

"You bastard! If you touch a single patch of fur on him I will come after you."

"I don't think you are in any position to make demands, boy. I'm assuming you're with the mercenaries who attacked our exorcists on the Ark. I thought you were supposed to be a neutral party, but you were working with the Noah. Why is that?" I nearly ground my teeth to dust just listening to this ass.

"You destroyed my family!"

"You'll have to be more specific. I've had this job for many years and don't remember all my work."

"Jacob and Nora Kashkin. You killed them and tortured me." He took a minute and in the background I could hear people shouting orders and Akuma gun fire.

"Ah yes, I have the file right here. You were that boy who escaped. Looks like you could have been a promising exorcist. What a pity you ended up with the rabble." I'm going to kill this prick. "I have an idea. You come over to the Black Order and we let your pet go. Seems like a fair trade, don't you think?"

"Why would I believe you would hold up your end of the bargain?"

"You don't." He sounded oh so smug and I wanted to reach through this phone and throttle him, but he me had backed in a corner. Do I give in to his demands and probably get robbed of my innocence and killed, or abandon Krieg to Lvellie? I was wrestling with indecision when a third voice came through the phone.

"Remember what you told me in the Rewinding Town." It was Krieg. His voice sounded incredibly strained, like he was struggling to stay conscious. "About that girl." He means Miranda, but what did mean? "Oh for fuck's sake. THE THIRD OPTION!" he bellowed.

"Link, quiet this thing." Lvellie told someone else with him. I heard Krieg give out a grunt of pain and he remained silent. "What will you do, boy?" My indecision was gone and thanks to Krieg, I knew exactly what to do.

"You win, Lvellie. I'll be there in a few days." I told him with a cocky grin as I walked out of my room and headed to "Just one thing."

"What?"

"I'll be bringing a few friends." He started to protest, but I ended the call. I stopped walking at the door, hesitating for a moment before opening it. Miranda stopped tending to Catherine's wounds when I entered and Catherine just glared daggers at me.

"What are you doing here?" She asked with a slight tremble to her voice, although I think it is from barely controlled anger rather than fear this time.

"I found Krieg, and I need all of your help to get him back."

"Where is he? Is he still at the Ark?" Miranda asked.

"Worse. The exorcists have him and want me to defect in exchange for Krieg, but I have a better idea."

"What would that be?" Catherine asked, interested in getting in on the action.

"We knock on the front and ask nicely."

"Will that work?" Miranda inquired. I couldn't tell if she was serious or not.

"Hell no, so we kick down the front door and kick the ass of everything we see until we find Krieg. Then I kick his ass for getting captured and drag him back here." I reached down to recover my innocence. It was still incredibly hot, but I tightened my grip and the blade instantly cooled down.

"Well, I'm in. I want payback for China." Catherine said. We turned to Miranda but she was already at the door.

"You coming or not?"

"Of course. Let's get Lyle and begin this operation of ours." Putting an arm around Catherine and Miranda, I headed for the laboratory.

_Thirty Minutes Later_

"Is that everything you need?" Lyle made us wait twenty five minutes before he said he had what he needed. He carried his normal grenade launcher along with a tiny satchel big enough to hold a football filled with an explosive he called 'C-12'.

"Yes, this should be enough for the task ahead."

"And you're sure John doesn't want to come."

"No, he discovered multiplayer and won't be available for the awhile."

"So this everyone then?" I asked.

"You forgot about me, junior." We turned to see granny carrying something long, wearing a large backpack half her size and twice as long. Both were shrouded in black cloth, so we couldn't discern anything else.

"What is that?" We all asked.

"Retribution. Now, are we all ready to go rescue Krieg or not?"

"Alright mercenaries, let's get the show on the road and bring home our fur ball. Onward to the Black Order!"

**Author's Note : What shall be waiting at the Black Order? Why did Henry flip out on Catherine? One of those questions will be answered next chapter.**


	16. Dawn Of The Soon To Be Dead

**Author's Note : I just can't stop writing! Here is another chapter for my adoring fans. This is in no way an attempt to avoid playing Halo 4 on legendary. Nope, not in the least.**

**Henry : Your K/D is horrible.**

**Wolf : Say that to my shotgun!**

**P.S. I never mentioned it, but Miranda is wearing the same outfit she did at the end of the Rewinding town. The one with purple and black. No exorcist uniform. Probably should have mentioned this a while ago.**

**Beta's Note : And so, the "replacement" Mercenary-zombie-apocalypse begins... T_T**

**Disclaimer : I don't own D. Gray-Man, just my mercenaries. Wouldn't mind owning Lulubell, Lenalee, and Klaud Nyne though.**

We were still in the HQ, half of us climbing the ladder, when Miranda had an epiphany.

"Where is the Black Order?"

"Um, I think it's…" I cursed as I jumped off the ladder. "Okay, let's find where the Order is and try again at a later date. Granny, you can handle the intel. Let's meet back here whenever she finishes."

_One Month Later, Outside Black Order HQ_

The weather was horrible up here. The rain was flying sideways and the thunder was nearly a constant noise.

"Thank god your informant told us about the secret elevator," Lyle said to no one in particular. "Would have felt like a complete idiot if we climbed up that cliff." We had just left the elevator, which deposited us onto a dirt path leading to an imposing castle. After about ten minutes, we came to a giant gate with a disturbing face on it.

"Do we knock or something?" Miranda cautiously walked forward, but nearly jumped out of her skin when the face started moving.

"Who goes there?" The face bellowed.

"Pizza delivery for an Allen Walker. We need him to sign for it before we can bring it up here." I lied.

"Oh, come on in…wait a minute. Allen doesn't order out! You're intruders!" The face was wailing now and seemed frightened. Knowing what the Black Order fights, I'd be scared as well.

"Open up or I let this guy do it for me." I pointed to Lyle, who was cradling his satchel of explosives like it was his child. "You have till the count of three."

"Like you could…"

"Three." Turning to Lyle. "Blow it."

"I don't think that is physically possible." He snickered and so did the others.

"Just do it before I push you off the cliff." He was laughing the entire time he set the explosives on the gatekeeper that blocked our path. He had started shouting about intruders, but oddly enough no one had come to investigate.

"All set here. You might want  
to take a step back." As he said this he went sprinting for the tree line. We followed him, but apparently he put an incredibly short fuse on his explosives because they went off before we could catch up. Everyone dove to the ground and waited for the blast to reach us, but it never did. When we looked back, the gatekeeper had been completely destroyed, but besides that nothing else was really damaged.

"Catherine, if you would do the honors." She walked up to Lyle and smacked him upside the head for misleading us. "Good, now we all know the plan. Split up into groups of two and search the base. Granny can go with Lyle. I'll go with Miranda. That leaves Catherine to go by herself. What could possibly go wrong?"

_Lyle_

"What the hell happened here?" Granny asked. The halls of the Order were completely empty, save for the blood. Lots of blood, and it all kept going in one direction. We had been following it for quite some time. I cast a weary glance at her. If the war veteran was creeped out by this, we might be screwed. My ears perked up and I thought I heard something just around the next bend.

"Over there. I hear something." I unslung Sheila and pressed my back to the corner. Granny was next to me, clutching her secret weapon. I asked her what it was but she said she didn't want to spoil the surprise. "Now or never I suppose." I burst out from cover into the middle of the hallway only to be confronted by a large mob. There were scientists, finders, and other staff mixed in, but what I noticed was their faces. Veins were visible around their eyes, they all let out these ungodly moans, and the worst part of all was that every single one of them was looking at me. I did the most sensible thing I could think of. "Run for your lives! Zombie apocalypse!" Granny stared at me, dumbfounded, as I ran past her.

"Zombie what?" She looked around the corner and nearly dropped her weapon as she ran after me.

"I knew I should have played more Nazi Zombies!"

_Henry_

"Stay close, Miranda. Just a little farther." We had our own run-in with the zombie horde and did what Lyle had told us to do. In a fit of what we assumed was paranoia, he drilled us in many insane scenarios, one of which was zombies. He said to run when confronted by large mobs, aim for the head, and that you're done for if they bite you. I wouldn't have believed the last part if I hadn't seen those zombies bite some poor guy.

"Ah!" I heard a girly shriek and looked back to see that Miranda had slipped in a puddle of blood. Why do I feel like I should have expected this? We had a good lead on the horde, but it was disappearing fast. Letting out a long and fluent string of expletives, I turned around and dashed to her side.

"Climb on." I told her. She climbed onto my back and threw her arms around my neck. I'm twenty and still giving piggy back rides. "Hang on tight." I kept running away from the horde, but Miranda's added weight was slowing us down. We came to a T-intersection. To our right and left, more hordes of zombies were encroaching on us. "I think I preferred the Black Order when they were alive." We shared a nervous laugh as the zombies got closer.

"What's that?" Miranda pointed to our right. Something was forcing its way through the crowd, flinging zombies to and fro. "Maybe it's Catherine."

"That would explain the strength, but I don't think so." Whatever it was, it was almost through the crowd.

"Look Yu, are those some of your friends?" An old man wearing only a towel emerged from the crowd, which now stopped dead in its tracks.

"Don't call me that!" A surprisingly adorable Kanda shouted as he came through.

"Oh, how cute!" Miranda cooed. She reached out as though to hold him, but the low, guttural growl he gave her dissuaded her.

"I think those are zombies, although I have no idea how that made Kanda small or why they can talk if he's undead."

"We aren't undead." The crowd moaned in perfect unison. "We just have no sense of reason." The hordes of zombies, as that is faster than saying 'Members of the Black Order who lost their sense of reason', all began singing in barber shop quartets. Kanda and Mr. Towel, however, were slowly stalking towards us.

"You can have the girl, Yu. I'll take the boy." Mr. Towel said. Kanda continued to growl, but started to drool as he stared at Miranda.

"Back off! Innocence, activate." Kanda almost laughed.

"You think you can take on a general and me by yourself?"

"Nope." I aimed for the ceiling above Kanda and fired, then spun around and did it to each of the other hallways. "Boom." The bullets exploded outward and brought the ceiling down around us in a U shape, cutting the zombies off from my succulent brain. "That should buy us some time." As though the universe had to prove me wrong, you could hear the sound of zombies already clearing away the debris. "I bet the others don't have it as bad."

_Lyle_

"Bar that door!" God these finders are slow. They might as well roll themselves in melted butter and put on a red shirt, because they are going to die. We found a few of them hiding out inside the cafeteria. They had hid there after the chef started mauling people. There were three of them and they were trying to move tables in front of the doors. Unfortunately, they were all nailed to the floor so I had them hold the door closed. This would result in their near immediate demise when the door broke, but what else is a finder good for? "You almost set up, boss?"

"Hell yeah." She ripped off the black cloth, revealing an all too familiar cannon.

"I knew there was a reason John was re-reading all that Hellsing." I muttered to myself. He had made a giant sniper that looked to weigh more than the old woman. The only difference from the original John modeled it on was that it had a scope and was belt fed. That belt lead into the container on her back. How she can carry that, let alone fire it, is a mystery.

"Mercenaries, they are breaking through!" I turned back towards the door, a bored expression on my face. Hard to be scared when you've seen this happen before. Cue the door breaking, Finders screaming for their lives, and the awesome action music. I pulled out my phone and put on_ The Ride of the Valkyries _before firing a round into the crowd. The forward advance was crushed, but they had numbers and I didn't have enough rounds for all of them.

"Take a seat, kiddo, and watch how the professionals do things." Curious as to how she handles the cannon, I sat at an unused table and started sampling some unfinished dinners. Then the fireworks started. It started out as a single shot every five seconds, with every shot taking off the heads of at least six zombies. Then the pace picked up, though the accuracy didn't change.

"Remind me to never get on your bad side." The onslaught had pushed the zombies back behind the doorway and they eventually stopped coming entirely. We could hear them moaning just on the other side of the wall, but why aren't they attacking? "Boss, aim for chest." One zombie was pushed out from cover by the others and granny took the shot. It fell to ground with an audible splat and didn't get up. "Bloody hell! They aren't zombies."

"What are you talking about?" She kept her rifle level with the door as she spoke.

"You always need headshots for zombies. Anything else and they are just sick people."

"So how does that change our situation?"

"It means I can take this off." He pulled up his sweater to reveal a vest lined with sticks of dynamite that were all connected to a detonator in his sleeve.

"Why did you have that?" She was a bit taken aback by the vest.

"This handsome devil doesn't want to eat brains." I chuckled lightly as I removed the vest. I cut the line to the detonator and tied the individual fuses into one large fuse. "Now, I think we should go find Krieg and the others." I lit the fuse and tossed it into the hallway, where the zombies immediately pounced on it.

_Catherine_

A massive explosion rocked the building, knocking over the lone mercenary. She had seen the zombies, but Lyle drilled it into her head to stay away from them. It's hard to fight someone at close range without taking a hit. She was sneaking her way through the base, using a level of tact unseen by her fellow mercenaries. She was perfectly capable of being a professional when the situation demanded it. The reason she is looking for Krieg in the women's dormitory is completely professional. The large sack of loot from the various rooms is in no way an attempt to indulge her own fantasies. She honestly thought the voice coming out of the woman's showers was from Krieg.

"Keep washing, Lau. You have to get the blood out before it ruins your fur." A definitely female voice said.

"It's possible she is just oblivious to the zombies and has been in the shower the entire time." I tried to reassure myself. I took a look inside.

_Five Minutes Later_

I finally got my jaw off the ground and pulled my head back around the corner. "Definitely a zombie, but she reminds me of my kitty." There was a fire in my eyes. There was a new mountain to climb, a new peak to conquer! "I know exactly what to  
do." I turned to the bag of loot and started rifling through it for the necessary supplies. "Now all I need to do is figure out to get rid of the monkey."

_Another Five Minutes, Klaud's Perspective_

She had gotten bored after she bit the old rabbit and went back to finish her shower. Lau's stomach was growling. "I know you're hungry, but we got everyone in the Black Order. If you're really hungry go find the Ark gate and head to the Asian Branch. Bring me back some take out, like Bak or Lou Fa." The monkey jumped about in excitement and then ran off to find the Ark. I heard a squeak behind me, like someone just kicked a small monkey with enough force to knock it unconscious, and whirled around to see a well-endowed brunette staring at her. I was about to pounce on her, but she beat me to it. I've never seen her in the Order before, but she appeared to be a fellow victim of Komui vitamin D. Her face was veiny and pale and her eyes were dilated. "What are you doing?"

"Apparently, you."

_Henry_

"What was that horrible noise?" Miranda asked. We blew a hole in the floor to escape from that intersection and were going deeper into the bowels of the Black Order. The halls were less populated by zombies, but I still kept my innocence at the ready.

"It can be one of two things. First, someone was painfully eaten by those zombies. Second, Catherine found someone that reminded her of Lulubell. We really need to talk to her, because she just jumps every blonde she sees that reminds her of that Noah."

"Why is she like that? Has she always been that way?"

"Do you expect some story about how she was rejected by every guy she ever met or was the victim of some horrible tragedy and does all this to cope?"

"Actually, yes I do."

"If it were that simple, we would have solved this ages ago. No, I just think she's a crazy bitch who's developed an obsession for women that look like Lulubell. Certainly hope no one here looks like her." We heard that horrible noise again, but this time it was twice as long.

"Maybe she should try to get to know her instead of just jumping her. If she had an actual relationship or at least realized that she didn't like Lulubell's personality, she might settle down a little."

"That… that might actually work. How the hell has Lyle not thought of that?"

"Because you're guys. You don't actually want to solve the problem because you enjoy her 'outbursts' and would rather complain about it than do anything about it!" For someone riding piggy back, she sure was all high and mighty. Yet, I couldn't deny the truth in what she said.

"I guess you're right."

"Guess? Are you sure you only guess?" I couldn't see her face, but I could tell she was enjoying herself.

"What do you want me to say, 'All men are pigs' or something along those lines?"

"Yes."

"I won't even dignify that with a response." We had reached the bottom level and I could see a light coming from the doorway at the end. Miranda grew silent as we drew near. We peered inside and in an instant I knew where we were.

"Hello, Henry," Hevlaska said in that soothing voice of hers. We had reached the very bottom of the Black Order, Hevlaska's room.

"Miranda, can you walk?"

"I think so, but what is that thing?" She asked as I let her off.

"Her name is Hevlaska," a voice from above said. We looked up to see a floating upside-down pyramid. On that pyramid was none other than Marian Cross.

"Why are you down here?" I asked Cross.

"I came to have a talk with an old friend, and haven't had the need to go back."

"Is that your way of saying you are trying to avoid work?" He looked at me, his raised eyebrows the only sign of his surprise.

"How did you…?"

"Allen," we said simultaneously.

"Ahem." Hevlaska would have coughed into her hand, but she had none. "Is there a reason you have come here?"

"Um, we came here for our friend Krieg. He's a small fox with a big mouth." Miranda told her. She was still cautious of Hevlaska, who appeared to only now notice her.

"Are you the girl from the Rewinding town?"

"Well, yes, but what does-" She was cut off by one of Hevlaska's tendril's grabbing her by her midriff and pulling her close.

"Put her down!" I threw both swords, one aimed at the tendril and the other at Hevlaska's head. Two gunshots went off and both swords clattered to the ground. I gave Cross a glare that could have frozen hard liquor.

"Don't worry, Henry, I've no intention of hurting her." Hevlaska raised a struggling Miranda up to her forehead and made contact. Miranda's body went slack and every fiber of my being screamed out for me to rip Hevlaska into a hundred and nine pieces, but the cocking of Cross's revolver deterred me. Hevlaska pulled away Miranda and lowered her down at my feet. "Strange, I can't form a prophecy for her."

"What, you were telling her future? Why didn't you just say that?" I yelled at her. Cross seemed to be enjoying my suffering. First it was zombies, now tentacles are grabbing my girlfriend- I mean, friend.

"You have to understand, she gets quite bored down here. The only fun she has is surprising unsuspecting accommodators like your friend there."

"Why Miranda? We're both accommodators."

"That's because I've already seen your Innocence. I could tell you your future, if you like," Hevlaska told me. I didn't take even five seconds to think it over.

"No." I told her, while once again giving Miranda a piggy back ride. This better be worth it someday. "Now, can you tell us where Krieg is? I thought he'd be down here."

"Why do you just assume that?"

"It's the bottom of the castle. The treasure is always at the bottom." Hevlaska and Cross looked at each other before bursting out laughing.

"That may be true…" Hevlaska started. "...But where do they keep the princess?" Cross finished.

"You've got to be kidding me. Lyle was right."

_Lyle_

It's been a hard slog through blood, guts, and the occasional swarm of barbershop quartets, which I destroyed just on principle, but the boss and I made it to the final floor. There was one last room to get through: the supervisor's office.

"Let's finish this." She nodded her acknowledgement as I reached for the door, but it creakily opened on its own.

"Come in." A deep voice said from inside. I gave my weapon one last once over before pushing the door open. The chair behind the supervisor's desk was turned away from us, but I could tell that it was Lenalee who was sitting in it. She was flanked on all sides by the woman of the order, who were mainly nurses. One in particular caught my eye. To left of a blonde who bore a vague resemblance to a certain cat was Catherine. The fact that she kept glancing at the woman next to her instead of staring at us like all the other zombies was a dead giveaway to the trained eye. That meant that whoever was controlling the zombies wasn't controlling her. "Please take a seat and relax. Would you like a glass of brandy?" It wasn't just Lenalee who said this, but all of the zombies. Catherine mimicked horribly and confirmed that she was just pretending.

"Don't mind if I do, Krieg." The chair turned, and in Lenalee's lap was indeed Krieg.

"Krehehehehe. I knew that if anyone could figure it out, it would be you, Lyle. Unfortunately, your victory shall be short lived."

"Wait, why is Krieg here? Is he the cause of all this?" The boss was shocked.

"Krehehehehe." I hate his new laugh. "I suppose I can tell you how this happened, seeing as you will be joining my horde soon." Lenalee pulled a bottle from her brother's desk and poured some of it's contents into a saucer for Krieg. I guess he really did have brandy. "You see, the exorcists are in the middle of moving to a new HQ. After we attacked the Ark, the Earl sent Catherine's favorite cat to get back some Akuma creating egg. They even had a level four. Four! It would have been a great fight had we been there, but you guys abandoned me!"

"We didn't abandon you. You were captured." I corrected him. He took offense and let out a low growl, which all the zombies projected.

"You left me for dead! Henry said he'd be here in a few days and it took you a month!" He stopped his growling and lapped up some more brandy to calm his nerves. "As I was saying, after the fight, the order decided it couldn't stay here anymore. While they were moving, the ghost of some kid the Black Order killed was afraid of being left alone and released a zombie virus that idiot Komui made." Zombie Lenalee twitched when she mentioned Komui. "It got to that annoying red head first and from there spread to everyone else. The ghost tried to control them, but in the end it ran out of living people to possess. There was no one left alive besides me and Hevlaska. The zombies wouldn't go anywhere near her room so they tried to get to me. You know, I should thank you Lyle. You gave me the tools to control these zombies."

"You used _it_ didn't you?" He was hysterical now.

"Yes you fool. That device you shoved in my chest saved me. I've watched you when you thought no one was looking. You ask your phone questions and it answers them for you. So I tried it myself, and guess what." He paused for dramatic effect. "There's an app for that!"

I pinched the bridge of my nose. Maybe I should leave the twenty first century tech in the twenty first century.

"Now I control the Black Order and there is nothing you can do about it! Krehehehehe!"

"It saddens me… actually it doesn't sadden me to say you're wrong. You've lost." He stopped his maniacal laughter and made a clicking noise with his teeth. His zombie harem, as I assume that's why he amassed them, all pulled out a variety of weapons, ranging from scalpels to large stacks of paper they got from the floor.

"Could you take on all them by yourself?"

"Myself?" I turned to granny, but the scariest nurse I had ever seen was chomping down. "Well, I should have seen that coming, but you have still lost."

"Elaborate, quickly." He was getting impatient.

"You see, I realized some time ago that these aren't your average zombie. They aren't undead, merely crazy. So I started looking for a cure. With my medical knowledge I knew I had to find patient zero, and I will admit that it was quite a challenge finding him. When I ran into him in a broom closet, he spat up a bottle cap labeled with a skull and bones. I deduced he could be patient zero, 'acquired' several blood samples and created an antidote." Krieg's eyes widened in surprise and then narrowed to pin pricks.

"I thought no one would find Lavi in that closet."

"After that it was simple enough to convert it into a gas and load it in a smoke grenade. I then loaded said grenade into Sheila and- Where did it…"Sheila was gone. It was resting in my lap just a second ago. I looked around and saw it was Catherine who had it. "You're actually a zombie?!" Honestly, this caught me off guard. "You acted so… Catherine like. Unless…" Turning back to Krieg. "You knew I might have an antidote so you had Catherine act like she was an imposter to lull me into a false sense of security."

"You were so predictable, Lyle. You underestimated me and that led to your downfall."

"But how did she get turned?"

"Turns out biting a zombie is just as bad as being bitten." Zombie Catherine beamed while Klaud inched away as slowly as possible.

"Alright, just dispose of that grenade launcher." Krieg told her. She almost skipped like a giddy school girl to the door and threw it outside and down the long shaft to the bottom.

"Damn you Krieg! You won't get away with this!"

"Really? 'You won't get away with this' are your last words? Well, each to his. Catherine, bite him." She didn't budge. "Do it." She still wouldn't move. "Bite Lyle!" She wouldn't move an inch, and she was working up a sweat resisting Krieg. Not sure whether I should flattered she likes me enough to resist this much or insulted that she tries this hard to not bite me.

"Pizza delivery for a mister Krieg." A voice said from behind the door.

"Took him long enough." Krieg grumbled as he jumped from Lenalee to the desk to the door. "Come in."

The door opened, only it wasn't the pizza boy.

_Henry_

"Checkmate, Krieg." I stuck Sheila's barrel into the fox's face.

"How did you get here and get that?"

"I caught it when I rode the elevator. Now I think it's time we had a little chat. After your punishment, of course."

"No! You won't beat me! Granny, blow him away!" He was panicking. I saw granny was indeed a zombie, and had a massive cannon. She turned on me and squeezed the trigger, but it clicked empty. "Just kill him! Everyone, rip him apart!" The other zombies stumbled towards me.

"Miranda, be a dear and handle this." She came in behind me.

"Innocence Activate!" She threw her record into the room and it expanded over all of us. The zombies stopped in their tracks and time reversed for them to just before they were infected. They shook their heads as their reason returned to them, and when they remembered everything they had done over the last month, they surrounded their former master.

"Meow," Lenalee said, as though giving an order, and we could no longer see Krieg through the flurry of punches and kicks his ex-harem rained down on him.

"Should we stop them?" I asked as the mercenaries huddled near the door.

"No." Miranda deadpanned. "We already planned to do it ourselves."

"Oh, you're just upset about Hevlaska and her tentacles." Granny and Lyle raised an eyebrow at the mention of tentacles. Miranda seethed and I had to sidestep to avoid her right hook. I'm glad I taught her self-defense, but now she is using it against me. "Just be glad you joined the mercenaries because I hear she does that weekly to the exorcists." I grabbed Lyle and used him as a human shield to protect myself from the follow up punch. He was very cross with me after Miranda gave him a black eye. Speaking of Cross, I probably should have checked to see if he was breathing after that falling grenade launcher hit him in the head. Still, it cleared the elevator for me and Hevlaska said she wanted some alone time.

"So how did you plan all of this, kiddo?" Granny asked whilst watching Krieg's beat down.

"Well, I figured this must be a sickness after the cafeteria so I started looking for a cure. I had no idea who was patient zero so I just started shooting my way to the top as Henry here would obviously go down to the bottom. When I came here, I was surprised to find someone controlling the zombies. From there it was a simple matter of winging it." We just stared at him as the room grew deathly quiet.

"What about the cure grenade?" I checked the round in the tube of his launcher and saw that it was empty. "I've been bluffing this entire time. Lyhahahahahahahahaha!" We all stared at him as everything else fell silent as laughed in a similar manner to Krieg.

"You've been bluffing?!" We turned to see Krieg, his attackers beaten and unconscious around him. "Who the hell do you think I am?!" Krieg leapt for Lyle, fangs bared. Lyle was rooted to the ground and he realized the unintentional reference. I knocked Lyle out of the way and caught the raging Krieg in my hands. He bit down on my arm with every last ounce of strength he could muster and blood flowed freely down the length of my arm. Catherine came up to pry him off.

"No!" She looked at me like a was mad, but still backed off. I pulled Krieg closer to my face. "You are war incarnate!" He stopped and looked at me, confusion in his red orbs. "You are the little monster who torments me for his own amusement!" He started attacking again. "You savagely attack the crotch of any man as though you were trying to sterilize the male population! You… are my friend." He stopped biting and just looked at me. "You put your life on the line just as much as the rest of us. I've fought with you since I since I became a mercenary, but most of all…" I pulled Krieg close and held him tight. "You are Krieg Kashkin and I am sorry I abandoned you."

"You…you… damn you, Henry." He cried there in my arms. "I hate when you say stuff like that."

"Just shut up and let it all out." I turned towards Lyle, who had finished dusting himself off. "You guys stay here and find the cure for this virus. We're going home." I opened the door only to be confronted by a horde of zombies, which was led by Allen, Kanda, Lavi, Bookman, Mr. Towel, and a naked man wearing a strange leather mask. "Krieeeeg!"Looking down, I saw Krieg had a sheepish grin.

"Sorry about that. I was unsure how this would go down, so I had a fallback plan. You guys can go back now." They didn't go back like he told them. "This would be a good time to mention that the ghost had trouble controlling the zombies when they were around the uninfected."

"Well, that just isn't fair."

"We're sorry," The zombies said in unison "but we don't give a fuck." All hell broke loose. Kanda and Mr. Towel grabbed Miranda as Allen jumped me. When Miranda got bit, she deactivated her time record and Krieg's harem went back to being zombies, along with Catherine and granny. Lenalee then vaulted over her brothers desk and latched onto Lyle's shoulder. While all this went on, Allen had me pinned and was applying liberal amounts of salt and pepper to my person. I looked for Krieg and found Chaoji was biting him, which seemed long overdue.

"Well, I guess being a zombie can't be too bad."

_John came to the Black Order a few days later. After a zombie killing montage, he found a cure and rescued his fellow mercenaries, although Catherine insisted on bringing several large sacks of loot, one of which was moving. We left who we later learned was a general behind before returning home to hot cocoa and cookies. Also we beat the crap out of Krieg for turning us into zombies._

**Author's Note : Yay, my longest chapter is done and I have over 700 views! I love you guys and hope you keep enjoying the chapter.**

**Next Chapter : We have an intervention for Catherine because having her jump every blonde in D. Gray-Man has been killing my views!**


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